The First and Last
by yamada michiko
Summary: Even after all these years, he was madly in love with her. And she was probably the first and last woman he is ever going to love.
1. Chapter 1

Hi everyone! This is my first story, so I'm not sure how you will receive it. Reviews will be appreciated, constructive criticism and the like. If you don't like it, please don't flame me, you may tell me my areas for improvement.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Chihayafuru and all other characters. However much that I like to, I don't have enough imagination to cover for a story like this. Suetsugu-sensei does though.

On to the story then!

**The First and Last**

**I**

He sometimes wondered if there had always been something wrong with him. Whether he really had a few screws loose. Why else did he have to convince himself that loving her isn't such a bad thing, even when he knew that she would never look at him that way – that she would never gaze at him with affection meant for someone supposed to be more than a friend?

He had thought that things were going to get easier once he had gotten used to the fact that their… friendship will be just as what it should be,- just friendship. Obviously he was wrong in that little aspect. He isn't the martyr that his friends had almost always joked about, not the self-proclaimed patient man that he had thought himself to be. He was frustrated, that much is clear, of the kind of relationship he had with her. He could support her in whatever dream she had, -be it becoming the Queen of Karuta or becoming whatever else she had planned to be someday. But it is obviously exasperating that he could only support her as a _best friend, _her _best buddy, _and not as the man who had loved her ever since their childhood.

Being forced to hold back his affections would drive any man crazy. In his case, he had long been teetering on the edge of insanity.

Even after all these years, he was madly, deeply, insanely in love with her. And she is probably the first and last woman that he was ever going to love.

Mashima Taichi wondered, for the umpteenth time, whether he had done something incredibly wrong in his past life to make him suffer like this. Why would he be like this anyway, loving a girl who doesn't even act like a _girl? _A girl who falls asleep anywhere AND everywhere, be it on his shoulder or a tatami mat, who drinks noisily out of a water bottle, who cries messily with snot coursing down her face? Yes, very un-ladylike. And yet, for some reason unknown to him and his friends, he is madly in love with her.

_Dammit._

Everyone had thought that his life was perfect as a child, -such is what his 'friends' from childhood had believed and had so often teased him about. He had everything in life, -the intelligence, wealth, popularity and the talent for every sport existing to this day. By the time he had reached puberty and it had wiped away all traces of his childish innocence, everyone he knew started saying that he had everything in life, -the intelligence, wealth, popularity, the talent for sports _and _looks. They had teased and remarked this to him so many times that he had started believing it, though something had been holding him back to actually fully believe it.

It isn't true that he had everything, because let's face it, the one girl he had fallen in love with had her eyes on someone else. If he did have everything, he would have been the happiest person in the entire universe.

There is no such thing as perfect. It may come close to that sometimes, but never _perfect. _Such is the rule of life.

Ironically, he was ready to trade anything in this world just to have her recognize him, acknowledge his feelings. But being the little airhead girl that she is, that would take years. He was never lucky though, so maybe take that as a century instead.

He wondered why he was still hoping.

_I am an idiot._

And which is why, probably, he was also being pestered right at this moment.

"She was asking for you, Mashima-san."

He looked up from the book he was reading, pinching his nose bridge as he glanced up to the nurse who was standing by the door to the library of the hospital, (yes, believe it or not, this hospital _has_ a library,) who was holding a little girl by her left hand, no older than eight. From what he could see from his position, the girl had thick, curly brown hair tied into two high pigtails, and looked otherwise serious for a little girl.

He stood up, wondering why on earth was a little girl looking for him, considering that he did not know _any _little girl for that matter. He was looking questioningly at the nurse, who shrugged, a small smile gracing her features.

"She had just come out of Terada-sensei's office. I saw her standing by this door looking lost, so I asked if she needed anything. She asked if she could see Mashima Taichi-oniichan." She gestured to the little girl who was looking up at him with big, round eyes. "She seems to know you."

If he thought about it, it was certainly a bit unsettling that this little girl knows who he is. He hadn't known any kids from his neighborhood, -let alone kids of certain friends from his class in college, so it was certainly a surprise that this kid knew him and where to find him. _Oh well, _he too shrugged. He was studying medical contexts anyway and as such, is exhausted mentally. He could use a little distraction. "Thank you, Tsukishiro-san. You can leave her with me."

The nurse gave him a flirty wink which he didn't notice as he focused on the child in question, bending down on his knees so he could be eye level with her. Disappointed, the nurse left the room, closing the door gracefully behind her. As he gained eye level with the girl, he sucked in a sharp, surprised breath when he managed to see her eyes clearly for the first time.

_Her eyes… dammit, her eyes are just like…_

It was exactly like hers.

The round, auburn, doe-like shaped eyes stared back at him curiously and after a few minutes, filled with quiet excitement and awe. A smile curled around the little girl's lips, oblivious to the expression on his face. His palms started sweating, and he licked his lips nervously.

_Why in the world does this kid have her eyes?!_

"I knew it. You look a lot like him in the photo," the girl said in a tiny voice, eyes alight with excitement and happiness, surprisingly straight for someone no older than eight. "You really are here in this hospital aren't you? She talks about you a lot…" she continued, still with the shy, tiny voice.

_She…?_

"What can I do for you, little lady?" he asked, his heart beating painfully fast against his ribcage. "You must have your parents worried about you. Do they know you're here?" he continued, staring back at the girl and wondering whether someone really hated him out there. Why else did he have to see a little girl who had eyes freakishly the same as hers and remind him of something that he will never have?

_Damn it all…_

"I have finished my check up. I just wanted to know whether the man in the photo is really here. Aunty speaks a lot about you. She told me how you could be here in this hospital and how she wasn't sure you are really here." Her lips pushed out to a pout, lowering her eyes somehow dejectedly to the ground.

His heart, which was already palpitating, started beating even harder. A cold feeling of dread started running from the back of his neck all the way down his spine. He certainly did not have a good feeling about this…

"What brings you here then? Is there something I could do for you?" he asked again, wanting nothing more than to have the little girl out of here before someone discovers that she is there with him. This kid being here is making him jittery, and somehow he knew that someone discovering her here will bring repercussions he had been anxious to avoid.

_You were always the coward after all._

He flinched as he heard that voice resonate through his mind. He narrowed his amber eyes to no one in particular, trying to get the freaking voice out of his mind. Now is not the time to remember him, especially when he had more pressing matters to deal with.

"I was wondering if you would be so kind so as to give me a discount for my check up. 'kaachan says we don't have enough income for the check up to pay for it…" she replied, her small voice getting smaller and smaller by each word.

_Wha-? The more I think about it, the more this kid looks AND sounds like her!_

He shook his head, trying to focus on the situation in hand. "Discounts are difficult to be just given in _any _hospital, little miss. Your parents know that. We _do _give it, but we prioritize the elderly." He leveled a serious gaze on the girl, wondering if she even understood the polite but clipped explanation. This was a kid, after all, that he was talking to.

He was therefore pleasantly and worriedly surprised when she nodded, bowing her head again and starting to twiddle with her thumbs. "That's what 'kaachan had told me…"

_Huh, this kid's smart. She couldn't be related to her._

_Or could she actually _be _related to her?_

Realizing an onset of panic attack, he swallowed his nervousness and focused on her. He wouldn't know what to do if he finds out the connection between them, because seriously speaking, he didn't know what had happened to her the past three years.

Three years… that was how long already that he hadn't heard from her. He smiled a dry smile to himself. Who was he kidding? He hadn't heard from them already that long because _he _had chosen to cut himself off from her world, and from everything involving karuta.

He had ran away… just like before. Is it really any wonder that he lived up to what _that _guy had always told him?

_You were always the coward, Taichi. You'd always struck me as a person who runs away whenever faced with an impossible challenge._

_Yes… because we both know that _you _are the one she had fallen for, you blithering megane-baka. _If he could answer that, he should have done so years ago. Now he could only answer to that accusation –well, not really an accusation but a statement of fact, -through his mind.

"Well, at least they are aware. I'm sorry I won't be able to do much for you. Is there anything else you might need?" he asked in a clipped tone, his mood dark, the memory having put a damper on his spirits.

The little girl looked at him once again, as if trying to see straight into his soul, making him feel uncomfortable. Now that he came to think about it, he didn't know who she is.

"What's your name then?" he sighed out, feeling foolish.

The girl looked at him seriously once more.

"Ayase."

The name had him reeling backwards, as if he had been punched in the gut. All the air whooshed out of his lungs, and he automatically gasped for oxygen. The little girl stood there, watching his reaction silently. His eyes had widened, sweat appearing on his upper lip.

This _had _to be a cruel trick.

First her eyes, now her name?!

"A-Ayase…" he muttered, regaining his balance. It really felt as if he had been punched through the stomach.

_Dammit!_

The girl nodded. "Ayase-"

"There you are, Chizuko-chan! I've been looking all over for you…"

That voice.

_That freaking voice!_

It was amazing how, even after years of not seeing her, of not hearing from her, he would still recognize her.

He looked up as a girl, -who was remotely tall for a girl-, appeared by the doorway, panting heavily and out of breath, straight locks of brown hair quite in disarray. He could guess that she had been running, as she bent and clutched her chest which heaved up and down as she gasped for air.

At that moment, all that he could think about was how _painful _it was to be able to see her again after all the years he had successfully avoided her. After all that he had gone through, tearing himself away from her (and losing all optimism in life,) having karuta withdrawal symptoms because he had to try and forget _everything _that would give him reminders of her, _this _is how it's going to be.

It was so funny and ironic that he could cry.

"Don't do that again, Chizuko-chan! You've had me worried and…" She trailed off, noticing the man the little girl was with. Her breath hitched, her large, auburn, doe-like shaped eyes (which were a perfect replica of the little girl's) widening in surprise, hurt, anger and recognition all at once, her lips parting into a small _oh._

What startled him was that the last emotion he had seen in her eyes was _relief._ But he couldn't dwell on it, he couldn't concentrate on it, knowing that he should _not _be seeing her again.

Not like this.

Not after all this time.

Amber eyes stared into auburn ones. His eyes were pricking with unshed tears, even when it had been drilled into him ever since he was a kid by his mom that men should never cry.

_Goddammit… even after all these years, why do I still have to love her?_

And one word escaped her lips.

"Taichi…"

**A/N:** I have always thought Taichi to be more suitable to Chihaya. I have nothing against Arata, I love the guy, honestly. But if you look more into it, you'd find that Chihaya deserves to be with Taichi more, someone who knows her better than she even does herself and could take care of her and protect her from anything and everything- even from herself.

That ends the first chapter. Please leave a review! Thanks!


	2. Chapter 2

So… here it is folks, the second chapter.

I would like to thank the two people (sigh…) who took their time to leave a review. Haha. Not much as I expected, but still reviews, nonetheless. Kudos to LauraNeato who gave me advices. Because of the reviews, I couldn't help but feel pressured with the next chapters… 0_0… I hope I will be able to live up to your expectations.

But anyway, enough of my rant. Here it is! 

* * *

**II**

The little girl- Chizuko-chan's- eyes flew from him to her, as if she was watching an interesting tennis match, oblivious to the tension and awkwardness that had started building it's nest in the room. The two adults stared at each other, as if sizing each other up. For some reason, it felt as if time had stopped, and she stood quietly as she continued watching the two people who, unknown to her young mind, had too much history between them.

Chihaya had straightened up, and was looking at Taichi with wide eyes, as if unable to believe that he was there, kneeling in front of her. She stepped forward with one foot, almost hesitantly, as if afraid that she was just imagining him.

Her lip trembled.

Taichi stared at her warily, feeling suddenly tired and exhausted all of a sudden. Years of not being able to see her, of avoiding meeting with her again, admittedly, had taken it's toll on him. He was exhausted, that much he is aware of. He wanted to turn away from her, but he couldn't move, as if an invisible force was holding him there, holding her gaze for what seemed to be an eternity.

She hadn't changed. She was still the tomboyish girl he had loved ever since their childhood days, but her chestnut hair had grown longer than he was accustomed to seeing, with little wisps at the end. She had remained her height, and he knew without trying that if he stood close to her he would tower over her now. He himself had grown and added a few inches over the years, and he got the feeling that Chihaya would have to look up to him if he stood eye-level with her.

His heart throbbed painfully.

She wasn't wearing slobbish clothes, but was wearing a rather casual but fashionable ensemble. She had on a blue butterfly-sleeved blouse and a white scarf around her neck, with artfully ripped jeans and boots. He wondered how she was able to run with those booted heels she had on. But then again, Chihaya was capable of doing anything impossible for other people once she put her mind into it.

Somehow, he missed the days that she would only hang out with her usual sweats and track pants. It made her seem so close to him then.

No. She had always been close. However, always out of reach.

"Long no time no see." He finally started, trying to keep his breathing under control and not panic at the sight of her. _Let's deal with it maturely, _he told himself as he watched Chihaya's eyes narrow. "I see that you're her guardian?" He gestured to Chizuko-chan, who had gone over to Chihaya and was tugging at her sleeve.

"Yes."

Her voice was trembling, much to his wonder. Did he look scary now?

"You were right, obaachan! He was here in this hospital!" the little girl exclaimed, giggling happily, tugging away at the hem of her blouse instead. "Wasn't that great? You guessed right!"

_Obaachan?_

He had to curse himself for feeling so relieved at that. He had to remember that he was _not _supposed to be happy with seeing her again.

Still… with the resemblance between the two of them being so obvious, he had to admit that his thoughts had gone into a very weird and embarrassing direction.

He had given up already. _Why the hell am I still hoping? It's not like this is going to change anything. You've given up on her Taichi, so stop acting like a pathetic wimp._

He hated himself.

Chihaya knelt in front of the kid, placing her hand on her head and mussing up her hair affectionately. "Yes, I can see that. You do have a knack for finding people huh? So stop calling me obaachan already. Call me oneechan instead, Chizuko-chan." She smiled in teasing as the girl giggled, catching her hand and swinging it around. "Now why don't you run along to your father? He's worried where you've gone. We thought you've gone missing."

The girl nodded enthusiastically. "Okay! I'll go to 'touchan now…" She turned once again to Taichi. "Thank you Taichi-niitan."

"Take care." He responded, straightening up as the little girl dipped into clumsy bow, somewhat making him smile despite of himself. Chihaya planted herself on the door to make sure the girl finds her father, who luckily, had followed her and was now giving her a stern reprimand.

She could feel his eyes on the back of her head. "She looks a lot like you." He said, his gentle, soothing voice somehow piercing through the tension in the room.

"I don't have kids yet if that's what you mean." She sounded defensive, and maybe a bit embarrassed.

"I know. It's impossible for you to have one that age already." Was the exasperated reply. "She looks like she's around eight years old. You're only twenty one. It's only been three years." _Since I last saw you, _he added quietly to himself. _And unless you're married to him already._

He was surprised by the sudden vehemence he felt in his chest along with the pain. Dammit. So even now, he couldn't accept the fact that they may or may not be together.

_Well, I will find out, even if I don't want to._

She finally turned to him, whirling around in order to gaze at him with those large, auburn brown eyes of hers. She looked like she didn't know what to do, eyes unsure as she stared at him. Her face held an expression of fear, -as if she was scared of him, and why, he wasn't aware of.

_She's scared because I'm back? Oh don't worry Chihaya. It's not like I'm still your rival for Class A karuta. _He thought darkly, avoiding her gaze.

His mood was turning down. He wished he hadn't let Chizuko-chan in instead. But how was he to know that she would be related to the girl that he had given up but still is hopelessly in love with, and that she, unknowingly, had brought two people who had not seen each other in three years?

_I hate this._

"They might be looking for you. You can leave if you're done here already." He said in a polite tone, one that suggested that he would rather she be out of this room already but unable to be completely rude to the girl he loved. And still is in love with, by the way.

He was caught off-guard when she slammed into him with such force that he nearly fell backwards if it wasn't for his quick reflexes. Caught unawares, he suddenly realized that she had thrown her slender arms around him, and that she was crying, sobbing even, into his chest, the kind of sob that made his heart clench in pain, because he had never heard such a sound from her.

Never did she cry like that, -not even for Karuta. It was a woman's cry, a heartbreaking sound of a woman who had been left behind without any explanation by someone most dear to her.

"T-Taichi no baka!" She exclaimed, beating him with her fists without force, grabbing fistfuls of his long-sleeved dark blue dress shirt, warm tears coursing down her face and ruining his shirt with salt water, "Baka! H-how can you do this to me? _To us? _You've disappeared the last three years! And you expect me to leave? H-how dare you!" She yelled into his chest, which he nearly did not manage to make out because her words sounded jumbled.

Despite of himself, tears formed in his eyes, unconsciously lifting a hand and settling it on her shoulder as she shook against him. She was trembling, and her hands were still clutching at his shirt as if it was her lifeline. "Chihaya…"

Whatever he had been about to say had been cut off with Chihaya looking up at him all of a sudden, so much that when her head snapped up, the top of her head collided with his chin.

"Ow!" he exclaimed in incredible pain, letting go of her shoulder and immediately rubbing the sore part. "That hurt, baka!"

The moment had been incredibly ruined with Chihaya's classic clumsiness. He couldn't believe it. Here he was, about to get all weepy and shove her away, -back into wherever she came from in the first place, because he didn't think he still had the face to show her when he had ran away three years ago. He hadn't wanted her to see him like this, a broken man beyond repair who never had the courage to face what he felt for her ever since their childhood.

"Do you think it didn't hurt me? Baka!" She responded with equal heat, face in a grimace as she too rubbed the top of her head and glared at him, as if wishing for his death.

Taichi suddenly felt irritated. No, he was beyond irritated. He was mad- to whom and what he didn't know, but he knew that he had to cut off this charade. Now.

"Get out," he grabbed her shoulders and turned her around to the direction of the door. "Forget that you ever saw me. No, just forget about _me. _That would be best for you. Just go and-"

Slap.

The force which she had slapped him with made his face whip into the side, and if anything, served like a bucket of cold water that had been splashed over him. His eyes widened with the stinging pain that her palm had left with his left cheek, and he turned to her, not in anger, but in surprise.

Never before had she slapped him like that. Kicks and punches, yes, -whenever she got pissed off with his usual jokes despite of him having told her about those jokes twice or thrice already. She would kick him on the shin, or sock him on his arm. But _never _a slap.

Well… she had changed.

As if suddenly realizing what she did, her eyes widened and she looked at her right hand, as if trying to see if it was really hers. Biting her lip, she stepped forward and placed her hand on his stinging cheek, rubbing her palm against it as she carefully held his face like it was something so fragile it would break. There were still tear marks on her cheeks but they were forgotten already as she sniffled. "That was for trying to kick me out. I'm not going to apologize for it. I _am _sorry if it hurt though."

"Wanna bet?" He snapped, horrified that he was enjoying the sensation of her palm rubbing across his cheek, like she was trying to relieve the sting that her slap had caused on him. _What a pair of hands she had._ He thought with dark humor.

He couldn't believe that they were acting _civil _with each other actually, as if the last three years had never happened. She wasn't crying messily, for one, though she had left her eyes unwiped. And she had slapped him, an action that could be really associated with women, which was a big change for her.

"You were acting like an idiot. You deserved it." She said, sounding defensive again. Then she suddenly averted her gaze from him. "I missed you, Taichi. So much."

That made him unfreeze. He caught her hand which was gently rubbing his cheek, and he lowered it. He wanted so badly to curl his fingers around hers, but he knew all the same, that he couldn't. "You should go home, Chihaya."

She narrowed her auburn eyes. "If you think you can drive me away again like what you did before Taichi, then you don't know me at all."

"I mean it." He said, without looking at her as he let go of her hand. "Go home. You shouldn't be here."

"Don't make me punch you this time." She warned, but he still turned away from her.

"Don't make me repeat myself, Chihaya." Was his response. "You shouldn't be here in the first place. Your niece will be looking for you, and I'm sure you've got other things to do –like practicing karuta for instance."

It hurt. Goddamit. Trying to drive her away had never been one of his smartest points to begin with. He felt, as he was saying the words, like he was stabbing himself repeatedly through his chest. But he was a proud man; despite of the fact that knew he had missed Chihaya with every fiber of his being, those large, auburn eyes especially, her clumsiness, and practically just _everything _about her, he couldn't allow her to see him in such a state like this: a man who had given her up three years ago without even a fight, along with the game that admittedly, had been their blood and soul.

"Why… are you doing this to me, Taichi?"

He flinched at the pain so clearly heard in her voice. He turned to her again, unable to bear not looking at her any longer.

"Three years ago you avoided me," she began sniffing, tears pooling in her eyes as she did so, "You suddenly disappeared, you never talked with me or Arata, you gave up karuta. You were still with the club, but it's almost as if you suddenly became someone else. I tried calling out to you, but you never listened to me. Even in graduation, you never tried to be with m- with us!" She exclaimed, her chin dimpling, as she suddenly grabbed his arm. "What have I done to you, Taichi? Tell me, what did I do to you that made you disappear just like that?"

Taichi was at a loss of words, which was a first, since he always had an answer ready for all questions she might have had, -even before. He wrung his arm from her grip. This was a confrontation he had not been ready for at all. Avoiding her gaze, he turned to the side. "Just go home, Chihaya. I am not the same person as before. You know that already."

"You're still you…" She said in response, refusing to believe that he had changed, despite of everything. It was one of her qualities that both endeared her to him and exasperated him at the same time. She was just so honest with her feelings, and she was a badger to those she loved, that one might say even if she was betrayed by that person, she would refuse to believe that until she had seen it with her own eyes.

"I wish I could say the same." He replied, then leveled her with a serious gaze. "It's good to see you again, Chihaya. Really. But it's getting late," he gestured to the window where the setting sun is visible, "and I've got my internship to worry about. I'm sure you've got plenty of other things to do as well. Don't make Chizuko-chan wait too long."

And not allowing her to say anything, he turned to the direction of the door and opened it, stepping outside. His gaze caught the man and the little girl who were sitting outside the office, and he momentarily froze from his tracks when he saw the little girl looking up at him, and the man, -which he assumed to be her father, stood up. He looked to be in his late twenties, with a mop of dark hair and crow's feet at the corners of his eyes. He was handsome, for a man he had assumed to be in his late twenties.

"M-Mashima-san… right?" The man asked him a bit uncertainly, looking unsure and a little… embarrassed? For what? "Is Chihaya-chan…?"

Oh. He probably thought that he had gotten into a fight with Chihaya inside. "She's fine. She's about to come out for a bit, so don't worry. It's nice meeting her again, after all these years." _Just what is her relationship with these two? _

The man set him with a piercing stare, his gaze lingering on his chest, which was still wet from Chihaya's tears from earlier. He mentally cursed himself. He should have known better than to come out without looking decent.

Gods… The man probably thought something worse had happened between him and Chihaya.

Chizuko-chan stood up all of a sudden and ran into him, smiling widely with practically hearts in her eyes. "Taichi-niitan, had she told you how many times she had told me about you? You were always her bedtime story to me, you know."

_W-What…?_

"Don't reveal your aunt's secrets, Chizuko." The man said in a light scolding voice. "Hadn't you promised to keep it a secret? And you must remember your manners. Do not be so familiar with him."

"N-No, it's fine…" He said, surprised by what he heard from the little girl. Bedtime story? Seriously? "You have a lovely daughter Mr…"

"Ayase. Ayase Keiichi. I apologize. How rude of me." The man introduced himself finally. "Chihaya-chan's first cousin from her father's side."

_Oh. I hadn't heard much about her extended family. _Well, of course. Chihaya had never bothered to tell him much about her family, though her family knew him well. That girl never really think that things like that were important, -well to a prospective boyfriend, at least.

_Damn it, Taichi. You're not her boyfriend in _any _way. Now stop acting like a lovelorn fool. _Argh. This whole situation is stupid. Damn.

"Well, it's nice meeting you, Chizuko-chan, Ayase-san. But I need to rush off and…" He trailed off, panic and desolation reflecting in his eyes.

Seeing this, the older man bristled and gently held one of Chizuko-chan's arms. "Oh, of course. Don't let us hold you. It's good to finally meet you, Mashima-san."

Somehow, Taichi felt the wariness and caution from the older man. "Thank you. Well… if you will excuse me." He dropped a kiss on the little girl's forehead (surprising himself in the process, because the action seemed not to be something new to him at all,) straightened up and bowed, and in one fluid movement, turned around… fleeing from them.

He ignored the disappointed fluids that were forming in his eyes. He kept his head bowed as he brushed past friendly and familiar faces, not wanting them to see how upset he was with the events… and with himself.

He had to get away from her. He had to. Because heaven and Kami-sama knew, he wasn't prepared to face her yet. He had long accepted the fact that she wasn't going to love him anytime soon, so he didn't stick around just to prolong his heartache. He had thought it best for the both of them, because he had thought that someday he will be able to see her again without feeling as if he was sticking a knife through his chest, and be able to greet her in a familiar, friendly manner.

But no. It was terribly disappointing to realize that. He realized that he could never do that, be just a friend to her, because even now it felt overwhelming to have her in his arms, how his heart had throbbed painfully when she was rubbing his cheek gently earlier. He had deluded himself into thinking that he _will _be able to accept everything in time and remain as he is, -in love with her but could only be her best friend. Apparently, he was, again, wrong in that department. Spectacularly wrong, might he add.

Had it been selfish of him to avoid her for three long years? Was it wrong of him to want to stay away from her in order to lick his wounds and pick up the scattered pieces of his heart that had been lying around, forgotten?

Maybe. But the only thing that he could do right now was to flee and hide from her, because yes, he _is _a coward.

And maybe, for the first time in his life, he would not give a damn about it. 

* * *

Whaddya think?

I'll be posting chapters the soonest I finish them (before life continues to distract me,). Right now I'm still in the middle of Chapter Three. Haha. I hope you don't kill me if you didn't like this one. It's kinda difficult to keep them IC, and I didn't even know if I captured them well here. I hope I did…

Till next chapter minna!


	3. Chapter 3

**Oookaaayyy… so I'm back (and so quickly might I add,) everyone!**

**Because I love the people who gave me reviews, especially raveanne, who comforted me despite of the few feedbacks I got, I came back with this chapter. Again, thank you raveanne and whitesoul89 for the wonderful feedback, and of course, the two guests who took their time to leave reviews as well. I hope I don't disappoint you guys with this chapter, which offers a bit of what Chihaya has been thinking. *winks***

**I am seriously wondering what my own genre for this story is. I tagged it off as romance/humor, but the more I'm writing it, the more I realize it's becoming a romance/drama. Ugh. I guess I would have to change it sometime later. Taichi is just so full of angst that I had to write it this way, I guess, before I give him his happiness. Haha.**

**Okay so you'd probably kill me if I don't shut up and get on with it. Here it is!**

* * *

**III**

Perhaps, it had been mere coincidence that she had been his childhood friend. Coincidence that she had lost contact with both of her friends during middle school, only to reunite with one of them during her first year of high school.

_Coincidence? _Can you call it a coincidence when you've already been separated from him and had been reunited with him, only to be separated from him again after two years?

Three years ago, on their third and final year of high school, Ayase Chihaya had managed to finally succeed Wakamiya Shinobu at being the strongest player of Karuta, -dethroning her as the Queen, as one calls the strongest female player of the mental sport,- after three long years of grueling practice and even more losses from Wakamiya. At the same time, Wataya Arata, grandson of the Eternal Master Wataya Hajime, had stolen the most coveted Meijin title from Suo Hisashi, sweeping cards from right under his nose effortlessly and crushing him with twenty cards in advantage. It had been a glorious, victorious night for the Mizusawa Karuta club, but had also been a night of incredible depression for one man.

Mashima Taichi, esteemed President of the Mizusawa Karuta club, had lost to Wataya Arata in the finals of the Eastern qualifiers for the Meijin challenger match, with only a two-card difference.

Chihaya could clearly remember everything that had happened, as though it had only been yesterday. She could see the ecstatic, audience of the finals, and feel the crawl on her skin as the intense, electrifying atmosphere that could only be provided by someone competing in a Queen Match surrounded her. She could see the perspiration trickling off Shinobu-chan's forehead as she hurriedly wiped it with a Snowmaru hand towel, and feel the erratic beating of her own heart as they leaned forward, foreheads nearly touching as their arms positioned for a swipe of the cards that were remaining on the field.

_My connection with the cards is stronger than yours._

Chihaya had never doubted that feeling of Shinobu-chan's. Really, it had never crossed her mind that she had such strong connection with the cards that she had focused on her entire life. But she had never doubted her determination, and she had never lost sight of her goal. After all, she loved karuta _more _than anyone else did.

Was it because of that that she had failed to see that more than anything else, she was needed, by a friend?

A friend, who up until then, had been loyal to her, had been tolerant of her every whim, had helped her start a karuta club despite of her bullying him into it, and had always stood at her back, cheering her on when no one else was there to do so?

Chihaya had wondered a thousand times what it was that made her forget about him. Or maybe, she wondered how she, of all people, _could _do that to him. Had she been so focused on her goal that she had failed to see that he needed her, at the most important time of his life?

_I was so focused on the goal that I didn't even notice that Kana-chan and Desktomu-kun were at their breaking point. I'm so sorry. As Captain, I ought to have known better._

Who was she kidding? She had been like this ever since High School. The only difference was that at that time, she was only starting out as a captain.

This time, she had hurt a person who had stood with her throughout everything, who had laughed and cried with her for many years, who had comforted her throughout the lowest points of her life.

Now that she had a chance to really think about it, she realized that she had, in fact, plainly and simply abandoned him.

And now, she was paying dearly for it.

_I am a horrible friend. How can I expect him to forgive me? After all that I did?!_

That was asking too much from him.

Chihaya stared out the window of the car that her cousin was driving, an asleep Chizuko lying on her lap and using her legs as her pillow. She was absent-mindedly stroking her hair, her eyes seeing into nothing as houses, stores and people flashed by.

"So… that is _the _Mashima Taichi that you've been talking about."

She turned to see her cousin looking at her through the rearview mirror, his bright green eyes looking at her somewhat guardedly and cautiously. Despite having matured a greater deal throughout the years, she had not lost that child-like wonder and innocence, which made her wonder why he was looking at her like that so seriously.

"Yes… that's him." She responded, careful not to speak too loud, lest she woke up Chizuko-chan. "He hadn't changed at all… He's still the same."

"Oh, he has changed alright. People change over the years, Chihaya-chan. Do not forget that." He said, turning his attention back into the road. He stepped on the gas as soon as the traffic light flashed green. "So… how do you feel?"

She took a deep breath and sighed. Her fingers tucked in a stray strand of Chizuko's hair behind her ear. "I'm fine as can be. I guessed right, didn't I? I told you he was there, at that hospital."

"He looks like he's an intern." Her cousin said, honking at a passersby that he had nearly hit because she was crossing the road in such a slow manner. "A rather good-looking one at that. No wonder that nurse who came from that direction looked flustered. Who knows, maybe he had been making out with her." He joked half-heartedly, trying to lighten up the mood of his cousin.

_Making out?_

Known for being incredibly airhead about these kinds of things, he was surprised when she turned red. From embarrassment or irritation, that, he didn't know. "He's not like that, Keiichi-nii. He isn't the type who plays around with girls like toys and discards them once he'd have his fun." She practically snapped at him.

"Simmer down before you get too pissed off." Keiichi said, cracking a smile and brushing off her irritation. "So now you know what 'making out' is? I'm surprised. That's Chihaya-chan for you. You're quite the quick learner aren't you?"

"Hang around a lot of girls who do nothing better with their time but talk about that, and let's see who wouldn't learn." She snapped, somehow getting seriously pissed. A feeling of discomfort was pricking through her chest, and she found herself feeling incredibly irritated. Even now, she wasn't good with emotions, and she wondered why she was starting to feel uncomfortable from the joke.

"Okay… Calm down." Keiichi could see a storm brewing on the horizon, and he didn't want to be standing too close to her once she snapped. He wondered idly how Mashima Taichi had managed to survive the three years of high school with her. Yes, his cousin had matured a greater deal, but he wondered how it had been before with her, when all that she had focused on had been karuta, and _only _karuta.

_Any sane guy would have given up on her. But that man… even earlier, I knew he hadn't _truly _given up on her. That's what real love is. I could see it in his eyes. The hopelessness… that feeling that even when you wanted to give up and accept everything, you're still stuck with that. It isn't a wonder that he had ran away before… and still ran away from her now._

"What are you planning to do now?"

Chihaya's head snapped up at the question. She herself had been wondering the same thing. She knew better than to try and force herself to him when he had so adamantly pushed her away, but it didn't feel right to leave things the way they are.

She had left things the way they were before, and that had been the biggest mistake she had done in her entire life –even bigger than the time that she had ignored Kana-chan and Desktomu-kun when they had been on their breaking point. She had lost him. There was no use denying that it had been her fault when he had suddenly become distant little by little, until finally, he had just disappeared.

_I should have been there for him. I should have comforted him when he needed it the most. But I was an idiot, and I only ever thought about our victory…_

But the truth of the matter was, she had always been afraid of rejection. That is what she had found out about herself in their final year of high school. She was a monster when it came to karuta, but really, she wasn't good at handling relationships with people. Perhaps that was what's wrong with her really. She could be depended on when it came to everything related to karuta, but she was a complete basket case when it came to people.

It was the first time that Taichi had, in actuality, distanced himself from her, and she had thought nothing of it at first. Then she had been too caught up with the events of her own life -such as being caught in a panic trying to decide what to do in her future- to even notice it until the day of their graduation. By the time she did, it had been too late.

_He was gone._

Arata had been the sole person who had managed to give her his support and comfort, though she had suspected, at one point, that Arata knew what was happening between the three of them more than she did, and understood it even _better_ than she did. She had wanted to know, of course, and had wanted to understand, but since it was the first time that something like that had happened between her and Taichi, she had found herself reeling and backtracking.

It was a mistake that she had hesitated to ask what was wrong with him before, and had not ever tried talking to him. She was too surprised and caught unawares of his sudden distance that she got scared, -scared that if she tried talking to him, he would drive her away.

And because she had been afraid, their friendship had paid the price.

But she found him again. She had found him again. And she is not willing to lose him for the third time.

"He's pushing me away, Keiichi-nii." She finally said, voice low and sounding unsure, bending down to gaze at her adorable niece, who was still remarkably asleep. Children had the uncanny ability to fall asleep through everything, and she envied that. If she could escape reality for a few hours…

But no. She had escaped reality for far too long now.

Keiichi looked at her again through the rearview mirror, and sighed to himself. He had to go in to the library earlier because she hadn't come out, only to find her still staring at the closed door, eyes wide and tears continuing to course down on her cheeks. He knew how much it had hurt his cousin to lose one of her dearest friends, but he was willing to bet that the hurt went beyond, _way _beyond the hurt of losing a friend. He and Chitose had known this ever since Chihaya's high school years, but neither of them had been willing to point it out to her as they both knew she was not in the correct frame of mind at that time. "Well…" He finally began, trailing off to make sure she is listening, "Do you expect him to make it easier for you? That things would go back to the way it was when you left it? Of course not, Chi-chan. Things change; people change. Along with their goals and priorities in life."

Chihaya stared at him, meeting his eyes evenly through the rearview mirror. "I know. I'm not that stupid to think that things will go back to the way it was -at least, not immediately." She said, almost sounding helpless.

"Which brings us back to the question: what are you planning to do now?"

Chihaya's expression suddenly changed, the helplessness and fear replaced by sudden determination and conviction. Whatever it was that she realized had made her suddenly go back to the girl that she had always been: a fighter and a girl known to never have backed down. Keiichi was once again reminded of the girl who had become queen three years ago, and still is the reigning queen now to boot.

If he had to admit it to himself, his cousin was quite the woman, if you take away the airheaded side of hers.

"I have to talk to him," she responded, taking her eyes away from her cousin who had turned his attention back to the road, "I think… it's about time I find out what really happened years ago. I have to take responsibility for what had happened back then." She twirled her fingers together. "I… can't afford to lose him again, Keiichi-nii."

Keiichi nodded, then hid his grave expression. "And what will you do if he pushes you away again? I'm warning you already, Chi-chan," he trailed off, sounding quite worried for her, "This is not going to be easy for you. I hope you don't get yourself hurt in the process. He's been terribly depressed after all. The least that he could do would be to protect himself. It's a natural instinct."

"Then I suppose I would have to do what I am best at; being stubborn and hard-headed." She responded, unwilling to be daunted by the prospect of Taichi avoiding her. She had been afraid three years ago, and she _refused _to be intimidated with the mere fact that she hadn't changed from the girl who had never been great with handling relationships well. As she had said, she didn't want to lose him for the third time. She knew how it would _break_ her if she didn't do something this time, not when Kami-sama seemed to have given her the chance to make things right with her childhood friend.

Keiichi had to smile. "I suppose I can't argue with you then?"

Chihaya smiled as well, one of those smiles of hers that never failed to brighten up any person's mood, be they angry or not. "No. I'll be fine Keiichi-nii. I have to do this. For my sake, and his. And Arata's." She sighed out. Now feeling much better at having decided a course of action, she felt her spirits lift up. "Don't worry about me. It's time for me to stop running and acting like a scared girl. That's not me at all, don't you think?"

"Now that I think about it, yes." Her cousin agreed readily.

She laughed softly, restraining herself as Chizuko was still asleep.

"But… are you sure about this?" Keiichi couldn't help but worry for her. He knew how his cousin always gave her hundred percent to everything she does, and thus, made the pain of failure twice as hard for her. "I… well, I just don't want a repeat performance of how you've been three years ago when he disappeared." He shuddered with the memory. If it wasn't for Arata, she still would have been the zombie-like girl who was there in front of them but never really there in mind.

Chihaya shivered as well, and he knew that they were both thinking the same thing. That man… it was he who had caused her to act like a complete undead for a few weeks after he had disappeared. He was madly mistaken if he thought she was just going to let everything go this time again without saying anything. "Yes I am. After all, I am the Queen. And a Queen never backs down from her decisions. She needs to take a card in the field before her opponent does with all the conviction she has, no matter how much it will hurt that person."

Keiichi sweat dropped. Leave it to her to turn it back to karuta. This girl is hopeless.

And yet, unlike Chitose, that is what he admired in her.

"Well then, I guess that means you've made up your mind." There's no stopping her. Everything is for real now. He crossed his fingers, hoping for the best. He was rooting for her after all. "Guess we can go home peacefully now."

"Nuh uh, not yet. Stop here for a moment." She said, smiling mischievously.

He raised an eyebrow. "What? Why?"

Chihaya giggled as he pulled the car to a stop on the curb in front of a shopping center. "Because it's sale with this mall today, and you know what that means, right?"

"What? Surplus?" Keiichi asked, not liking Chihaya's smile at all.

"Baka Keiichi-nii. No. It means I get to shop for Daddy bear merchandise!"

Keiichi nearly crashed with the steering wheel. This girl…

_Is it a wonder that until now she doesn't have a boyfriend?!_

But he had to smile as Chihaya carefully laid Chizuko-chan opposite her and excitedly left the car.

"Wait for me Keiichi-nii. I'll only be there in thirty minutes, okay? Bye love you!"

She never changes. And yet, he was hoping that she will be able reach out to Mashima-san.

_Because it's just about time._

* * *

"I warned you already."

Taichi hid a flinch as he stared across to his companion who sat in front of him munching on a butabara, while placing another one on the grill situated at the center of their table. Despite of the years that had passed he was still pudgy, though he already had lost some weight. Taichi marveled at the fact before that despite of being quite 'porky' during their high school years, he had managed to play tennis at all, teasing aside.

"That's the closest you've ever been in saying 'I told you so,' Nishida." He grinned with more than a touch of wariness. He had been surprised with the sudden visit from one of his high school friends, the closest to him so far after all these years. Despite of the distance from their respective universities, Nishida managed to come over today to –more likely than not, - check on him. "How is everyone?"

He had been doing well so far after meeting _her _again, but he had to admit that he needed someone to talk to right now. Nishida, as always, had impeccable timing. As a result, they were in one of the famous yakiniku restaurants situated in the heart of Tokyo, a few blocks away from his university, eating their hearts out.

Well, for Nishida at least. He hadn't even managed to take a bite of his barbecue, having lost his entire appetite.

"Oh they're doing fine, as far as I have heard." His friend responded, referring to his former team. "Desktomu-kun has already passed the qualifying exams for law –he's confirmed to be taking his final year as Kana-chan told me. As for Kana-chan, she's about to take over their family business once she graduates from designing. Ayase… well, she already has a confirmed employer the moment she graduates. And guess who? Mizusawa of course. She's been confirmed for the teaching post once she graduates, -the empress has already signed her up for it. Pretty efficient of her, don't you think? As for Tsukuba-kun and Hanano-san… well, Tsukuba's doing well with architecture and Hanano-san's said to come home from New York next week."

Taichi had to wonder how he could speak straight while munching on a tontoro without a care in the world. If his mother saw his friend right now, she would have been horrified at his friend's lack of manners. But then again, he thought, he had always wondered what if felt like not caring for manners once and acting 'without a care in the world.'

_Like a certain someone else._

There was no question that he was proud of his friends, -of his team. They haven't really talked back then what their plans are for college, only to find out a few weeks before graduation that they had all applied _and _been accepted to Tokyo University, or Todai, as the students had been calling it for years now, - which had to be one of the most prestigious universities in Tokyo. Komano Tsutomu had been accepted with full scholarship to the Faculty of Law, saying that he had really wanted to become a lawyer to 'help the other poor people defend themselves'. Taichi could remember chuckling at that one privately, thinking that Komano does have a passion for unexpected things.

Oe Kanade, meanwhile, had committed to enter the Faculty of Arts majoring in design, saying that she wanted to help their family promote their clothing line business, declaring that they should not neglect the beauty of their culture and that people should be paying more attention to formal wear, as it distinguishes what they- the Japanese- were made of, after all. He had agreed to that one, knowing Kana-chan's passion very well, and how it really suited her.

Nishida Yusei, -surprise, surprise,- had gone to Faculty of Practical Arts majoring in Culinary. He said that he was planning to open up his own business with his sister helping, and that he had wanted to do one of the things he loved- cooking. The guy, then and now, had been the sole connection he had back in childhood when he and Chihaya were just beginning to love karuta. Ironically, now he also is the sole connection he had between his friends and _her._

Hanano Sumire, meanwhile, had gone over to New York in order to study business as well. The girl had actually confessed to him a few weeks before the Eastern qualifiers for the Meijin challenger match, to which he was not given the opportunity to decline, because she told him that all she needed was for him to know and that she was aware that he was in love with someone else. And that had been that. The next weeks it seemed that she had become someone else, because she had stopped being obsessed with love all of a sudden and took the role of teaching the first years who had decided to join the club, much to everyone's surprise.

Tsukuba Akihiro, Taichi was surprised to learn then, had taken up architecture in Meijin University. He always had the dream of being able to build structures that would last forever, saying that karuta is not so different from architecture, because he believed that while all sports had the chance of disappearing, karuta will _not_, as it had survived to this very day, and still is being played by _them. _Just like architecture, it will remain for long in this world, standing strong and unwithered by the passing years and days, he claimed.

But no one was able to surprise him more than Chihaya herself.

There had always been no clear goal for her outside of karuta, as her dream had only been really, -to become the Queen. He remembered the days she used to write the word 'Queen' itself on their career plan forms during their second year and the first quarter of their third year. He remembered, as his impeccable memory could, how she had agonized over the fact that she had no clear goal on what to do regarding her life _outside _of karuta. It wasn't that she was stupid, (though it had always been a running joke between them of her infamous titles of 'beauty in vain' and 'karuta baka', depending on whatever you wanted to call her,) but it made her… single-minded. He was aware how she lived her life only trusting her guts and first instinct. It had always been hard to believe that she could focus on some other thing while her eyes are only ever fixated into _one _objective.

But then, wonder of wonders, she had applied, _and _made it into Todai. That was while she had battled it out with Wakamiya Shinobu for the Queen title, and juggling studying for the college entrance exams. With Komano's help, she was able to get good grades for her cram school tests, and she was able to pass the entrance exams, entering the Faculty of Education, telling the team that she wanted to teach karuta to kids and share the joy she felt every time she played the sport.

She had always never ceased to amaze him. He had been proud of her, but had not chosen to say anything, because that was the time when he had made up his decision to drop out of her life completely.

As of now, he didn't know whether to regret it or not.

"And you?" he asked, hiding another flinch when Nishida mentioned her name earlier.

"What else? Once I graduated from culinary I'll be trying for one of the hotels here. It would pretty cool." Nishida replied, then turned suddenly grave. "But really, the question should be: what are _you _going to do now?"

He averted his gaze from his friend, looking down to his misuji without really seeing it. "Study for _my _qualifying exams. What else?" He quoted him, grinning wryly, but Nishida remained grave.

"I'm serious, Mashima. I know you're probably not in the best mood right now but really, if Ayase had already found out where you are, then be prepared. She's not going to let you slip away so easily again."

"You make it sound like she's some kind of criminal from CSI or something." He said amusedly, brushing his statement aside, not in the mood to worry and be even more depressed.

Nishida was not impressed. "Really, don't you think three years were more than enough? It's just about time for you to 'fess up, you know."

"I did not do anything wrong to confess something to her." He shot back matter-of-factly, narrowing his amber eyes at his friend.

"Except disappear off of the face of the earth for three years, without telling her ever _why._" He retorted, leveling his empty stick at Taichi. "Look, my friend. Don't you think it's time for you two to talk? It's been three _freaking_ years already. It wouldn't do to keep her in the dark any longer. She deserves the right to at least know of what really happened years ago. Heck, you, of all people _deserve _to move on." Nishida said, in an almost pleading voice, lowering the empty stick of his tontoro down and opening his eyes to look at his friend darkly.

"Right on as always, are you?" Taichi commented, taking a half-hearted bite out of his misuji, which was a wonder how it had not melted even when he was staring at it since earlier.

The road to Nishida's understanding of his decision had not exactly been smooth and easy. The moment Taichi had found out that Chihaya was going to Todai after all, he had been adamant to drop his application to it. It was what actually influenced his decision to pursue a medical degree into also one of Tokyo's top universities: Waseda University, or _Sodai _as it was also famously known. At first they had been surprised with the idea, but as soon as it became apparent that he was doing it to avoid them and _Chihaya, _of all people, it led to a confrontation between him and Nishida, the both of them nearly at each other's throats. The club members had elected Nishida to be the one to talk to their mad President, which made sense since he was the only other one aside from him who can be level-headed when needed. As expected, everything spun out of control and nearly led to the club falling apart, but thanks to Kana-chan's quick thinking, who told them that it wasn't as if he would be throwing them away, the club was saved. She said that she understood that he needed space to gather his thoughts, and he had been forever grateful to her because of it. But of course, _space _meant that he would have to avoid them for a while.

The weeks had turned into years.

_Dammit._

"Don't you think it's time to bury the hatchet? Ayase believes that she had lost you years ago because she hadn't been there when you needed her the most, when _in fact,_ we all know that has _not _been the entire reason."

His eyes narrowed. "I'm not going out there to ask for her pity, Nishida. I thought we've already established that. So _what _if I lost to Arata due to some trivial matters years _ago_? It's not as if her knowing will change anything." He was beginning to be annoyed.

"Losing your hearing little by little is not a trivial matter, Mashima!" Nishida exclaimed, gritting his teeth, forgetting that they were in a restaurant. The people around them looked around in alarm.

"Enough." Taichi snapped, suddenly looking every bit the former Mizusawa karuta club's respected buchou again, effectively cutting any retort Nishida is about to make, the latter managing to only glare at him instead. As he met his eyes head-on, he realized his blunder. He sighed. "Sorry, Nishida. You don't deserve the receiving end of my temper. Look, man, I know you're just concerned and all, but… can we _please _just not talk about this now?" he asked, with more than a touch of exhaustion.

Nishida eyed him warily, then sighed. "I was just trying to help. Because I feel sorry for Ayase. I've been tolerating you for years now Mashima, because while I cannot sympathize, I _can _empathize with what happened. And really, aren't you tired?"

He was tired. More than tired, if he had to admit it to himself.

"Look, I… I'll think about it. Happy?" he speared a spare rib and without actually realizing it, just shoved it into his mouth. "Can we just eat? I'm starving." He asked evasively, not in the mood to argue with him.

_Starving my ass, _Nishida seethed inwardly, but he had no choice but to let him have his way now. He couldn't fool him when he was the one he had chosen to keep communications open with the past years, when he was the one who knew him the best out of their team, because, hell yeah, he was the one who stuck with him all throughout everything. He knew that Taichi _knew _this, but is deciding against _his _own wishes anyway.

Mashima Taichi's pride had always been something. Every one of them knew that this had always been the case since their high school days. But it was that same pride, Nishida had to admit, which led them to win their team matches, and what made him soldier on after losing an important match and deciding to leave the one girl he loved ever since, like, forever.

And that was the exact reason why he wanted the two of them to talk. Because he had never seen anyone like this man try so hard. It was making him tired, watching his friend suffer in silence all these years, while trying to live his life normally, watching the _two _of them dance around each other, always out of each other's reach. He thought it was about time someone knock some sense into that befuddled, brilliant brain of his.

And Ayase is the only one who can do it. Because if not, all would be lost.

_Hurry up, Ayase. For your sakes, hurry up. He needs you._

* * *

**I was nearly crying when I made this chapter. Because man, this file disappeared from the folder I was saving in, and I did not manage to create a back up file! Dang. I had to rewrite nearly everything. Ugh. I also originally planned this out to be a Chihaya chapter, but I felt that I should be able to at least, shed some light on the events. As a result, it got really long. I hope I did not bore you guys out.**

**Okay, so it seemed that there was more to what really had happened years ago. Honestly, Taichi is just a man full of secrets -and sometimes- unpleasant surprises. Hope Ayase is up to finding out what it really is, because man, even Nishida believes she was the only one who can reach into Mashima Taichi's closed and guarded heart.**

**Let me know what you think. See you next chapter, my lovely readers! Toodles!**


	4. Chapter 4

Again, I am back!

This one took longer to update, as life really started to distract me now. Ugh. Okay so that was no excuse, but still…

Thanks to LauraNeatO for again, leaving me a review. She always made it a point to leave one even if it was difficult. Thank you for all the follows, and faves, to aguslay, a new reviewer, and to the guest who left one… whew. Well, at least the feedbacks were growing. Haha. Thanks!

And so I'll leave with you this chapter. For now. I hope you will like it!

* * *

**IV**

Taichi sighed inwardly as he maneuvered his car to the entrance of the basement parking lot of his apartment. Well, if the word _apartment _would really cover it. It was more like a condo unit, which his mother had insisted for him to have even when he tried convincing her that he wouldn't really need that much space especially if he was going to live in it alone, and that a dorm situated right inside the campus will be just fine for him.

_I have already allowed you to stay here in Japan and attend Sodai even when your father and I had wanted to send you off to Cambridge instead. Wouldn't you at least, allow me to do this much for you? _He remembered her clearly asking him that three years ago.

His mother had always known how to pull the strings, he grudgingly admitted. It was not a wonder how she had married his father. She had lots of wit and conviction, which he had inherited.

_Wit? Yes. But I wonder about the conviction. Hah._

He rolled in to the parking space reserved specifically for him, careful to look around. As soon as he was sure that everything is in order, he softened the roar of the engine to a soft purr before turning it off. The car had been a gift from his father during his twenty-first birthday, a brand new, silver Lexus LF. _Consider it as a late graduation and entrance examination gift. You have made it to Sodai after all. It's not every day a son of mine gives that kind of honor to the family._

Now, if only his father cared more about him than the family pride.

He opened the car door and let himself out, straightening himself to full height. To an outsider, he had all the grace of a panther, tall and handsome, with an air of someone who had seen the world already. Okay, so maybe he had not seen _everything. _But then again, that was the aura he was giving off, which had always made countless women fall for it whether he wanted them to or not.

There _is _one girl he had only needed to fall for it, but _again, _that didn't work. So thanks, but… no thanks.

Locking the car doors, he went around to the back to get his things. Opening the trunk, he got out the thick books he had borrowed from the library today, adamantly trying hard not to get his thoughts to stray to her again, and slung his bag over his shoulder. He was about to move around when he suddenly felt as if he was pushed under water, like someone had covered his head with a plastic bag- the sounds disappearing all of a sudden, like it was being sucked out by a vacuum. Recognizing the sensation all too well, he shook his head, as if doing that would help.

_Calm, Mashima. Stay calm. It would disappear in a minute. Just wait._

Sweat appeared on his upper lip as he tried to balance the books he was holding, willing himself not to panic. It was taking longer than he expected, and he tried to convince himself that it would disappear. Wait. Just wait.

_Don't do this to me now. Please. I still have to pass the qualifying examinations. Kami-sama. Please._

A few more minutes later, he felt as if the world righted itself again and someone got him out underwater. He sighed with relief and wiped his forehead with a shaking hand, realizing that he had begun to be sweaty.

He had been used to episodes like this. It was irritating, but as long as he could hold out until he graduated, then that was fine with him.

He straightened up and locked the trunk, then begun trudging to the elevators down in the basement. He couldn't help but think that this scene resembled a horror movie, where the lights would shut off on the protagonists and they would be locked in the basement, where a monster or some kind of psycho in a killing spree would chase them.

_Good Lord, Mashima. Is this what you're doing now? _Imagining _a horror scene? Christ._

He pushed the button for up, and the doors opened. As he did, there was a sound of clicking heels, and a woman sprinted up to him, nearly giving him a heart attack in surprise because he hadn't noticed her at all. She smiled at him sweetly and stepped in first before him, then he followed after her with a racing heart.

_This is what you get for imagining horror scenes! Are you trying to kill yourself? _He scolded himself mentally, ignoring the woman standing beside him and arranging the books he had in his arms as he pushed the button for his floor and the doors closed.

"That looks quite heavy. Do you need help?" a sweet voice asked charmingly.

He turned to the woman beside him, spotting her smiling a what-he-called the 'winsome' smile, the one that women use to get a man's attention. He knew that simple trick all too well.

Well, he was not in the mood to play around. He took his time to assess her: she had wavy, luscious, dark locks, a fair complexion, bright green eyes and a blemish-free face, with a pair of legs to die for, which was exposed under a decent-length black dress.

He was exhausted after the events of the day and was still reeling from his encounter with Chihaya. The only thing he wanted right now was the comfort of his home, a large mug of his favorite coffee and these books.

"Thanks, but no. A woman should never carry heavy things." He muttered in a monotone, shifting the books for a more comfortable strain on his left arm.

He was caught off-guard when she took a step closer to him and smiled coyly, raising a finger and running it over his left arm. "Well, aren't you the gentleman. No, I wouldn't mind. It was to help someone else after all."

He automatically recoiled. _Uh oh. Not good. Not good at all… _"I'm really sorry, ojousan, but-"

She cut him off when she pushed him to a corner of the elevator. His heart was racing already under the stress of the situation. First Chihaya, and now this! Is it any wonder he had been having attacks like the one earlier?

Okay so wait. He had no right to blame Chihaya. It was not her fault he was being stressed out by this woman who he did not even know and who came from God-knows-where.

This is why he had never appreciated being popular with the opposite sex. Ugh.

"Can you spare me a little of your time? My friends are having a get-together here tonight. Care to join us?" She whispered near his ear, causing goose bumps to rise on his skin. He was still a man, after all, and he had not been a stranger to these things. He may have steered clear off of women for the past three years he had been away from Chihaya, but he wasn't exactly pure and innocent. She grinned upon seeing this, smiling knowingly _and _provocatively. _God_, he wondered, _what did I do to deserve this?_

Thankfully, the elevator dinged, signaling that he was on his floor already. He stood straight, having had enough. "Sorry. Maybe next time. I'm not in the mood. I'm sure you can find someone else to play with." He said in a monotone again, huffing indignantly and eyeing her with a wary gaze. Not forgetting his manners, he bowed and turned his back to her, ready to step outside and leave the bewildered woman behind.

Only to stop, freezing from his tracks.

Ayase Chihaya, yes, _the _Ayase Chihaya who had haunted him these past years all the time and had barged into his life unknowingly earlier, was standing just outside the elevator, her large, doe eyes squarely on him.

"We need to talk."

* * *

Chihaya had been nervous and practically restless all day, even when she had decided a course of action already. She was so restless that she had to call the one person she knew could calm her down and make her think clearly.

"_I've found him."_

"_Him?"_

"_Yes, Arata. _Him_. Who else would I be talking about?"_

The voice on the other end of the line had grown quiet for a while, quiet in a sense that she had caught him by surprise. She could tell he hadn't been expecting this kind of news, not when he was still in Osaka as of the moment, in the middle of a travel internship.

"_Really? That's great, Chihaya. Finally. How is he? Where did you find him?" _She could tell that he was glad as well, but was too reserved to be able to express it properly.

"_He's doing great. I found him at the Sodai University Hospital. Guess what? He's an intern there! That moron… he had been studying in Sodai, after all, just like you suspected. I guess he's been doing fine by himself…"_

He had cleared his throat, sensing her spirits drop. _"You sound unsure. Haven't you been able to talk to him at all?"_

Tears pooled into her eyes, remembering what had happened earlier, the pain and anguish that she had seen reflected in his eyes. _"No. He… He avoided me again. He was pushing me away, Arata. I had really wanted to talk to him, but…"_

Silence followed again. She was growing nervous that time that she had to ask, _"Y-You're not mad at him or anything, are you?"_

"_No. Of course not. I can never be mad at him, Chihaya. I just wish he would talk. Tell us the problem." _She had heard him sigh at the other end. _"He can really be petty when he wanted to be. Honestly. That guy."_

She sighed as well. _"But, Arata, I'm planning to talk to him. I mean… seriously, I have to know what had happened… How he's doing. I missed him so much."_

She heard him chuckle, but it was more of a weary sound. _"I know you would. Well, goodluck. But be careful, Chihaya. You may find yourself surprised. Taichi… well, he's different than before."_

It was times like this that she suspected that Arata knew something that she didn't. The way he would talk about Taichi, (because she knew that despite of men being not touchy-feely with each other, -as she recalled Taichi telling her years before-, Arata, in fact, _misses _him as well,) sometimes suggested that he knew what had really happened to him.

To which she had no freaking knowledge about.

"_I wonder if he's ever going to allow me to talk to him." _She had said nervously.

"_He had to allow you, Chihaya. It's just about time already."_

He is supportive. Perhaps he really had missed their wayward childhood friend. Which made her wonder again whether he really isn't hiding anything from her.

These were the thoughts running in her head as she all but dragged Taichi away from the woman in the elevator earlier. She hadn't expected to see a woman so close to him, and she wondered whether they actually knew each other. If so, why was he leaning away from the woman? She couldn't help but feel so irritated and annoyed –had he gotten himself another girlfriend?

Although now that she thought about it, it wasn't exactly wrong.

So why is she so annoyed anyway?

Taichi had enough of being dragged around and stopped to wring his arm from her grip. "Will you let me go? I can walk by myself." He said in an annoyed tone, glaring at her back.

She whirled around all of a sudden to stare at him with fierce eyes that he nearly took a step back. He had always known that she had violent tendencies, and he didn't want to be standing too close to her once her arm lashes out to either punch him or slap him again, (either one highly probable to happen).

"We are _talking_," she hissed between gritted teeth, "and I am not going to allow you to run away from me again like you did earlier." She narrowed those pair of auburn eyes at him, as if challenging him to show her his fangs.

His teeth ground together in response. Why, oh _why,_ was this woman testing his resolve, when he had decided years ago that she would be better off without him in her life? And how the _hell _did she even find out where he was living anyway?

"I've given you the hint from earlier, Chihaya. I'm busy, and I _need _to study. Which means I can't talk to_ you_. Please understand that much." He snapped, though his voice sounded low and nearly pleading.

_Let me go, Chihaya. Please, just this once listen to me. I don't want you to see me like this._

"You can't talk to me because you need to study, or was it because your girlfriend is waiting for you?" She practically snarled at him accusingly, her eyes going into slits each minute passing. Her hands were clenched into fists, and they were actually trembling.

Why did he suddenly feel that that accusation had an undertone of jealousy with it?

More than that, though, he felt incredibly offended. Who did she think she was anyway? He maybe in love with her yes, but that doesn't mean she can suddenly accuse him of things she didn't even understand in the first place. His temper spiked, and he found himself taking steps forward, his amber eyes also thinning into slits, narrowed with irritation and anger, and she stared back at him, chin raised in defiance and challenge. "She's not my girlfriend. Nor do I even _know _her. But what do you think gives you the right to accuse me of something like that? You don't even know what you're saying. Don't mess with me." He said through clenched teeth, lowering his head until they were almost nose-to-nose.

Chihaya felt intimidated, but hell if she showed him that. She wasn't going to allow him to escape. Not when she had a chance to understand what really had happened to him. "I am your best friend. Or _was_, since you suddenly decided that you don't want to be friends anymore three years ago, right? But hell yeah, for _me, _you're still my best friend even when you suddenly disappeared without a _freaking _explanation!" She snarled right back, her temper also getting the best of her.

"You want to talk? To find out what happened? _Seriously?_ And why, of all these years, did you suddenly decide to find out?" His voice was growing louder by the second. "You were doing so well with your life. Why worry about things that were outside of your concern?"

He obviously chose the wrong thing to say. For the second time in one day, her palm made contact with his cheek. And this time, she had looked like she had no intention of apologizing.

Taichi gazed at her, his amber eyes pained, but otherwise devoid of any other emotion. She took a deep breath, her face sill red from anger. "What do you think I'm made of, Taichi? Why do I worry about things _outside _of my concern? When have I ever treated you as someone outside of my concern?!" She yelled into his face, tears pooling into her dark eyes, but she blinked them away defiantly.

"You didn't. You never treated me _that _way, I guess. And maybe that was the reason why it hurt so much here," he prodded his chest with a fist.

Her auburn eyes widened, momentarily confused. At the same time however, a door from the left side opened and a tall guy with ear piercings stepped out and gave them a weird look, probably wondering why they were standing in the middle of the wide hallway breathing heavily and looking as if they just came from a screaming match.

Taichi blew out a heavy sigh and ran a hand through his hair exasperatedly. He was starting to hate the situation more and more. Why the hell won't she just let him go anyway?

"You want to talk? Fine. Follow me."

* * *

Chihaya found herself sitting in the middle of the living room of his unit, absolutely in awe of all the space and grand feel of the place. It very much gave off the 'guy' vibe, with very little décor and simplistic arrangement of his things. Right in front of her was the television she swore was the same one he used in his bedroom back in his old house, with his own stereo and stacks of dvds beside it. The coffee table was at the middle, with books under it. She grabbed one to study the cover, but her eyes turned swirly the moment she read the title.

"Human Anatomy."

She took the next one which said:

"Medical Contexts and Discoveries in the Twenty-first Century."

The third one read:

"Surgical Procedures Most Common in Japanese Society."

_Man, _she thought, forgetting for a moment her apprehension, _Taichi is serious about becoming a doctor._

Well of course he is. Back then, she hadn't even realized that he was serious about becoming the next Meijin.

That thought alone brought her back in her current predicament, making her cringe. She had managed to convince him to talk to her, but what now? What was she going to tell him? How was she even going to start a conversation to begin with?

It didn't help that she began to feel the nerves creeping up on her. She was grateful to have a few minutes alone to herself since he was preparing some coffee, but what is she going to do once he comes back?

_Don't start acting stupidly. What are you getting nervous for? This is Taichi! Just Taichi! Focus, Chihaya!_

So why couldn't she shake the feeling that something is about to go wrong?

Right at that moment Taichi re-entered the living room, holding two large mugs of steaming coffee in both of his hands. She wasn't much of a fan of coffee, but at the moment her mouth watered from the aroma which came from it.

"Here," he said, gently placing the mug in front of her on the top of coffee table, noting how she flinched at the sound of his voice. "It's Java, so I'm not sure if you'll appreciate it."

"Whatever flavor is fine with me. As long as it doesn't kill." She responded nonchalantly, missing the glare that he had just thrown her way.

"What is that supposed to mean?" He asked irritatedly.

"Exactly as it's supposed to mean." She retorted, bending down in order to gather the mug carefully into her hands. She took a tentative sip, and was rewarded with the delicious taste of java.

They both fell silent. Like the calm before the storm, the tension built it's way into the room and began to thicken. It was so thick that you could probably slice it with a knife. Chihaya sipped and sipped, throwing furtive glances at him every now and then, but he was determined to avoid her gaze.

"Anyway, before I forgot," she began tentatively, placing down her mug for a while and reaching into a small purse slung over her shoulder, "They wanted me to give this to you."

She pulled out a small thing from her purse, and she gazed at it lovingly before stretching out a hand with it. He hesitated, then reached for it, his fingers brushing over hers, nearly dropping the hard book-like thing she held when he felt a shock run up his arm. Cursing himself inwardly, he stared at it, recognizing it as a small photo album.

"That was a gift from everyone during our final year." She explained, voice sounding sure and confident. "They made it as a sort of souvenir for our final team match as high schoolers, but… they didn't have the chance to give you yours. They made me the keeper, so that I can give it to you if ever I find you again."

Taichi carefully opened the album, inhaling a sharp breath as he stared at the first photo. Despite of the years that had passed, the photo still looked new.

It was a photo of him in his classic green and flesh hakama, bent over the field of cards, face concentrated. His opponent, the one who replaced Eromu as captain from Fujisaki High, was none other than Yamashiro Rion. It was a night full of surprises, when the match came down between the two of them in a luck of draw. He remembered wishing so bad for his card to be called, like he did back in their second year and their schools were also opponents, wishing for it so badly that he felt as if his heart was about to bleed from just doing so.

As if an answer to his prayers, his card had been called. _Impassionate Gods… _

He swallowed, eyes getting wider and wider each second passing by with each photo he saw. His match against Amakasu from Hokuo. Their match against Akashi Girls' High. A photo of him and the senior members from of the Mizusawa Karuta club: Nishida, Komano and Tsukuba, all holding the cup. Another photo showed him , Kana-chan, Sumire-chan and Chihaya, this time, grinning widely while wearing their hakamas and giving a thumbs up sign in front of the camera.

Every photo felt like a stab in his chest. These were memories he had left behind… memories that he had buried in the past, because it had hurt too much just remembering them.

The last photo took his breath away.

It was a photo of him and Chihaya, and the photo was taken during the school parade. As thanks to their effort and victory of bringing home the Tokyo Regional championship, the school had arranged for them to have a small celebratory school parade, since it was already their final year. He was laughing in the photo, and a giggling Chihaya was riding on his shoulders during that day, holding her pompoms and giggling like crazy. His friends had managed to convince the captain to perform such a feat for them to be better able to represent Mizusawa. He had blushed back then, but Kana-chan had pushed him into it.

It was too much. He felt like he was drowning in a sea of pain, and he was breathless and powerless against the wave of memories which tore open the wounds fresh again.

"Really, Chihaya, what do you hope to achieve by showing me these?" His tone was sharp, cold. Chihaya flinched visibly with it.

"I was hoping it would be able to knock some sense into that thick skull of yours." She said, also coolly. Whatever he was planning to say or do, she wasn't going to let it intimidate her. No. She wasn't going to allow him to push her away again.

"I no longer play karuta. What are these for then?"

"Souvenir? Memories?" She shot back determinedly. "I don't know, but maybe you remember what you once had before."

He gave her an emotionless stare, one which made it look like there was an another person within his body. "I do not play karuta _anymore, _Chihaya. These will be of no use. I dropped it years ago already."

"Because you lost during the Eastern qualifiers?" She hissed. "Really, Taichi? Because of that _you _gave up immediately? When have you ever seen me give up when I lost? Did I give up when I lost for the first time against Yamamoto Yumi?"

Taichi's eyes flashed, and for a second she felt scared. "You don't know anything, so stop talking like you do." He practically growled at her, his hands clenching around his mug of coffee.

She stood her ground. "That's funny. Maybe I really don't know what I am saying. But you know what? I don't know _anything _because you never told me anything!" Her voice was rising steadily now, despite her best efforts to remain calm. "Do you know how much Kana-chan and the others missed you? How _Arata _tried to find out everything he could to reach you? How _I _despaired because you weren't there?" Tears were pricking her eyes now. "How can you be so selfish, Taichi? Weren't we friends?" She had stood up, coffee and all forgotten.

He stood up as well. Just hearing the word _selfish _made his blood boil unimaginably. "Selfish? _I _was selfish? Dammit, Chihaya! Do you know how much that match meant to me? Do you know how it hurt, deep down here," he practically socked his chest, "To realize that I would _never _be able to become a Meijin? What do you know? What _would _a Queen know about almost reaching your goal but never really having it all this time!?" he exclaimed angrily, and he nearly lost his balance when his left ear suddenly hurt, making him gasp inwardly, not wanting Chihaya to see him.

_Damn it… _

Her fists were clenching, not noticing his gasp of pain, so concentrated was she on the argument. "You used to tell me what was bothering you before, and back then, even when we were kids! And I used to do the same! What changed now, Taichi? Tell me, what changed?" She practically begged, her tears sliding down her cheeks.

"_I _changed, that's what." He responded, raising a hand and rubbing his left temple which was starting to ache, sounding tired, as if his energy had been drained all of a sudden, "_I _was the one who changed." He averted his gaze from her to the side. "I was never like you, Chihaya. I wasn't such a positive thinker. I am more of a realist, -the one who never hopes too much. I wasn't like you who never cared what other people think, whatever they say about you. _I _wasn't like you who can always get up even when life doesn't always go your way. It was always something I admired about you, and what I always _hated _about myself." He covered his eyes with his left arm. "I'm different, Chihaya. I wasn't the same as before…"

Something felt wrong, and yet Chihaya had no idea what it is. Her fists clenched and unclenched, her heart starting to beat twice as faster than before as she finally noticed how his eyes were squeezing shut when he removed his arm. She couldn't respond -how does a person respond to that statement, anyway?

Taichi raised his eyes to look at her, and Chihaya felt something twist her heart. The look in his eyes was so full of pain that she started being nervous. For him to feel such a pain… there has to be something else that will make him look like that. Karuta may be a reason, yes, but she had always known Taichi to be a person who wasn't fixated into one thing. Years of growth and maturity had taught her how to be in tune with other people, though she had to admit, she was still lacking in that area.

But this is Taichi she was talking about. They practically grew up together, spent their high school years together. She would know. She _ought _to know that much.

Whatever it was, something really felt wrong here.

"What else are you not telling me?" Her heart and her _fists _were already clenching as she realized there was more to all of this than him just losing a karuta match years before. "You're still not telling me everything are you?!"

"I already told you-"

"No!" she exclaimed, cutting him off, "Don't lie to me, Taichi! I've had enough of you hiding things from me! Please, what else are you not telling me?!" she added, finally noticing how he winced, his handsome face twisting into a grimace.

_W-What is going on?_

She felt her heart stopping as she saw him stagger all of a sudden, before finally losing his balance and falling into one knee. She rushed to him, her heart beating wildly now as he clutched at his head, now unable to hide his grimace and sharp gasps. "T-Taichi!" she could only exclaim as she felt as if all the breath would whoosh out of her lungs.

His ears were ringing, and he felt as if someone was playing a malfunctioning jukebox, turning the volume on and off, on and off. He could feel Chihaya's hands flutter over him in a panic, and his head felt like someone was drilling into it mercilessly. "Get out of here, Chihaya. Get out…" He didn't sound as if he was driving her away, but it sounded as a plea. "Please. It would do you no good to stay here…"

"Like hell I would leave you when you're like this!" She hissed angrily. "What's wrong, Taichi? Please, you have to tell me what's wrong!"

He was tempted to tell her what was going on, but it's as if someone suddenly pulled the plug out of a stereo, as if all the sound had been sucked out of the universe.

It was too much. The shock was too much for his body to take. The last thing he saw was Chihaya's worried face and her tears, which he tried to wipe before succumbing into unconsciousness.

_I'm sorry, Chihaya. Forgive me please…_

* * *

It felt like an eternity that she was already sitting outside the emergency room. She couldn't sit still, actually, but she refrained from walking back and forth. She had the strange urge to bite her nails, but she knew it wouldn't help.

She was a mess. When Taichi lost consciousness, she could only dial the one number that came into her mind, -the emergency hotline. She thanked her lucky stars that she even remembered that one number, because she would have been caught in a panic if she hadn't tried to keep her head. She thanked Harada-sensei's military training of keeping calm even in the most dire of situations.

As she rushed him to Waseda University hospital, she mailed their friends, and the only one who had managed to reply so far was Kana-chan. She had called her to tell her she was on her way already, and to stay calm.

Her legs were still shaking, as she prayed with all her might that Taichi would recover. She had no idea what was going on, but she prayed all the same, that he would be okay.

Running footsteps from the left corner alerted her that someone was approaching, and she looked up, expecting to see Kana-chan. She was right, as Kana materialized not long after, running, cheeks flushed and breathing heavily. "Chihaya-chan!" she called, and Chihaya stood up, rushing over.

"Where is he? Where is the president?" Kana asked worriedly, as Chihaya shook from head to toe, biting her lip.

"H-He's still in the ER, and… and the doctor still hasn't come out…" Tears pooled into her eyes again. "I-It's all my fault, Kana-chan!"

Kana, as always, hurried to comfort her. She assisted her friend to one of the benches outside the emergency room, and they sat down. "Shhh, Chihaya-chan. It's not your fault. How can it be your fault? Tell me what happened. How did you find him?"

In a heavy and shaking voice, she recounted what had happened earlier, -from her niece's check up until their heated argument. Kana listened patiently, her face growing even more worried as time passed by.

By the time Chihaya finished, her cheeks were so flushed and her eyes were puffy from crying too much. Kana rubbed her back soothingly as she tried her best to comfort her friend. "K-Kana-chan, w-what if something is wrong with Taichi? H-He never did tell me what really had happened years ago…" she bit her bottom lip. "Kana-chan I'm so scared. I-I don't know if…"

"Shh, Chihaya-chan. It's not good for us to be assuming things. It's best to hear everything from the doctor first." Kana opened her bag and pulled out a water bottle. "Here, drink this first. This will help you calm down."

Hiccuping from crying too much, she accepted it gratefully. "T-Thanks, Kana-chan. You're the best."

Her friend patted her hand in response, and waited with her outside for what seemed like hours.

Finally, the doctor emerged from the emergency room, and spotted the two of them. He hurried over as they both stood up. "I need to speak with an immediate family member." He told them in a grave voice.

"H-His immediate family is in Mizusawa, and I'm his…" she trailed off, wondering what to say. What was she to him? A best friend? Not anyone special to him at all…

"His girlfriend." Kana-chan slipped in easily, and Chihaya turned to her in a panic. _What?! _"Actually, his fiancée. They are about to get married in four months."

Chihaya turned red from her neck to the roots of her hair. "I-I…" she reeled with the stern, blazing look Kana-chan suddenly gave her. "Y-Yes. His… er… _iinazuke_." She winced inwardly at the lie.

The doctor stared at the two of them for a minute longer before sighing. Kana-chan's was a face that inspired trust. "Then come with me. We have much to discuss."

With shaky legs, she followed him into his office. She was burning with questions, but she waited patiently and obediently as they entered the office and the doctor gestured for her to sit. She sat down without a word, her heart hammering in her ribcage now.

"You must be Ayase Chihaya." S he jumped when he spoke. She turned to him questioningly, eyebrows raised. He sighed. "I recognized you from the karuta queen matches my sister is addicted to watch. I am Ryuzaki Ensei, one of the resident doctors here and a good friend of Mashima-kun." He explained, also taking a seat.

"S-Sensei…" she began nervously, wetting her lips and trying to stop herself from shaking, "H-How is Taichi? Was he alright? W-What was wrong with him?"

The doctor removed his glasses and ruffled his ash-colored hair. "He's fine now, I've given him a sedative so he'll be asleep in a few hours. Based on your questions, it seems you didn't know of his condition yet."

Her heart beat wildly, as if wanting to jump out of her ribcage. "W-What condition? Is he sick? O-Or something…?" she trailed off, and his expression turned, if possible, even more grave.

"So I was right. He hasn't told you anything." He sighed and rubbed his temples. "Ayase-san, listen carefully. What I am about to do will be a breach of doctor-patient confidentiality. I have to tell you this, since it also seems that he chose to keep everything to himself." His eyes went unfocused and appeared faraway. "He… has never told anyone about this, I would assume."

Chihaya felt the dread creep onto her spine, and she watched as the doctor seemed to be gauging her reaction. "Sensei… W-What is it? W-What do I have to know that he hasn't told anyone else?" she was beginning to panic again. Why was it that his expression was twisting in pity? Why?

"Ayase-san, Mashima-kun's condition is not something so light." She swallowed at the dark expression on his face. "I'm not supposed to tell you but… I fear that if someone wouldn't know, it will be too late."

Her auburn eyes widened.

"Mashima-kun has sensorineural hearing loss, Ayase-san. It was a hearing defect that he had been diagnosed with three years ago."

* * *

This chapter took even longer to write, because I've been going back and forth deciding how to write this and that. The end result was this.

Way to go, Taichi. Just great. Hiding something like that, eh?

Let me know what you guys think.


	5. Chapter 5

Okay so here's the next one.

I did a little research with Taichi's condition, but admittedly, I had chosen to tweak a few parts of it. I hope no one is going to bite my head off with this. I've seen this happening in my head so many times that I just had to write it like that.

Thanks, LauraNeat0, for finding the previous chapter a good one. I certainly hope I don't disappoint you with this.

Okay, on to the story!

* * *

**V**

Chihaya felt as if she herself had gone deaf, all of a sudden.

_He has sensorineural hearing loss, Ayase-san. It was a hearing defect that he had been diagnosed with years ago._

The doctor watched as her expression seemed to change each minute. The words seemed to sink slowly into her brain one by one, but it's as if she couldn't make sense of them. The only thing she understood and her brain could accept were the words 'hearing loss'.

_No… no, no, no. Please. No._

"T-That can't be true." She muttered, eyes wide and lost as she gazed at the doctor. He didn't respond immediately, eyes watching her guardedly and cautiously. "That's not true!" She exclaimed, her vision starting to blur as her eyes filled with tears.

"I wish I could say the same, Ayase-san, but no. That is the truth. Mashima-kun's condition has started years ago, back in his high school days. I have tried convincing him to take the necessary precautions but-"

"He's only twenty two! H-He's still young and… h-how could he have hearing loss? Taichi had never neglected himself. How could that even happen…?" But even as she was saying the words, she started to doubt it.

"Hearing loss chooses no age, Ayase-san." Ryuzaki-sensei explained, sighing. "The same is true now for any other terrible illnesses you may encounter today. Even twenty-seven year olds may have Alzheimer's now…" He wiped his glasses with his handkerchief before putting them on again. "The point is, his condition isn't getting any better. If even, it's getting worse."

Was there no end to the hurt? Chihaya wanted to sob, but she could only sit there, frozen and unflinching on her seat, eyes wide as she stared uncomprehendingly to the doctor. She wondered if Taichi had felt like this several years before.

_Of course he did. Of course…! _She cried internally, finally understanding the incredible pain her friend had gone through. Every time she remembered the pain and agony reflected in those golden orbs of his, she felt as if someone was slicing her heart with a knife.

Ryuzaki-sensei stood up and clicked the switch for his reading lamp, pulling out one of his drawers and pulling out a long, brown envelope. He opened it and perused through the files. When he found what he needed, he handed it to her.

"These are his files. Though some of it may be too technical for you to read, you will get a general idea on his condition." He seemed to doubt for a moment. "I wasn't exactly allowed to show you this, but given the circumstances…"

With shaking hands, swallowing hard and feeling scared of what more she will be able to find out, she read, and read.

_No… Please, Kami-sama, no… This isn't… It couldn't be…_

But the words she was reading seemed to grow bigger as she tried to understand them, and each time she did, it felt like they were mocking her.

"Meniere's disease?" Her head snapped up to look at the older man in question.

"Yes. Mashima-kun's sensorineural hearing loss was classified as a form of Meniere's disease." He explained, crossing his hands over his chin and looking at her seriously. "There is no exact known cause of it. It may be due to family history, or head trauma. Either way, it affects your hearing. Your _iinazuke's _condition started with his left ear, if I remember correctly. Now, though, it has affected his right ear as well."

All the color drained out of her face. "And you're doing _nothing_?!" she practically yelled at him. "Sensei! H-How could you have allowed him to let this go on for so long? How was it that _no one _seems to be aware of what was going on with him? Why isn't anyone doing anything to cure him?!"

"Because he chose to live with it." He said in a deep, regretful voice, momentarily stumping her.

Momentary silence filled the room with his response that Chihaya had to ask. "What do you mean, he chose to live with it?" Her voice sounded suddenly small as opposed from earlier.

Ryuzaki-sensei leaned back into his chair, raising his eyes to the ceiling. "How long have you known him, Ayase-san?"

Startled with the random subject change, she looked at the doctor with a confused expression on her face, but nonetheless, she tried to answer the question. "We… We were childhood friends. We went to the same elementary school with another childhood friend –Wataya Arata. We lost contact during our middle school years, but then Taichi and I reunited back in our first year of high school." She looked down into her hands as she spoke. "Since then, it had always been about karuta for us. Or maybe, just for me," she chuckled dryly, "I had always been known as a karuta baka in our high school. I bullied him into joining the club, after all."

The doctor was staring at her as she reiterated their story. She didn't know what made her tell him this, but something about his silence urged her to continue, even if he was practically a stranger. "I had always thought that we would always be together, -me, him and Arata. But I was wrong." Here, tears once again formed in those auburn eyes of hers. She really seemed to be crying a lot today. "Near the end of our third year, he had suddenly grown distant. I was too happy and oblivious to even notice what it is. Before I knew it, he was just… gone. Without any explanation for the past years."

He looked at the wall clock situated on the wall opposite of his desk. "Was I correct in recalling that that was the year he had joined the qualifiers for the Master challenger match?"

She looked at him in quiet surprise. "That was the year."

Ryuzaki-sensei was staring at her, as if willing her to think. "You fell out of touch with him, yes? Which means you're not exactly his fiancée." He said matter-of-factly, at which she flinched, looking scared that she had been unknowingly busted. "Well… alright. So maybe you weren't really his fiancée. Hearing how long you've known him was still enough." He rubbed his forehead. "I haven't always agreed with his decisions, but he chose not to tell anyone regarding this, anyway. Mashima-kun has always been stubborn when it came to personal matters. He never wanted to bother anyone with his problems…"

"Which means even his family did not know?" Chihaya was beginning to get mad again. "How had he even managed to hide it from them all these years? From _us? _Didn't he even think that we at least deserved to know!?" She had stood up, unable to contain her emotions with just sitting. It felt as if her heart was breaking all over again for him, and there was nothing she could do to help. It made her feel useless at all.

"He had his own reasons, or so he says." He explained warily.

"This is hearing loss we are talking about!" She exclaimed angrily. "How long was he planning to hide it from us, anyway? And _why,_" she hissed, "isn't he doing anything about it?! Is his condition incurable? What else do I not know about **this**?"

Ryuzaki-sensei didn't so much as even flinch with her exclamation. "There are treatments, which can help the loss of hearing. In Mashima-kun's case however, we need surgery in order to fix the bones in both of his middle ears. It will greatly help improve his condition."

"Then what are we doing here? Why aren't we rushing off to contact his family and have a surgery procedure done?" She tried to control her voice, but she couldn't stop her fists from shaking. Why weren't they doing anything? They are wasting time!

This question, he was afraid to answer. "Listen carefully, Ayase-san. Even if I have the world's miracle drug at my disposal, I cannot help someone who doesn't want any help."

The response had her stumped. "W-What?"

He was looking at her squarely in the eye as he weighed his response. "Mashima-kun chose not to have the surgery. And I understand, I truly do. Because even if we did have the surgery, there is a seventy-thirty chance that he will not hear again."

She felt as if someone had punched her through the gut, and her knees buckled that she had to hold on to the chair when she felt herself losing her balance.

_That's… not true… No…_

"Seventy-thirty. Which means…" She trailed off, even if she knew the answer. That is why she wondered why she even bothered asking anyway.

"The greater percentage was the greater risk of him not hearing again." He responded gravely, but his voice sounded with pity. "He chose not to have the surgery. He had only managed to live with it this long because he had been taking certain medications in order to ease the episodes of hearing loss attacks."

She wrung her face in her hands, and allowed herself to cry. She felt so broken, so useless. She hadn't known. All this time, she hadn't known the suffering her best friend, (did she still even had the right to call herself that?) was going through. She had been blissfully unaware of his condition, and she had allowed herself to think that he was just being so prideful and selfish when he had chosen to stay away from them.

From _her._

Now that she had thought about it, he had been trying to protect her, and maybe even everyone, choosing not to say anything because he hadn't wanted them to be hurt, preferring to shoulder everything alone and in silence. It also clearly conveyed that he didn't want them to be bothered, and knowing him, he most probably hadn't wanted any pity.

_Taichi… you absolute moron…_

She was speechless. The situation… his decision to keep it from them, dammit, it was _so _Taichi. It was so like him not to say anything regarding what he had been actually going through.

What hurt the most here is that he hadn't trusted her enough to even tell her. Did he think that she was too weak and brittle to not be there for him at all?

Or did he think that she _was _going to leave him alone?

"W-What are we going to do then?" She hiccupped, trying her best to wipe her tears and keep from crying too much. As dire as the situation can get, she couldn't allow Taichi to do that to himself. If she had to drag him to a surgery room then she will do it.

"I have told you all of this because I believe you can help," Ryuzaki-sensei admitted, crossing his hands once again over his chin and eyeing her apprehensively under those glasses of his. "Mashima-kun is the closest thing I have to a younger brother. I had met him during his last year of high school, and I have to say, that kid had impressed me."

"He has always been smart." Chihaya agreed, twiddling her thumbs and biting her lip. "Sometimes too smart. Like how he hid all of this until now."

He sighed. "A genius, one might say." He added. "But Ayase-san, as an older brother, I cared for him. And really, I don't want him to throw away every little thing he had cared about just because of… _this. _Of what he was going through. I know, the surgery has very little chance to help. But I don't want him to self-destruct either."

Chihaya stared at him, willing herself to understand what he was saying and what was _not _being said. And with a flash of understanding, it suddenly dawned on her.

"You… You want me to convince him to take the surgery, don't you?"

He was looking at her cautiously once again. "In a sense, yes. But as I have said, there was very little chance that it will help. I just wanted to actually ask you to look out for him." He said carefully, gauging her face for her reaction. "I wanted to ask you to take care of him, because heaven knows, I've tried, but you and I both know it isn't enough. And honestly, he had chosen to keep it even from his own family."

"He was shutting me out." Chihaya said matter-of-factly. "I'm not sure if…"

The doctor just stared at her that she trailed off, realizing that earlier she had made the decision not to let everything be a replay of the past years. "I will take care of him," she finally said, now sounding sure. "He doesn't have to be alone now." She cleared her throat. "But I'm not sure if I want to convince him to take the surgery."

"You will know what to do," Ryuzaki-sensei responded. "If there is anything my thirty years of life in this world had taught me, is that there will always be a time that you will know what to do even when you don't know it now. Have faith, Ayase-san."

She nodded. "I hope so." A tear fell from her eye.

_Give me another chance, Taichi. Let me be there for you._

* * *

The problem, Chihaya realized later, is how she was going to tell her friends about Taichi's condition. Just thinking about it made her heart break all over again, and somewhere in the back of her mind she understood why he had chosen to keep it from everyone.

_Should I even tell them?_

She would realize, later on though, that she didn't actually have to lie about it.

In her absence, Komano and Nishida had arrived, and were talking to Kana-chan in hushed tones outside of the doctor's office. Having her sharp hearing, she had no trouble discerning what was being said.

"So the doctor is talking to her." Komano said in a low tone.

Nishida nodded, as Kana-chan glanced between the two of them. They were so absorbed with their conversation that they hadn't even noticed that she had already gone out from the office. "And he was probably going to tell her what Mashima has. Well, good. Finally. At least everything is out in the open now."

Her eyes had widened hearing what Nishida had said. _Everything is out in the open now?_

"Do you mean to say that you _actually _know what Taichi is going through?" She asked in a high voice, her fingers curling into a fist once again as the three jumped and whirled around to look at her.

"C-Chihaya-chan!" Kana-chan gasped aloud as she stormed over to the three of them. Before Nishida could take a step back she had already grabbed him by the collar.

"Tell me the truth. Did the three of you _know _that all this time Taichi has been suffering from hearing loss!?" She demanded as Kana-chan and Komano tried to step between them and break her hold. Her tear ducts started to fill once again as she held Nishida fast by his collar.

"Let's calm down Ayase-"

"I wasn't talking to you, Tsukue-kun!" She snapped at Komano who involuntarily took a step back, despite of the fact that he was actually taller than her now. As did Kana-chan. "Stay out of this. I want to hear it from Nikuman-kun! Did you-"

"Yes!" Nishida cut her off, not in the least bothered by her holding him by the collar. "Yes, Ayase. We know. We knew that he had hearing loss already. Satisfied? Or did you want to find out how we _knew_?"

She started to cry as her grip on his collar slackened. She felt incredibly betrayed. How was it that no one ever bothered to tell her? How was it that _they _had kept it from her, who was his best friend, who was supposed to know about it? _How!?_

"W-Why," she began in a shaking voice, "Why is it that no one told me about this? Why," her grip on Nishida's shirt collar tightened into fists that she didn't care whether she was ruining his shirt now, "Did you choose to keep it from me? What else did I not know? What else are you people choosing not to tell me?!"

"Chihaya-chan-"

"Do you know how it feels to be kept in the dark all these years, to not know what was going on?!" Her voice was loud now, not caring whether people passing around them actually stared, "All this time I thought he had kept it from all of us, and now _I _find out that you actually knew about his condition? And you call yourself _friends_ when you're actually conspiring together?"

"Now look here Ayase-"

"It's painful here!" She exclaimed, slapping her chest, glaring at Komano once again. "I bet you wouldn't understand what I'm feeling right now. You're not the ones who haven't been trusted enough to even know about it! You're not the ones _he _had decided to avoid, whom he had decided to run away and hidden from the last three years! You _wouldn't_ know how it feels to me right now!" She exclaimed, breaking into a sob.

"Exactly." Nishida responded in a quiet voice, and everyone seemed to stop with that single statement. He was looking at her as she held her hand over her mouth, eyes wide and seeming surprised. He lowered his head. "Ayase, that is why he had decided never to tell you what was happening to him."

She couldn't make sense of his words.

"Do you know how it feels to love someone with your whole heart and never wish them to be hurt?" He said, praying he wasn't giving her too much information. "Do you know how it feels to watch someone you care about fade away slowly?"

"What has that got to do with it?" She asked, sounding somehow confused.

Nishida's eyes narrowed even more. "It has everything to do with it. Right about the time we finished the team match and gained the Regional Championship, Mashima was already having trouble hearing correctly. He had hidden it from _all _of us not wanting to distract us with our current goals, Ayase. Not long after that, Harada-sensei has been diagnosed with Meniere's disease, and Mashima had been the first one to know." Nishida looked so sad that her tears had stopped flowing for a while. "We were there when he found out. Remember the time that he suddenly had to go because of an emergency?"

Chihaya could recall it clearly. They were having one of their practice matches that time, preparing her for the Queen match with Shinobu-chan. Taichi's phone had rang, which he had gotten up to answer immediately. When he took the call, all the color from his face had been drained. She remembered asking why he had looked so pale, and how he had opened his mouth to reflexively answer her question and closed it again, forcing a smile which hadn't even reached his eyes, telling everyone that he had an emergency and had to go home. As always, her being the airhead she was, she had shrugged and allowed him to go.

"Harada-sensei's wife had called him, telling him that the doctor was asking to see him. And that was how he had found out." Nishida sighed. "I'm not supposed to know about it, but I heard him talking to his phone that day. I went out and bought snacks right? That was how _I _had found out what was happening to Harada-sensei." He explained, as her hands finally dropped to her side.

How on earth did she not notice what was going on between the two men who she had valued most in her life? Where was her brain?!

_I didn't know… I never knew. Harada-sensei… and now Taichi…_

What kind of a friend and student was she!?

Nishida's expression never changed out from the sadness he was feeling. "Mashima had juggled the little time he had during our final year. We were all preparing for our entrance exams and individual matches, but he managed to find the time to visit Harada-sensei once in a while." Nishida's eyes had opened, but his eyes looked faraway, distant, remembering the events in the past which, she had not, shamefully, known about. "I know how it had affected him so much to see his mentor like that. To see the man you look up to so much fade away slowly… to watch the man you once knew change… I could only imagine what he had gone through."

She remembered the time Taichi had looked depressed before the Eastern qualifiers, and how she used to ask him where their mentor was. How he would hesitate before telling her that Harada-sensei had gone on a vacation so suddenly, and that he was only feeling tired recently.

She wanted to sink low into the ground. She had never deserved his friendship. She dared to call herself his friend, when in actuality, she never knew what he had gone through.

"He had chosen not to tell you because he hadn't wanted you to be distracted." Nishida added, turning to look at her once again as she looked down to the ground, her eyes already shedding more tears. It was so embarrassing to admit, but it seemed that this was the only thing she could do now. "You know how he is. He had never stopped thinking of the team. He hadn't wanted us, _you, _to lose your focus, especially since you were so enthusiastic when you finally made it to the challenger match. And then," he had paused for a while, letting his words sink in slowly, "he and Wataya had faced each other in the Eastern qualifier finals. I know how it painful it is to lose, to come in only second, to fail at the thing you wanted the most, -to be so close to it and failing to reach it. But nothing would be even more painful to find out that you won't be getting the chance to do it again."

She had looked at him.

"Right after losing the match, Mashima had been diagnosed with hearing loss." Nishida muttered, avoiding her gaze. "He lost with a two card-difference right? I remember him telling me that his hearing had suddenly fluctuated during the second round. I urged him to let a doctor look into it. And that was when he found out." He let out deep breath. "He wasn't planning on telling anyone, but I had grilled him about it. And that was how he had told me." He watched her staring at him as she sobbed quietly. "I tried convincing him, Ayase, to tell you. Heaven knows I have _tried _convincing him for years to let you know. But Mashima has his pride, and even then, he was only thinking of you. As I had said, he hadn't wanted you to lose your focus from what you wanted to achieve, because you had been busy with preparations for entrance examinations and the queen match." Nishida held onto her when her knees buckled. "Believe me Ayase, he had meant well. He hadn't wanted to add to the strain and stress we were all feeling that time. And since he hadn't wanted you to be hurt because of what was happening to him and Harada-sensei, he had chosen to stay away from you in order to protect you. He believed that that was the right thing to do."

That was the final blow. She collapsed on the ground, breaking down. Kana-chan, crying herself, rushed forward to try to assist her to stand up, but she felt as if she had lost control of her legs already.

_Taichi… Taichi you moron… why haven't you told me? You selfless idiot… You brave man…_

"I'm sorry for not telling you. I had wanted to, but… he asked me never to tell you regarding this. He had his reasons, and really, I believed that he _did _believe that you were better off not knowing."

She couldn't take it, -the pain was too much. She felt as if her heart had been cut out of her chest and left her bleeding. "I-I never knew… all this time I hadn't known!" she exclaimed wildly, clutching onto Kana-chan as if trying to find something she had lost. "I didn't deserve to be called his friend. I didn't deserve to be even known as the captain of this team!"

"Shh, Chihaya-chan-"

"How could I not notice it? How could I have been so _blind_?" She sobbed, beginning to pull at her hair in frustration. "How was it that I hadn't known what was happening at the time? _How!?_" She didn't know what to do with herself. "This is all my fault. This is all my fault!"

"Chihaya-chan!" Kana-chan exclaimed, catching her hands which were pulling at her hair in frustration and keeping it at her lap. "It's not your fault. It's not your fault that he had chosen to keep it from you- from all of us." She whispered, wiping her tears from her cheeks in a very motherly way. "You shouldn't blame it on yourself. The only thing that we could do right now is to stay with him. Support him. You, especially," she made her look at her eyes to make sure she is listening, "he needs you now. You have to stay with him."

Chihaya looked at her with the look of someone who was lost. And then slowly, she realized, Kana-chan was right.

What was she doing, crying like there was no tomorrow? Taichi… Taichi wasn't dying or anything. Yet. Though she knew that it would be better for him not to suffer, now that she fully understood, now that she _know_, she had to be there for him. There was no excuse for him to continue avoiding her further, and if she had to chain their wrists together for her to be able to do that, then she will do it.

She had made the decision not to let him go again. Therefore, she had to see it through. She was not too much of an idiot to think that it was going to be easy doing that, -after all, she still have to scale his infamous pride,- but as she had told her cousin, if there was something that she was good at, it was being stubborn.

And Mashima Taichi should know better than to test that stubbornness.

She wiped her tears and stood up, helping Kana-chan up. She looked at all of them. "You're… You're right, Kana-chan. Of course you are." She took a deep breath and sighed. "I-I'm sorry, minna. I shouldn't have reacted like that. I shouldn't have been so… oblivious, in the first place. I have never been so good in reading other people, and I am ashamed to admit that Taichi was no exception."

Komano stepped forward and held her shoulder. "Ayase, it's not your fault that you weren't good in reading other people. But now that you know, then you have to stay with him. Mashima, however much he tried to hide it, needs you. I know you've been hearing it countless times already, but it's true. If there was anyone he wanted to be there for him right now, it would be you."

She looked at Komano seriously. "Sorry for yelling at you earlier, Tsukue-kun. Nikuman-kun."

The two boys nodded, messing up her hair like they do before.

"So… what now?" Nishida asked. "Have you informed anyone from his family?"

She bit her lip. That was an another problem. "I… I haven't yet. I don't know what to do honestly, because his family didn't know as well."

They looked at each other worriedly. "Don't worry about it. We'll find a way." Komano said, trying to ease the atmosphere of dread that has once again, started descending unto them.

She hoped they would. Before it's too late.

* * *

He was dreaming. He should be.

Because he had never held Chihaya like this in his arms. Nope. Never. It only happened in his dreams, or when he was daydreaming. But never in real life.

So why is it that her hair felt so ticklish against his neck, that she felt so real and solid within his arms?

His eyes fluttered open. Everything was blurry at first, and he couldn't make sense of the shapes and later on, sensations that came with it. Then everything came into focus, as if a television with bad reception getting fixed.

Everything is white. The walls. The light overhead. And then as he turned to look at his side, Chihaya's face came into view, her head pillowed on his chest, her arms wrapped around him, her mouth slightly opened as she snored in a very cute way.

She is beautiful, and he had always known that. Now though, nothing could be more beautiful than the sight of her asleep. He had always been fascinated watching her sleep, even back during their high school days when she had used his shoulder countless times to sleep on in their train ride home together.

_If this is heaven, then I sure wouldn't mind dying._ He thought, his hand coming up to stroke her chestnut hair.

Then something pulled at his hand with a sharp pain. He looked at his right hand, only to see a gauze plastered on it. He followed it with his eyes, and realized he had a dextrose attached into his wrist.

He was in a hospital.

As soon as he realized that, he began feeling that he could only hear through his right ear. His left felt numb and hollow.

_Wonderful._ _Now I'm only hearing with my right. What else do I have to feel?_

"Chihaya." His voice felt like it hadn't been used for days. It cracked like paper. He tried again. "Chihaya."

She stirred slowly, until her eyes opened, immediately coming to rest on him. Then her smile nearly blinded him, if there was such a thing. "Oh good. You're awake." She lifted her head from his chest, and he immediately missed the feeling of her head against him. Of course, he mentally smacked himself from the thought. "What happened?" he asked, turning to look away from her.

A frown formed across her brows. "You mean you don't remember?"

As soon as she said it though, everything came rushing back. Their meeting. The argument. How he felt so hurt, then he had another episode of the attack and…

He fainted.

Taichi's eyes widened. "W-What are you doing here?" His heart started beating twice as faster as he began to panic. _She musn't know. No. She musn't know! _"W-Why are you still here?"

Chihaya's frown deepened as she registered his behavior, turning to look at his heart monitor which was beeping so loudly, showing the erratic beating of his heart that she was puzzled. "Why are you so upset? Someone has to look after you, you know, and I just couldn't call your family to do that."

He was panicking now. "Y-You don't have to stay." _Push her away. She doesn't have to know!_

Her eyes were beginning to narrow. "Are you kicking me out again?"

"I can look after myself, Chihaya. You don't have to worry about me." He insisted, even when deep down he wanted the exact opposite.

"Taichi-"

"I've been doing it for years. Just go home already. I can look after myself." _Go away, Chihaya. Please. Just leave me alone._

She was glaring at him now. "Well, I can see that you've been doing such a good job in that department. But no, I'm staying whether you wanted me to or not. Now just go back to rest." She responded stubbornly, punctuating her point by crossing her arms over her chest.

Taichi's hands curled into tight fists as he met her glare with his own. "I don't need you to take care of me. I am doing just fine-"

Her temper burst. "Don't you dare tell me that you're _fine!_ Because you're not fine at all, you moron! You're not! I know everything now, see? I'm done with your stupid martyrdom!" She exclaimed, standing up and glaring at him so badly it was a wonder he still wasn't rolling on the floor in pain.

He froze. She knew? But… why? And how?

"Chihaya-"

"I am not going to let you drive me away again!" She added, tears forming in her eyes. "I won't let you shut me out again. I've had enough." She collapsed back onto her chair as she took his hands in hers, the tears making it's way down her cheeks. "Taichi please. There's nothing to hide now. I know everything. You don't have to protect me anymore."

He stared at her. He was staring at her hard, and as she watched, his eyes slowly turned glossy, until she saw the tears form as well.

_Oh Kami-sama… Taichi… He's hurt…_

"Who told you?" He averted his gaze from her to the side as the tears fell from his eyes now.

She looked down to their hands. "Ryuzaki-sensei talked to me. And he told me your condition. And… I'm glad he did. Because now I finally know, now I finally understand. You don't have to continue fighting on your own, Taichi. Please, let me stay with you." She pleaded, as he turned towards her again.

_I never wanted you to find out… You, of all people…_

"I don't need your pity, Chihaya. Leave me be." He said monotonelessly, in a last attempt of hiding from her, because heaven knew how the walls he had built between the two of them for years beginning to crumble now. He slowly slid his hands from hers.

Chihaya squared her shoulders. She knew it wasn't going to be easy convincing him to not give up and to keep their friendship intact, but he was making it especially hard for her. But she was a patient woman, and she'll do whatever it takes for him to see some sense again.

_He's a stubborn man, Chihaya-chan. I'm sure you know that. But you need to fight for him. After all, you two are best friends. If he can't fight for himself, then you have to do it for him. _Kana-chan's voice rang in her mind, and that gave her confidence. "And what makes you think I'm doing it out of pity? You don't need pity. What you need is a good knock in the head." She said stubbornly, wiping her tears.

He glared at her through his tears. "I'm not joking, Chihaya. I think it's better for you to leave."

"No!" she startled him with her outburst. She was getting mad again. "You don't have any excuse to hide from me now, Taichi. Nikuman-kun had already told me everything, and when I say everything, I do mean _everything _–from Harada-sensei to you. So please, if you care about me, please don't shut me out again." She pleaded, her tears making another path down her cheeks. "For so long, you've hidden it from me. Do you know how it feels to be the last one to know? Do you know how it hurts to feel that you haven't trusted me enough to tell me?" She hiccupped. "Why did you _never _eventell me?"

His eyes widened, and the color drained from his face. "I was doing it for you." He responded defensively, like a kid caught by his mom doing naughty things. "I'm not sure how you would handle it with Harada-sensei, and when I found out about mine, I just knew you wouldn't be able to keep your focus with the coming Queen challenger match then." His eyes became unfocused, faraway. "I didn't want you to see Harada-sensei like that. I knew how much you cared for him just as much as I did, and you knowing what was happening would be a really bad idea. He asked me not to tell you, and I realized that he was right. And when I was diagnosed with it, I just felt the same thing…"

He clenched his fists. "I wasn't planning on telling everyone. Even Nishida and the others, they found out about it accidentally. I had to hide it from my family. From practically everyone." He took a deep breath. His fists were shaking. Somehow, even when he knew he should not be telling her this, he felt as if he was breathing more easily now, like he was being freed of poison. "I didn't want you to think of me as weak. I didn't want anyone, especially _Arata_, knowing that I was beginning to have hearing loss. My heart, -my pride- couldn't bear it." He couldn't look at her straight. "I never wanted you to see me change. To see the person you thought you knew turn into someone entirely different… to see them break slowly and fade away… it was not something I would even wish upon my enemies, much less my friends. Much less, _you_." He breathed out.

"And so you chose to hide it… even from _me._" Chihaya muttered, understanding dawning on her face. She knew how he was talking about Harada-sensei as well. "And so you ran away." Her lip trembled. "You selfless idiot…"

He looked at her. "I didn't want you to suffer with me. And really, I just want to see you smile, to be… I don't know, unaffected with what was happening to me." He gave a hollow laugh. "I guess I was just being protective. And prideful, really." He glanced down to their hands as well, as she had taken it into hers again. "It hurt me knowing that I had no chance of becoming the Meijin. You have no idea how it incredibly hurt, realizing I could never stand with you on the same field. As I have said already, my pride couldn't take it. For so long I believed I could do it, but then realizing that I could never do that again was just a big blow into my confidence that I had to run. To flee and hide. From you… and from everyone." He smiled hollowly.

"Well now, you don't have to run anymore." Chihaya said pointedly amidst fresh tears. "I really don't get why you had to go so far as to avoiding me for years, but you don't have to protect me anymore. I'm not leaving you alone, Taichi. Never again am I going to leave you."

He sighed. "Chihaya please-"

"Pushing me away won't work." She cut him off matter-of-factly. She looked at him with big, pleading eyes. "Let me fight together with you, Taichi. You don't have to hide anymore. I'm here. I'm not letting you go alone."

He stared at her. "I can't guarantee that I will survive the surgery. I'm sure Ryuzaki-sensei already told you about it. Seventy-thirty chance of me not hearing again, right?" He was daring her to meet his gaze. "What will you do once I go deaf forever, hm?"

There was challenge in his voice. She could tell that he was about to give in, but is testing her resolve. A last chance of trying to protect himself. Keiichi had been right about him.

But she would be there for him now. She wouldn't repeat the mistake of not doing anything again like the past years. Of being incredibly oblivious.

"So what if you don't hear again? You're still you, Taichi. Nothing will change." She approached him slowly, finally reaching out and stroking his cheek gently. "We'll still be there for you. _I'll_ still be here for you." She smiled comfortingly. "I will never think of you as weak. Because you're not. Shouldering something like this alone and for years, really, how could I think of that as something _weak?_ Do you really think of me as someone so shallow as to think of you like that?" She demanded, though she wasn't really mad at him.

And that was it. She guessed that she had said the right thing, one that he needed to hear from her, because the tears shone from his eyes again as she wrapped her arms around his slim frame and embraced him gently, allowing him to hide his face on her shoulder as he shook with tears.

She was so relieved to finally manage scaling his pride that she was also crying in happiness. She thanked all the gods known to man that she finally managed to get past his carefully guarded heart, that she finally managed to make him listen to her. She dropped a kiss on his hair, as she felt him return her embrace finally, and her heart felt like it was about to burst out of the affection she felt for this man.

At the same time though, she became aware of a new feeling she was experiencing at the moment, one that she did not recognize.

But she had to shake it aside for now. She will analyze it once she fulfills her promise to him.

"I won't leave you alone again, Taichi. Ever. You don't have to be alone again." She promised, and she felt him nod slowly on her shoulder as he cried soundlessly.

_Arigatou, Kami-sama. Arigatou._

* * *

It was **incredibly **difficult writing this chapter, but really, I'm glad they finally made up! Things are looking good for our favorite guy, Taichi. Huh. Finally. That was a major change.

I planned this one out to be an 'explanation' chapter, one that would at least clear things up with Chihaya and make her understand as to why Taichi had to be a martyr. Although I'm not so confident that I had explained everything, at least I hope I did manage to clear a few questions. *please don't kill me* and they made up! I mean, it's just about time. We know how Mashima needed her, even more at this time with what he was going through. I have to give him his happiness, you know.

Okay so next chapter, hopefully, will be a lighter one. See you in the next one my lovely readers ! Toodles!


	6. Chapter 6

Ooookay.

I am once again back!

Time sure flies by. Can you imagine? I am posting the sixth chapter of this story!

Despite of the few feedbacks I got and even none at all from the last chapter…(huhu…. *Blows my nose on a handkerchief*,) I am still happy to say that this has been a good first fiction, because I get to write about my most favorite love team of all time! And I'm sure there are many out there who're rooting for our favorite guy Taichi as well.

Someone just came back in this chapter, that someone that I know you've been wondering what had happened to years before. I hope you guys will like it!

* * *

**VI**

Needless to say, there had to be a lot of decisions to be made. Adjustments and decisions. She had never been a stranger to Taichi, but really, after three years of being apart from each other, she had to admit that it felt as if she was starting to know him again. Nothing had changed, (in a major way,) she knew, because Taichi was still Taichi, and she was still… well, she. But of course, they had grown without each other and she had to marvel at the little changes that had happened over the last years.

For one…

"You're tall." She said as she watched the sun setting through the window of his hospital room.

He chuckled easily. "I have always been tall. I have to be or else I can't become a doctor, you know." He was starting to pack his change of clothes, throwing in his toothbrush and towel on the bag that she had brought for him the other day.

She whirled around to him. "But I was always so close to you in height!" Her lips were pushed out to a pout, sighing dejectedly.

"Well, I think it's time for you to accept that I am taller than you now, because I'm still growing." He taunted jokingly, snapping his bag shut with a sharp zip. "Imagine how awkward that would be if you're taller than me."

She gazed at him with her large, dark eyes, as if it was the first time she was looking at him directly. She looked so serious that he started to become self-conscious. "Why are you looking at me like that? It's creepy." He inquired in a nervous voice, flushing lightly and averting his eyes from her.

Chihaya just gave him one of those smiles that could literally light up a whole room. She then moved away from the window and bounded over to him, sighing happily and suddenly wrapping her arms around him, leaning on his chest as she had done countless times before already. Startled, his whole body stiffened and tensed up at the intimate contact, no longer used to Chihaya giving him affectionate embraces.

She had never been stingy with hugs and embraces before, -they hugged and embraced each other each time they won a match, - but he had to admit that being away from her for so long had already made him forget what if felt like being held close by her. It was one of those memories that he had forced himself to forget, -because it had been too painful just remembering them. He had torn himself away from her forcibly that making himself forget all that she had used to do before, -her antics and her smile- had been his survival choice.

"Why are you hugging me all of a sudden?" He asked, trying to sound teasing. "You want Ghana bars, don't you?"

She looked up at him for a second, glaring at him and pillowing her head on his chest again. "Just let me hug you, Taichi. I haven't seen you for three years. I've missed you so much." She muttered, burying her head even more on his chest, nuzzling him with her nose. "Is it just me, or you've gotten thinner?"

There was nothing left to do but wrap his arms around her, bending his head down to rest on top of hers. "Thinner? I doubt that. I may have put on some weight. Comes from not having to worry about someone else all the time, you know." He teased pointedly, but his heart was already starting to pound harder. Praying that she wouldn't notice, he tried to slow his pulse down, even when he knew that he couldn't do it by strength of will.

"You feel thin." She pressed, looking up at him to gaze at him deeply in the eyes. "No kidding."

He huffed indignantly. "I'm not thin. I'm wiry. Athletic." He winked at her, and unconsciously, a red blush spread across her cheeks that he had to stop himself from stroking her cheek gently.

He was not in the correct place to do that, after all. Remembering it all of a sudden, his arms slowly dropped to his sides, letting go of her, his eyes turning downwards again. "We have to go. I have a lot of things to do, you know."

He was an idiot. He couldn't let himself enjoy these things after all. "Already? I thought your mom was coming." She asked quietly, noticing how his mood turned down and releasing him from her embrace.

"What am I, a kid? I can pack for myself and go home." He slung his bag over his shoulder. "She'll be here if she thinks I need her to be here."

Following their reconciliation, Taichi had gathered his courage to tell his mom first regarding his real condition. As to be expected, 'Mrs. Pressure's' reaction had been somewhere between surprise and, - for the first time in a long time, - worried. As a real mom should be for her son. He had to admit, it was the first time he had seen her react like a genuine mom should. He had gotten an earful from her as he had been an idiot hiding it for three years, but he couldn't help but feel glad as this was the first time she had acted genuinely concerned for him at all and not the dictator she had always been. She had gone to his apartment in order prepare his things when he gets home for a short while, and to prepare him for a long stay in the hospital.

Ryuzaki-sensei had allowed him to be discharged momentarily in order for him to be able to apply for a leave of absence from Sodai. His recent medical results showed that he had lost consciousness due to stress and study load, and had resulted to him going deaf with his left ear. It hadn't been too alarming and surprising for him, -he had already accepted his condition long ago anyway,- but it had worried Chihaya, so much to the point that she nearly forgot that she still had school to worry about and which resulted to him giving her an earful to be more mindful of her studies and that, as he had survived being alone for three years, he certainly would be able to survive being alone for a few hours.

"Let's go. I'll take you to your dorm." He said, grabbing hold of her arm and steering her gently out of the room.

Chihaya pouted. "I can't go home yet." She muttered, momentarily freezing Taichi from his tracks. "Erm… You and I can't go yet, actually."

He raised an eyebrow at her. "What's going on? Are you supposed to go somewhere else?"

She opened her mouth to respond but she didn't get the chance to do so as at that moment, footsteps sounded from behind them and a hand gripped his shoulder.

"You can't go yet, Taichi, because I just came." A deep masculine voice, both familiar and unfamiliar, said behind him, chuckling. "Man, I thought I'll never see you again."

He whirled around, recognizing that voice and that Fukui accent anywhere.

A tall man who wore eyeglasses stood behind him, grinning broadly. "Welcome back, Taichi. Finally."

Wataya Arata, grandson of the Eternal Master Wataya Hajime and who, currently, is the reigning Meijin, is back.

* * *

Taichi sighed to himself as he turned his coffee maker off and carefully poured the coffee into two large mugs he had placed on the counter of his kitchen. They were already back in his condo unit, and he had thought wryly to himself, _Well. Home Sweet Home._

At the living room, he could hear Arata's hearty laugh as he watched from the television that he had opened earlier just to keep the man entertained. Chihaya had _conveniently _chosen this time to go out and buy snacks for the three of them, and even when both of them practically volunteered to go out instead, she claimed that she had to pass by her dorm as well to get some of her books and of course, her beloved karuta cards.

"_I couldn't pass up this chance! Arata just came back, after all!" _She had exclaimed earlier, before grinning widely and laughing loudly. _"I'll go get my karuta cards. See you later!" _she had cackled gleefully, and was out of the place before either of them could even say 'karuta'.

"Sorry about that." Arata had apologized earlier at the look on his face. "You know how she is."

He had turned away from her earlier, not preferring to see how her eyes lit up at the possibility of playing karuta once again. It was not her fault, after all, that he had chosen to drop it years ago. There was no sense for him to go on the defensive just hearing and possibly _watching _the game again for the first time after three years.

_Honestly. That girl…_

He took out the table spoon he was using to stir the dark brown liquid from one of the mugs before setting it aside and gripping the mug handles carefully. He trudged cautiously to his living room, and Arata looked up at his direction once he entered, standing up and making his way over to him to get one of the mugs.

"Drink up." He muttered quietly, as if they were holding mugs of beer instead. Arata chuckled in response.

"Thanks, Taichi. You shouldn't have bothered." He said easily and confidently that Taichi felt something twist in his stomach. It was a sensation that he had always felt whenever Arata was there or whenever Chihaya would talk about him, an emotion he only knew too well.

Jealousy.

Now don't get him wrong. He hadn't hated Arata. Not once, even when he knew he had no chance to Chihaya because of this guy. Let us not forget that he had been the one who had introduced Chihaya to karuta and had gotten her addicted to the sport, who had single-handedly gotten for himself Chihaya's attention and won it without even batting an eyelash. Oh, and might he just add, who had beaten him three years ago in the Eastern qualifiers and had gained the privilege of challenging the Meijin, and thus, fulfilling his dream and finally succeeding Suo Hisashi as the current Meijin, -to this day.

No, he had never hated him. Heaven knew how he had tried, how he had forced himself to, because it was easier to stay away from Chihaya if he did. But he couldn't. No matter how hard he tried. Maybe it was because of the fact that their friendship had been built from scratch, an unlikely friendship that developed and started from bullying, -from his part. It was embarrassing, but it was true. The memory of how he had been such a rotten, spoiled rich kid before was something that he had tried so hard to leave behind him in the past.

It was a friendship that had been built from a game, a friendship that had started from the love and fascination of a hundred cards of a hundred poets who had written a hundred different poems expressing their feelings. To this day, neither of the three of them had been able to give it up.

Okay so maybe the three of them excepting _him_.

"It's no big deal." He responded finally, sitting down on one of his couches and carefully sipping his coffee. "I know how much caffeine-deprived you are. You'll be needing it for your match with the Queen later." He said nonchalantly, turning his eyes to the television to avoid the other man's probing gaze.

Yes, he had never hated him. But that didn't mean he hadn't viewed him as a rival, -in karuta and admittedly, -in love.

The thought made him snort inwardly. Rival? He hadn't even done anything in the past except hide from the woman he had loved with all his being. He hadn't made any risks when it came to her, but stayed with her instead, hoping that she would one day trip on her feet and bump her head somewhere and miraculously finally notice how he loved her even from the beginning. And maybe, if it hadn't been too much to ask for, finally acknowledge him as a man, and not as a best friend. Or best buddy.

_Yeah right. That's like her forgetting what karuta is all of a sudden._

"And just like everythin' you do, the coffee you made tastes absolutely good." Arata said, shaking his head in admiration. "Don't you have anythin' you're not good at?"

What the hell? They both knew the one thing he wasn't _really _good at. Taichi didn't know if Arata was being sarcastic or he was really just as innocent as Chihaya is.

He cleared his throat. "Well, thanks. Glad you liked it." He cast about for something to say." So… How's Osaka? Last time you told me you were selected as part of the few students who will be given training." He was trying to start a conversation, feeling obliged to at least start some small talk. He is practically the host, after all. "I hope you got yourself souvenirs. It's not everyday that you get to go there after all."

Arata snorted, a snort which was so unlike him and sounded so out of place for a quiet man like him. "I don't need souvenirs if you're there to tell me what Osaka is like, ya know."

"You cheapskate. You haven't bought souvenirs because you don't want to spend too much." He concluded, laughter in his voice, turning to grin at the dark-haired man. "Tsk3. Really? I bet you haven't even tried to explore the place more." he teased good-naturedly, wanting to disregard the tension that he knew was starting to make itself felt between the two of them.

"Well excuse _me _if I wasn't born a rich kid like ya." Arata responded in a teasing voice as well. "Ya know I haven't got that much money, and that I wouldn't be able to go there in the first place if it wasn't an all-expense-paid kind of travel internship."

Taichi looked away from him, his point hitting a little too close to home. Why was it that he felt bad every time him being a 'rich kid' were brought up? Was it his fault that he was born that way, even if he hadn't asked for it?

No. But he knew the real answer as to why. It was because even now, he couldn't forget what kind of a kid he had been before, a spoiled rich kid who had everything in his life but couldn't stand losing to a transfer student who was better than him in so many ways admittedly that he had to stoop so low as to stealing his glasses. No matter how hard he tried to get himself to move on from that childhood incident, it felt as if he had branded himself with it, forming the kind of person he is now.

Arata was looking at him cautiously. "I-I'm sorry, Taichi. I hadn't meant anythin' with what I said." He ventured carefully, not wanting to upset his friend even more.

His head snapped up, looking at Arata in surprise. "What? No. No, it's fine. I just remembered something." He scratched the back of his head as he looked uncomfortably embarrassed.

He watched Arata as the latter stared at the swirling surface of the liquid in his mug. "Sorry for comin' without notice all of a sudden. I had wanted to tell you that I was about to come home and visit you, but Chihaya had wanted to keep it a surprise. You know how she is."

"It's fine. I would expect no less from Chihaya." Taichi said cautiously as well. Somehow he felt as if the tension was really making itself felt now. He knew that Arata was aware of it as well, that unspoken thing that was manifesting itself as a barrier between them.

"How are you, Taichi?" Arata asked in low voice, looking at him straight in the eyes. He knew that this is the first time they would be talking about it again, the first time after three years since they had faced each other in a match. It was a subject that they had avoided talking about before, a subject that Taichi had been more than glad to keep to himself.

"I'm… great. Well, as far as I would like to think so, yes, I'm great." He responded nonchalantly again, lowering his gaze to his lap as he balanced the mug he held on his knee carefully so as not to burn himself.

"You know that's not really what I mean." His friend pointed out, swirling his mug slowly around, again watching the coffee swirl. "How are _you, _Taichi?" he repeated the question from earlier, this time in a deathly serious voice.

Taichi stared at him a few moments longer, meeting his probing gaze head on. There was no running from it, then. "I'm fine. In all honesty, I'm quite fine. Well, as fine as I can be with a deaf left ear." He said, trying hard not to sound serious and moody about it.

Arata was still looking at him seriously. "What did the doctor say?"

He took a deep breath, leaning back on the couch and dropping his head anyhow on the soft surface on the edge of the backrest. "Well, if I'm hoping to try setting my hearing right again I'll have to take a risk with that surgery. You know how it is. Seventy-thirty chance of the hearing being permanently lost." He said, his head still bent backwards on the edge of the backrest, unwilling to look at Arata, not wanting to see the expression his dark blue eyes held.

"And Chihaya is aware of this?"

"Ryuzaki-sensei had told her. I'm not sure if I should be glad though. I mean I've tried so hard to keep it from her to make sure she'll be unaffected." He sighed warily. "Honestly though, I realized I just fought a battle that was lost even from the start."

Arata cleared his throat self-consciously. "I've been tryin' to convince you to tell her about it, Taichi."

"Why on earth will I even want to do that in the first place?" He was starting to feel guilty again. "You know about Harada-sensei as well, Arata. Do you honestly think she could handle it with both of us?"

Arata was staring at him seriously once again. "I think it's about time for you to stop lookin' at her like that."

"Like what?"

"Like a fragile crystal that would break even in the slightest touch." Arata said matter-of-factly, making Taichi pale a little. "You've been with her the longest time, Taichi. I knew that you _knew _Chihaya is a strong woman. You know her better than anyone else does. Even better than I do." He admitted in a small voice, turning quiet for a short while. "Chihaya is different than any other girl out there. She's not someone who would leave you alone because she's too weak to stay by your side n' support you."

"I know that, Arata."

"Yes you do." Arata continued. "So now that it's out in the open, what are you goin' to do?"

That was one of the eternal questions wasn't it?

Taichi stared at him, at a lost of words.

He hadn't been planning to let Arata know. Heck, he wasn't planning on letting _anyone _know. But nothing seemed to have gone his way, even during his high school. _Nothing _had gone his way ever since he had met Chihaya, and even more so when Arata had come into their lives. Well, not that he blamed Arata for suddenly arriving, -if anything it had been an important eye-opener- but while it had been very useful for Taichi's maturity, he hadn't exactly found it enjoyable to doubt himself for the first time.

There had been a lot of firsts for him from the moment Arata had arrived, but as he had thought before, he hadn't really hated him for it even when he had wanted to do so. Arata had simply been one of the people who had been born with great talent for karuta, and that was not his fault. If anything, no one was to blame even when he knew that the current Meijin held Chihaya's heart in his hand.

Taichi knew that Arata was no idiot. That was why he wondered why he had even bothered trying to hide his condition from Arata of all people three years ago. Really, it was Arata who had _first _found out what had happened to him, the only other person observant and brave enough to find out what was truly happening to him. He had been alarmed at the news of his condition and had wanted to schedule a rematch, but Taichi had declined, and the committee members wouldn't allow him to schedule one.

And just like back in their childhood, Taichi had asked him to do the very same thing he had asked of him back in their elementary years.

_Please don't tell Chihaya about this…_

Arata knew it was a mistake hiding it from Chihaya. He had felt that it had been unfair of Taichi to have hidden it from her, but he understood where Taichi had been coming from. He didn't have the heart to tell Chihaya what had been going on with his wayward friend because he understood that he was doing it for _her _sake. He knew that Taichi had done it to protect her from the knowledge that would undoubtedly hurt her, especially once she realized that Taichi no longer had the chance to fulfill one of his goals.

Yes, he had thought of him as a coward and a proud man, that was true. He had always thought of him like that ever since he had committed the childish mistake of stealing his glasses years ago. But he had to admit, he knew how it hurt not being able to do once again the thing that he had once dreamed of. Of all the things he had to experience, it had to be this. It had to be hearing loss. Arata knew that Mashima Taichi is perhaps, the proudest man he ever knew, but looking at it from a karuta player's perspective, he knew how depressing it had been for him. To a karuta player, hearing is perhaps the most important weapon they had, next to game sense, most probably.

And to have hearing loss in such a young age… Arata could only imagine the depression and hurt Taichi had gone through.

"I'll have to take the surgery." Taichi said finally, once again sipping his coffee. "No choice. Ryuzaki-sensei had already done so much for me. It's quite embarrassing to keep on dilly-dallying with it."

Arata continued to watch his movements, this time, somehow amused. "We have Chihaya to thank, then."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Taichi asked, sounding nonchalant, but really, he was starting to feel uncomfortable. The tension was already there in his shoulders, rolling down his spine, and he knew that the conversation was taking a weird turn, in an area that he wasn't prepared to go in yet.

The dark-haired guy chuckled amusedly. "Oh come on, Taichi. Did you really think I hadn't seen it? You like Chihaya, yes?"

Taichi nearly spat out his coffee. He hadn't expected Arata to just blurt it out like that, with a calm, almost amused expression on his face. Well, he knew it was quite obvious, especially since practically the whole team knew about it _except _her, but to hear it from Arata, to hear it from his mouth, he couldn't help but feel defensive.

The big, freaking elephant that practically sat between the two of them suddenly got even bigger. Arata was aware of it, of that undefined something that existed between the two of them, the two men in Chihaya's life. And now is the first time either of them had broached the subject.

Well, _one _of them broached the subject.

Taichi sighed out loud, and looked at him pointedly, before saying something in response. "Really, Arata? Do I have to spell it out loud? What does it matter anyway?" He asked, trying hard not to sound as if he cared about the consequences of finally admitting his feelings to his friend, and at the same time, -rival. "You like her as well, don't you?"

Arata finally had the decency to go red in the cheeks. "Well, yes. Though it was more of love already, don't you think?"

He nearly dropped his mug of coffee. Man, the perks of being childhood friends. So it was 'all bare, no secrets' between the two of them now, huh? What is this, a man-to-man talk?

"You came back to Tokyo for her didn't you?" He asked cautiously, sounding close to accusing. Arata shrugged.

"Yes, one among many other reasons." Arata admitted, noting how Taichi's face drained off it's usual color. "Taichi… heaven knew how much I wanted to be with her. I'm sure you know about this already."

Oh, he knew alright. He knew very well. He was an intelligent man, after all. He had always known that Arata had feelings for Chihaya, just as much as he did for her.

"Yes I do. Of course." Taichi responded, his voice and throat dry. "So what's stopping you from asking her out?"

He is _such_ a masochist. Why the hell did he sound pissed off anyway? Why is it that he sounded as if he was even encouraging him, his rival (supposedly), in the first place?

Arata stared at him, as if trying to say something else with the look he was giving him.

"It's been three years, Arata." Taichi continued, sounding incredibly exasperated, knowing full well the meaning of the look Arata was giving him. "What, you still haven't told her this yet? I was surprised you've let this go on for so long without even telling her anything. I would have thought that you've already asked her to move up a level with you." His amber eyes pinned the other man with an intense gaze, looking at him directly for what seemed to be the only time that they had brought this up. Fine, all things bare, no secrets, then let it all out. "It's not like you need my permission or anything, don't you?"

"I already have, Taichi."

His eyes widened, and all the breath whooshed out of his lungs. He stared at Arata as if he had suddenly grown two heads.

_He… had already told her…_

Why did it feel as if a bomb just exploded right in front of his face?

"I told her about it around three months ago, before I left for the travel internship." Arata continued, not noticing how Taichi was close to hyperventilating. "It had been all out of the blue, ya know?"

He rubbed his temples, trying to get himself to calm down. He swallowed, unwilling to suddenly back down even when his legs felt as if they wanted to carry him somewhere far, far away. Even though he was actually sitting, his legs felt as if they had been turned to jello. "And I need to know this why?" He couldn't help but ask snappishly, not looking at Arata directly.

Arata was giving him an amused look. "Why are you reactin' like that? You seemed so concerned about protectin' yourself from something. I thought you'd like to hear what had happened."

Was he being sadistic? Taichi didn't need to know of Chihaya's ecstatic 'yes', of her accepting his confession. Dammit, his heart was already beaten black and blue all over. Didn't Arata have enough mercy left in him to keep the happy part of him and Chihaya to himself? Where had the good boy gone to, all of a sudden?

"Okay, you and Chihaya were a couple already. Really, Arata? Did I have to guess what had happened next? Of course she accepted your feelings." He couldn't help but sound sarcastic as well, but inside he was reeling from the information that Arata had just shoved into his head.

His heart was throbbing painfully now.

Arata raised an eyebrow. "… No."

Taichi stared at him, willing himself to understand what Arata was saying all of a sudden. It felt as if he had gone deaf on _both _ears now, as idiotic as it may sound.

"… What?" He ventured in a confused manner.

"I just said no."

"Care to explain that? You're losing me already with your monosyllabic responses."

Arata sighed deeply as if he had been asked to work overtime on a holiday. "No, Chihaya didn't accept my confession."

Taichi only stared at him confusedly. "…Why?"

"What do you mean, 'why'?" Arata returned the question confusedly as well.

Taichi resisted the urge to slam his head on the nearest wall. He wondered whether he hadn't been talking to Chihaya's male version himself. Really, sometimes it felt that they suited each other more, no matter how painful it was for his part, because the way they think was somehow so alike in some ways that sometimes it scares him already. Two somehow-airheaded friends he didn't need.

"Why didn't she accept your feelings, Arata? There _has _to be some reason behind it." He asked exasperatedly, unwilling to let himself hope. "Did she even turn you down?"

Understanding dawned in Arata's eyes. _Oh, hallelujah. _Taichi thought sarcastically to himself.

"Well, she hadn't exactly turned me down. She just hadn't given me an answer yet." Arata said, fiddling with the handle of his coffee mug, suddenly unable to look at Taichi straight. As amusing as it is, Taichi felt that Arata was embarrassed because of what had happened.

Was he even hearing it right? Chihaya hadn't given him an answer yet?

But why?

_She's in love with him… right?_

"… And why did she not give you an answer yet?" He asked, once he was sure that he was prepared to receive Arata's response. He didn't want to hope. No, he can't, actually, even more so now that Arata had finally made his move, and he is about to go and take a surgery that may change his life forever.

Hope, after all, is both a beautiful and dangerous thing. It may leave you over the moon once it gave you what you wanted, and completely and utterly destroyed once it didn't fulfill your desire. He knew so, because he had experienced it first hand already.

And he wasn't keen on experiencing it again. Because he was fairly sure that he didn't know how he will survive the disappointment this time.

Arata was giving him a cautious look. "She told me that she had to make sure of what she is feeling first. And really, I can't be selfish enough to ask outright what her response is. I told her that I'm not rushin' her, and that I can wait."

He stared at him, hating himself for feeling concerned for his… _friend_, even when both of them knew that he was head-over-heels for that karuta baka as well. He guessed that there was something to be said at both of you being men and being able to relate to _and _understand what the other was feeling.

"And… you're alright with waiting?" Taichi finally drained the coffee he was holding in one large gulp, carefully placing it down on the coffee table and looking at the dark-haired man who sat opposite him with slightly narrowed eyes, waiting for his response cautiously as well. Somehow, it felt as if they were walking on a mine field –this being the first time of them talking about their feelings so openly for the one girl they had both fallen for badly years ago and waiting for the realizations to blow up in their faces.

Arata shrugged. "I have always been prepared to wait, Taichi. I trust that you know that already." Then he leaned back on the couch, now looking at him seriously. "So how about you?"

This time he narrowed his eyes at him in sudden suspicion. "What do you mean 'so how about you'?" He inquired in a clipped tone, knowing full well what Arata was getting to.

"You know what I'm talkin' about, Taichi. You're the smartest man I know."

He stared at him for a minute longer, trying to make sure whether Arata was making a bad joke or not.

"Okay. What's the punch line?" He tried to joke instead evasively. Why is Arata asking him _this_, all of a sudden anyway?

Arata smirked, but he was looking at him warily. "I'm not kiddin', Taichi. I'm askin' you what's your plan for Chihaya now."

"Nothing." He responded in an icy tone.

"You mean you're not goin' to do _anythin'?_" Arata asked in both surprise and confusion.

He blew out a breath warily. "_Yes. _Why is that such a surprise, Arata?" He averted his gaze from those probing, dark-blue eyes of his. "Do you really think it's worth telling her about it and messing up her mind even more? I'm not cruel enough to even think of doing it- not when you just told how you felt for her. And you know how she is already."

"She _deserves _to know."

"The only thing that she needed to know right now is my situation. Nothing more, nothing less. I agreed with you guys telling me that it was a mistake hiding what's happening to me years ago, and now that she finally knew that's enough for me already." He shot back, now meeting Arata's stern gaze. "I'm not planning on telling her about this, Arata."

"That was bein' incredibly selfish of you." Arata said, sounding quite… annoyed. Irritated. Something that Taichi couldn't imagine coming from him. He couldn't understand why Arata, of _all _people, was actually _pushing _him to do something regarding his feelings for Chihaya.

"Selfish? I was doing it for you. Shouldn't you be happy at all? You practically have her all to yourself now. I'm giving her to you." He tried to sound unaffected, but he could feel something twisting his heart in pain. Yes, he felt as if he was stabbing himself repeatedly through the chest.

Arata snorted, this time a snort like he couldn't believe Taichi was doing this. "No, you're not doin' it for my sake. You're just _hidin', _like what you did three years ago to her." He looked at Taichi in polite disbelief. "And I couldn't believe I was thinkin' of you as my rival."

A nerve twitched in Taichi's temple. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Rivals, Taichi. Remember?" Arata pointed out, wanting to knock some sense into that supposedly brilliant head of his. "We've known it all along. From the moment you had acted as that cool kid that everybody wanted to be friends with because you were scared of losin' _her_, to the time we first had our match, until that moment when we met in the Eastern qualifiers, I'm sure you've known that we had always been rivals. You know as well as _I_ do that that just doesn't apply to karuta."

Taichi narrowed his amber eyes to him. The conversation was taking a turn in an emotional area he didn't want to go near. "Are you saying you wanted me to do something regarding her?"

"What else? As I've told you already, Chihaya deserves to know." Arata was looking at him with an unmistakable challenge in his eyes. "You and me, Taichi, it's always been you and me who had stayed close to Chihaya. From our childhood until now, I know how she wished that we will always be together. Of course, it _will _always be us, together, because we won't be able to just stay away from her that easily. But I know that you _know _that that wasn't really going to be the case. Eventually, she'll have to pick one over the other. She'll _have _to belong to someone."

"She won't belong to the either of us, Arata." He retorted pointedly. "You know where she belongs." He was glaring at him, knowing he would understand what he was talking about.

"Let me rephrase it then. She'll have to choose someone to belong to _her._" Arata continued, unfazed. "That's the truth of it. I've already told her my feelings, and I know how you felt for her. It's time to think of this as the adults that we are now. And I don't want to win automatically by a unanimous decision because you forfeited even before the match had started. That was an insult to someone who had given their all, ya know?"

That was probably the longest speech he had heard Arata make. Ironically, though, it had to be about their feelings for the crazy woman they both loved with all their being.

He was telling him to fight for her. Of all the people who had to convince him to let Chihaya know of his feelings, it was Arata, who he knew he had little chance of winning against. He didn't want to bother making Chihaya aware, because he knew, even back during their high school days, of how she felt for him, even when she hadn't been aware of it herself. It didn't take a lot of brain cells to figure out how she felt for him, after all.

At least, to people like him.

But he also knew that Arata was right. He had wondered, and so often had he did, what he would feel if he and Arata exchanged places. If Arata was the one who had stayed with her back in high school… would Chihaya look for him? Would she be driven as well to bring him back into her little karuta world, to open his eyes to the truth that neither between the three of them could truly give up karuta?

Would she miss him?

He knew the answer to that already. The way she had embraced him from earlier… how she had wrapped him so tightly in her arms… it was unfair of him, thinking of her that way. He knew that she had missed him, yes. But there is the truth that she had missed him as a friend does for her best friend as well.

He couldn't dare to hope. He didn't know how he was going to survive the disappointment that was sure to come in doses.

And he didn't know what made him take the risk, anyway. Perhaps he really had damaged a lot of his brain cells. After all, this was Arata they were talking about, _the _Wataya Arata, current karuta Meijin who he knew there was very little chance he can equal to and even stand up against. He had already known that years ago.

"May the best man win." Arata said, seeing how his facial expression changed.

What the hell.

Taichi raised his eyes to him, amber meeting sapphire head-on.

"I hope you don't regret challenging me, Arata." He responded, smirking with more than a touch of wariness. He extended out a hand, and Arata, shook it, their expressions turning all business the moment their hands met in a handshake.

Oh what the hell…

He knew he was going to be in for a long haul. He _knew _he was going to be in for a heart ache. But there was no turning back now. The choice had been made, and he will have to fight, -and fight _hard_,- for her.

"May the best man win."

* * *

Aww. Don't we just love that. Taichi is prepared to finally man up and face Chihaya and his feelings for her directly! I'm quite glad for him. Sometimes, all he needed is a push from the one person he isn't expecting to do so–Arata. I'm sure we all felt the same way before regarding this duo, -that what Taichi needed, all this time, is an encouragement (or challenge, maybe) from his rival himself. Someone had to teach him to be a little more aggressive regarding his feelings for her, and who better do that than Arata himself?

I hope you people found this chapter fun to read. It was lighter now, (or so I like to believe,) and I do hope it will be the same for the next chapters. I'm planning to post ten chapters for now, if nothing will make me extend this story. I am excited to find out what I will write next.

Well then, I'll be off writing the next one. Thanks for reading guys! And please, if it isn't too much to ask, let me know what you think! See you in the next one, my lovely readers!


	7. Chapter 7

Hello, folks. I have duly returned with this chapter.

Again, I would like to thank those people who left reviews. Someone, (a guest,) and of course, LauraNeat0. I truly appreciate the feedback I received from you, thank you very much.

Some of you may have found the fifth chapter a tad too depressing for your tastes, and somewhere along the way I also realized it may have been out of character for Chihaya to react like that as to Taichi's condition, and even more so for them to practically not be able to do _anything_ regarding their friend's condition. I guess I have projected too much from leaving Chihaya helpless regarding his decision to hide it from her years ago, and I also _may _have projected too much from Taichi's image of never leaving himself vulnerable to other people because he was too busy building an impenetrable wall in front of himself, never showing his weakness. I was thinking, if I had a best friend like him, who deserved so much more in life, who was the leader that everyone look up to, leaving the impression that he could just about do _anything_, and I suddenly find out that he had something like that, that would depress me as well. I mean, he practically left it just like that, and he wasn't doing anything about it, and he chose to shoulder it alone. That would leave everyone at the mercy of his decision, and even leave them hanging in the air waiting for his next move.

And that was why he needed Chihaya to practically be his rock, his pillar of strength, to be his comfort that he didn't need to face everything alone this time and leave it as it is, the idiot that he was.

Ugh, but yes, the development may have been too stagnant. Or slow for that chapter. Guess I really needed more experience. ~sigh~

Ooookay. That was probably the longest author's note I made. I don't want to keep on making you listen to my rant. Haha. On to the chapter then!

* * *

**VII**

For the next days Taichi had become more visible in school, doing his best to advance some of his subjects before he begins his stay in the hospital. He was found in the library more often, usually flipping through pages of several, thick books. Ryuzaki-sensei had given strict orders of him not overworking himself, especially since he would be having surgery, and he knew he had to listen if he didn't want to push himself far over the edge.

Of course, him being found in the library caused more headache than the librarian could handle, what with all the admirers who could do nothing better with their time than just following him. So if not the library, he would escape to the rooftop instead.

And lately, he had been hanging out in the rooftop more often than he wanted to.

He had preferred to stay away from Chihaya for a few days, especially since he was still adjusting to the fact that she really, _finally, _is back in his life. It was hard to imagine that they would be together again, what with all his effort of hiding from her for several years, but there they were -together again. Just like old times.

He tried to distract himself from the thought that it was not just her who was back in his life, but also… well, Arata himself. Ever since they had 'that' talk, it was as if they had both let loose a chain of events from which there was already no turning back.

Now that he had a chance to think about it more thoroughly, however, he wondered if it hadn't been actually a spur-of-the-moment decision for him, since he had decided to give up on her years ago and he had agonized over that decision for days and weeks.

Damn, now that he really had a chance to analyze it, his decision to accept Arata's challenge may have been his pride talking. How was it that he had been able to accept it anyway _without _having to think about it a million times over? He had always been known as a look-before-you-leap type of person.

So what the hell changed?

Or maybe nothing had changed. Perhaps it was because he understood where Arata was coming from as well. As men, it was understandable for their part to have this so-called 'ego', which at times was more trouble than it was worth. Though he knew that both of them would never think of Chihaya as a contest, there was no denying that they _are _fighting for her.

Ironically though, neither between the two of them had _dared _to come close to her, since neither between them had even tried making what could be nothing short of advances for the past few days. As if having one thought, they both actually gave Chihaya some space. That was the funny part, since they had just practically accepted the fact that they were rivals, not just in karuta, but also for Chihaya.

He knew all of this because he had gotten the surprise of his life when he found her sitting without a care in the world in front of his unit's door, of all places, absent-mindedly doodling on a tile, her head bowed and her lips pushed out to a pout.

He nearly dropped all his books at the sight of her. "Chihaya!" he exclaimed, nearly having a heart attack when he found her there.

She lifted her head up, (having not noticed him coming at _all_,) and a million-megawatt smile bloomed on her face, her lips stretching out to a bright smile. "Okaeri, Taichi!"

_Can't she ever act like a normal human at all? _He asked despairingly to himself. "What are you doing, sitting there? Didn't Aunt Chieko ever tell you not to sit on the dirt?" He scolded, trying to ignore how his heart nearly leaped out of his chest at the smile that she had just bestowed him with.

She pouted cutely."Dirt? Doesn't even look like you have dirt here, you know." At the expression on his face, she sighed and relented. "I couldn't sit at the lobby. The guard's giving me a scary look."

"That's because you look scary." He said matter-of-factly. She glared at him. "It's a wonder you haven't been approached by security with you sitting outside my unit all this time." He got out his key card and swiped it at the card slot, as she moved aside to make way for him, the door clicking open easily once it recognized the access.

Chihaya rolled her eyes. "I do not look scary."

"Yes you do." He said exasperatedly. "What are you doing here anyway?" He asked, sounding being close to rude but still not quite.

"Arata's not contacting me for days now," she began, which made him sweat drop and feel as if she had just struck him with a knife, "And you're not mailing me as well. I was waiting for you to at least call me for days. I'm… thinking that you're avoiding me again…" she trailed off, suddenly reddening, her voice turning sad, making his heart twist in guilt. Then she looked up at him, shaking herself out of her stupor. "Anyway, 'kaachan made this for you. She told me to bring it to you today, you know." She responded, and it was only then that he noticed the box she was carrying in one hand. He stared at it, then to her.

So she had told her family that he was back. Hmm. Now that he had thought about it, he still hadn't made the effort to find out how they were doing. One of these days, he had to pay them a visit.

"You could have at least mailed me or given me some sort of warning that you're coming, Chihaya. You could have avoided sitting outside waiting all this time, you know." He said frustratedly, raising a hand and flicking her on the forehead, earning a squeal of defiance from her.

"If I had your number I would have done that already, Taichi. But you changed it when you disappeared three years ago, remember?" Chihaya reasoned out, and her eyes widened when she realized her slip.

He was staring at her, his eyes looking wary beyond the rimless glasses he was still wearing.

"S-Sorry!" She exclaimed, her expression changing into fear. "I-I didn't mean anything with what I just said, I swear! It's just that I haven't gotten your number yet and I-"

He cut her off by flicking her forehead again that she swatted his hand away, clutching her forehead and glaring at him. She hadn't changed at all. She was still the bumbling tomboy who speaks the first thing that came to her head, regardless of the consequences. He shook his head mentally.

It was so familiar that he couldn't help but sigh and just smile at her. "It's okay. I'll just give you my number later. For now, you have to come in. You're freezing already from sitting outside all this time, you idiot."

He allowed her to step inside first, and before he could react she got half of the books he was carrying from his arms. "Let me help you with that. You shouldn't be carrying these at all, you know."

"It's fine." Taichi felt something flutter in his stomach as she gave him another bright smile.

"Oh let's just go in. You'll be able to finally taste the carrot cake 'kaachan had made for you!"

And just like that, she had disappeared into the kitchen of _his _unit. He followed at a more leisurely pace, carefully removing his shoes and socks, all the while trying to ignore the fact that she was in his condo, and it was _just _the two of them.

_Where is Arata when I needed him?_

Not that he didn't want to be with her… but him being a man (who hadn't seen her for several _freaking _years) and her being a female and practically the girl he was head over heels for… well…

_Goddammit. This is not the time to be thinking of that, you moron!_

"Taichi, come here quick! You should place it in the fridge you know!"

He sighed as he dropped his books on one of the couches anyhow. "Have you even had dinner already? That's for dessert, you know."

"But I'm so excited to eat it now!" She called back, and he raised an eyebrow as he entered the kitchen finally.

"And I thought that is _supposed _to be for me?" he asked matter-of-factly, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned on the door frame and fixing her with a penetrating amber gaze (or maybe it was a smoldering look?) -unknowingly making himself look every bit the tall and handsome man every girl would be prepared to swoon for.

Chihaya had raised her eyes to him to answer, but all thoughts disappeared from her head as she suddenly found herself tongue-tied as she met his gaze. She didn't know what made her go all _tongue-tied_, but she suddenly felt as if the room had gotten hot, even as they continued to stare at one another, practically doing nothing at all.

_Why had the kitchen gotten warm, all of a sudden?_

She was so absorbed in his gaze that she almost missed the fact that he had already stepped forward, but she couldn't look away from him, as if something had magnetized her gaze and kept it locked with his. He approached her slowly with light footsteps, as if he was following a silent beat, and she had to wonder why her heart beat _in time _to his steps.

He had already stopped in front of her, but still, their gazes were locked, both unable to look away. She could feel her heart starting to pound as he slowly, ever so slowly, leaned forward, and she hardly ever noticed how his arm raised to wrap around her, since she had turned to fully face him earlier, the counter behind her to answer him supposedly. She could feel his breath on her nose as the distance between them decreased little by little that she could practically count his long, thick set of eyelashes.

Why hadn't she _ever_ noticed how good-looking he is?

She really had this problem of not noticing other people aside from herself, huh? Chihaya didn't know what to do –her thoughts were practically scattered in the wind, feeling her heart drumming in her chest already as she watched her wayward idiot for a best friend come ever so closer, their noses nearly touching.

And then, just as there was only an inch left, he stopped, still holding her gaze, unknowingly making her heart stutter in rhythm and her stomach flutter as if there were butterflies in it. She could feel her insides twisting as she could do nothing but swallow as her gaze unconsciously followed the curve of his nose bridge, before descending fully to those lips that looked as if it had been sculpted by an artist, so full and soft-looking they were.

She hadn't felt this before, -not once, not even when Arata had confessed to her. Yes, there is the unexplainable giddiness, but if she were to admit it to herself, this _is _the first time she had this kind of feeling, the first time she felt as if her heart wanted to beat itself out of her chest, the first time she felt as if her insides were tying and untying in a knot. In the back of her mind, she knew she had read something like this before, -in a romance novel if she had recalled correctly,- but she knew that she had never understood, because she had never felt it.

But now…

_W-What… is this?_

"Chihaya."

She blinked twice as Taichi's forehead creased, his face still inches from hers.

"Huh?"

He sighed all of a sudden. "Are you even going to move aside? We have to put the cake in the fridge, -and I'm taller than you."

She blanched. "What?"_Really, Taichi?_

Chihaya felt his arm move behind her and ever so carefully removed the box from the counter, lifting it above her head so as not to hit her. "No sharing." He teased lightheartedly, as he straightened up and away from her which immediately distracted her from the thoughts that were currently swirling in her head.

"What? Oh come on, Taichi! Share it with me! _Pleeeease!_" She pleaded, turning to look at him with those wide, puppy eyes that she knew he could _never _resist. Dammit. Chihaya had always known that he was weak when it came to that look, and he was actually surprised that she even remembered. "Pleeeeease, Taichi? Pretty please?" She had clutched onto his arm that his skin tingled the moment her skin came into contact with his, and he suddenly felt as if someone had splashed cold water over him.

"Alright, already! We'll be having it for dessert. Satisfied?" He asked, sounding more stern than he intended to all of a sudden as he swung his arm from her grip. Chihaya pouted and opened her mouth to probably complain but he cut her off. "No buts. Now be a good girl and go watch tv in the living room or something. I still have to cook dinner." In his mind, he was already running a mental list of the ingredients he will need and whether he had enough stock for two people left for a decent dinner. He glanced at her again. "You haven't had dinner yet, right?"

Her lips were still pushed out to a pout and her gaze was lowered to the floor, but she nodded. He started to wonder why she was still looking like that when he suddenly remembered that he may have sounded harsher than he actually intended from earlier. Mentally berating himself, he sighed and tried to soften his voice. "Do you want anything?" He asked, and her head snapped up, as if unable to believe that he was asking her.

"Me?" She returned the question back confusedly.

"No, the invisible person beside you. Of course you. I don't see anyone else here, you know, unless you can." Her eyes narrowed at him that he chuckled, unable to resist doing so with the expression on her face. He raised a hand and ruffled her hair again that she swatted his hand away. "I was just kidding. But you may want something. I'm running out of ideas already. Any suggestions? Something simple though, because I'm not sure if I have enough ingredients left."

He watched her sink in deep thought, and he couldn't help but be amazed. When it came to food, she thought about it so seriously that he knew she was really analyzing what she wanted. If only she does the same with emotions _and _people…

_Whoa, boy. You're expecting too much from her when you can't even do anything _yourself. _How about trying to tell her how you feel, for once?_

That was close. What happened earlier had been _too _close.

He himself honestly didn't know what had suddenly transpired between the two of them. One minute he was teasing, and the next… it felt as if someone else had taken over his body, and he was watching from the outside as he slowly approached her, like a hunter stalking his prey.

Oh wow. A hunter stalking his prey? What a metaphor to compare themselves with.

But seriously, he felt as if all the muscles in his body had stiffened and started burning, as if his skin had temporarily become a conductor of heat. He had recognized the feeling immediately, (thank goodness for _that_,) despite of the fact that it had been years when he had last felt it, and he had managed to stop himself in time. Otherwise, he didn't know how he would be able to deal with her running away from him.

It was desire. And not just any desire. It was a desire that a man felt for a woman, the desire to keep her in his arms and kiss her senseless until she could do nothing but call his name.

He shook his head mentally. This is why he didn't prefer to be alone with her. He could never trust his thoughts when he was around her. In the privacy of his home, of his _mind_, where she wouldn't see him, his expressions, he had allowed his thoughts to wander and to stray. But never when he was with her.

"I think…" she began, trailing off, sounding unsure, "I'd like some soba."

He nearly face-faulted in an anime-like crash on the floor. "Just soba?"

"You don't want soba?" She asked hesitantly. " I just… you know, thought something easier for you to do since you're not exactly allowed to tire yourself out… and it's nearing winter, so…"

His eyes softened upon hearing her explanation. _This baka_. "I was actually expecting something more complicated from you. I mean we're about to eat the cake and it doesn't exactly match with it…" he trailed off when he saw the flash of disappointment in her eyes even when she tried to hide it. "But if you really like that, then soba it is." He had no choice but to agree. He didn't want to see that look on her face, he didn't want to disappoint her. Even if it's just about soba.

Wow. The things a man in love can do. _Dammit._

"Really?" Her auburn eyes lit up, like a sunrise in dawn. "Soba? Yay! Thanks, Taichi!"

He snorted as he turned to the fridge and opened it, placing the cake inside. "It's just soba, Chihaya. No need to be so grateful for-"

Taichi stiffened when she felt her wrap her arms around his waist from behind, and she tiptoed past his shoulder to give him a kiss on the cheek. All at once his body reacted to the touch of her lips as she gave him another of her bright smiles. "You're still cooking it for me, Taichi. I can't wait for dinner!" She sing-songed, unknowingly making his skin tingle and his body tremble.

Good Lord, how was he supposed to control himself if the girl he was in love with didn't have any idea about personal space and was too innocent to even be aware about something like _that_?

_Mind over matter, Mashima! Mind over matter. You can do it. You _have _to._

It was at times like this that he cursed himself for being a man and a chicken at the same time. Imagine, if he had enough courage to tell her how he felt, he wouldn't have to suffer and control himself from just even touching her every time she was around.

And that is if she even felt the same way towards him.

He sucked in a deep breath to calm his racing heart. Just as he was about to complain with her hugging him so carelessly, she had already stepped back and he turned to face her, his eyes suddenly widening as he saw how red her cheeks were.

_She's… blushing?_

She fidgeted with her fingers as she tried to obviously control the reddening of her cheeks. His heart fluttered at the endearing sight as she shyly looked up at him. "I-I… er… I'll wait in the living room. P-Please make it delicious!" She exclaimed in a kid-like hope before turning in her heels and disappearing into the living room before he had a chance to respond.

_What the heck was that all about?_

She was blushing? Because of him? Was that even real?

Taichi knew there is only one person she had blushed and stuttered for –Arata. Whenever Arata called, or when she faced him, she could never look at him straight in the eyes. She practically tripped over her feet whenever she got a call from him, or stutter nervously when they were talking to each other.

But there she was, cheeks aflame, eyes shy and hesitant as she looked at him earlier. And as much as he wanted to hope, Taichi knew it was much too early to assume _and _conclude that she felt the same way for him.

After all, a lot of people had died because of assumption.

He wondered when he will ever be able to gather enough courage to tell her how he felt. Now that he thought about it, him being alone with her was the perfect opportunity to tell her how he felt. How many times will he be able to have this kind of moment, that he will be allowed to have her to himself all alone and make her listen to him _without _Arata or any of their friends around?

_What, now? As in… now!?_

No… he… he couldn't do that yet.

Taichi shook his head hard as he rolled up one of his sleeves and turned to face the stove. He wouldn't focus on it now. As Ryuzaki-sensei had said, there is a time for everything, and he didn't want to rush it.

Rush? He is practically in love with her his whole life. He had been dilly-dallying all throughout high school, going back and forth deciding whether he should tell her or not. When will be the _right_ time?

_Focus Taichi. Focus. _He practically growled to himself. If he went on and on thinking about it, he wouldn't be able to cook, the one thing that he had always considered himself to never had failed at, -well, aside from studies, because he had always been too aware of his failure with relationships.

He sighed. Time to get to cooking.

* * *

An hour later, Chihaya was happily finishing her soba, slurping at the noodles and finally putting her cup down, crossing her hands and placing her chopsticks on top of it, exclaiming "Gochisousama!"

"Was it good?" He inquired, wiping his mouth with a napkin as she wiped hers anyhow without a care in the world. He watched carefully, noting how she was still the same tomboy who had never cared about her eating manners as she stretched out, leaning into the couch behind her, having decided to eat in his living room instead and use his coffee table as their temporary table.

The sight was endearing, even to him.

"Of course!" She responded happily, patting her stomach. "I mean, you've always had incredible talent for cooking. And besides…" she trailed off, her voice turning wistful all of a sudden, "this is the first time we ate together again, you know." She continued, her fingers tucking in a stray hair behind her ear, looking up to him with a wistful expression on her face.

He stared at her back. What she had said was true. After years of not seeing each other, there they were, eating together once again, sharing food and stories like they had done countless times before. He had to admit, he had missed this, eating across her and scolding her for her lack of manners every once in a while, the sound of her laugh at all the jokes he had told her, the way she would exclaim at how good a cook he is with each food she had tasted that he had decided to pack into his bento when he would come to school.

Taichi shook himself from the memories, turning instead to grin at her. "Well, thanks. But do you even have any space left there?" He gestured at her flat stomach teasingly. "We still have that cake, remember?"

Chihaya stared at him defiantly, straightening up her posture. "Why, of course! Do you honestly think I'm going to pass up this chance of tasting that cake 'kaachan made for you? Let's bring it on!" She exclaimed, laughing so giddily that he couldn't help but join in.

"Alright then."

He had brought out the cake and was preparing to slice it when Chihaya pointed out that they could use one plate for the slices, not wanting to add more to the pile of dishes that was waiting on the sink. He had flushed violently (which had gone unnoticed by Chihaya, thank god,) and had disagreed, telling her it was fine and that he could handle it, but she insisted that she didn't mind, and that he should be doing less work since today is practically his last day in school.

"Don't be such a stick in the mud! Come on, let's conserve the dishes needed to be washed. Just place it there like that… okay, that's fine!"

He sighed, as she practically whisked him back to the living room, suggesting a movie to watch as they ate the cake together. He tossed her his pack of dvds and couldn't help but shake his head at the utter amazement she expressed as he tossed her another one, and another one, and… _another _one.

"Wow! You have so many good movies! Uwah~~ Street Fighter in _original_! I've always wanted to buy this!" She went all starry-eyed as he prepped the stereo and dvd player he had, while waiting for her to choose the movie she wanted.

"What's stopping you from buying one?" he asked matter-of-factly as she turned to glare at him.

"Well, excuse me if I'm not as rich as you, _bocchama_." She stuck out her tongue at him. "It's much too pricey you know. As always all I can afford is the imitation. Poor me." She sighed, shaking her head, then she brightened up as if hit by a good thought all of a sudden. "Can I borrow it instead?" She asked hopefully, turning to look at him with that wide, puppy eyes.

Taichi blew out a deep breath and looked away from her, flushing again. "Forget it."

Her face fell.

He saw that, and as always, gave in. "You can have it, instead."

Chihaya's answering giggle had been more than enough to express her happiness. "Reaaaally? Really, Taichi? Yay!" she practically bounced in her seat as she laughed giddily. Then she stood up and rushed over to him, tackling him in a bear hug that he yelped as he lost his balance when she had thrown her arms around him. "Thank you, Taichi! Thank youuu!"

Taichi coughed as he couldn't help but laugh at her reaction. He had always known Chihaya to be a very enthusiastic girl, always getting excited even in the simplest, smallest things, so her reaction was something that he had expected. "Okay, okay… I get… the idea. Can't… breathe…" He coughed as she suddenly buried her face on his shoulder, and seconds later, he was startled to feel her shaking as he felt his shoulder getting wet. "Chihaya? What's wrong? Why are you suddenly crying? Did you accidentally hurt yourself?" He asked worriedly, his hands fluttering over her head in sudden worry as she sniffed heavily, her hands suddenly gripping his shirt's collar tightly as if her life depended on it.

"N-No." She assured him, her voice muffled through his shoulder as she started hiccupping once again. "Y-You just made me really h-happy."

"Chihaya-"

"And scared."

He stopped, his hand an inch from her shoulder, as he was about to push her off gently to be able to look at her more directly. "Why?" He asked softly, allowing her continue wrapping her arms around him as they both settled in that position practically on the floor.

"B-Because you'll be going to the hospital tomorrow already." She reasoned out, still sniffing. "A-And Ryuzaki-sensei will be performing t-the surgery procedure on you."

"And?" He prodded on, his hand settling on her hair instead to caress it softly as he tried to comfort her.

"And… you might… you might…" she trailed off, not seeming able to continue the sentence.

She didn't need to continue, because he already knew what she was about to say. He knew what she was worried about, and he would be lying if he said that he isn't feeling nervous at all for the next day. He was actually worried, -what if he really, _totally _lost his hearing?

Would he still be the same?

"Let me share a secret with you, Chihaya."

She lifted her head to look at him straight in the eyes.

"Actually… I'm scared too." He admitted, his voice turning low and quiet. Hesitant. Chihaya's heart twisted at the sound of his voice, so gentle and forlorn at the same time that she felt that she should at least do something for him. "I mean… it's scary. You know how it is. Even though I've decided to take it, I don't know what will happen…"

Chihaya stared at him as he adjusted her position so that she was practically sitting on his lap, her arms still around him as he looked down, not meeting her eyes. For him to admit that he was also scared… it was something that she found new. Mashima Taichi had never admitted being scared, or even nervous about something before. It was one of the reasons why their team, even though practically newbies, had survived. It was because of the fact that he had always stayed focused for them, because it was undeniable that everyone had to look up to someone in a team, -to someone who will filter their goals and encourage them to fight to the last. As he had been chosen to lead them, she had always known the pressure that had been placed on his shoulders, the expectations of people and outsiders that he will be a good leader, -that he should be the one prepared to fight for victory first while watching the backs of his members and pushing them to do their best _while _also concentrating on his own goal.

She had wondered then and until now, what would have happened had she been their president. Would she be as good a leader as him? Would she be able to lead them well, to stay as focused as he was for the team while also fighting for her own goal? To even place the others' goals first before her own?

She realized that it would have been terribly difficult for her. She remembered how she had panicked like a headless chicken before when she had been preparing for the challenger match with Shinobu _while _studying for her entrance exams. Just juggling those activities had been a nightmare for weeks. She didn't have the multitasking talent that Taichi had, come to think of it, and the ability to make tough decisions that may be agreed or disagreed upon by the whole team. She remembered the time that Taichi had to pull Sumire-chan out of the starting line up for the Tokyo regionals to replace her with Tsukuba despite of it being already agreed upon by the team. He had pointed out that Sumire-chan, who just had an argument with her mother then, was not exactly in the correct frame of mind for a match. Unsurprisingly, Sumire-chan felt offended, and that was the first time she had seen Sumire-chan argue and talk back to Taichi, which had resulted to him practically ordering her to cool down first by taking notes of their opponents advantages and making her ignore him for two whole days before deciding to finally apologize.

Chihaya's heart fluttered at the thought that now, Taichi was actually admitting that he was scared of what will happen to him as well. She had always thought that he is prideful, because he had always had this 'hero complex', a complex of which he was too busy putting up a strong and unshakable façade in front of him so as not to make others think of him as someone so easily shaken and intimidated. Weak, as he had said before.

She hugged him more tightly, leaning again on his chest as she tried to comfort him, rubbing soothing circles on his back, wiping her tears away anyhow as she did her best to let him know that she was there, now, and that he wasn't going to face this alone like he did years before. "Don't worry, Taichi. I'm sure everything will be fine."

He chuckled, sounding disbelieving. "And how do you even know that? Just a second ago you were crying."

Chihaya lifted her head again to glare at him, narrowing those auburn eyes he had missed looking at for the last three years that he had tried to stay away from her because of his condition.

"Because you're strong, Taichi." She said, in a voice with pure faith and conviction. "Because you just don't run away easily. Because you're done running from me, from yourself, from everyone."

She didn't know how much those words meant to him that it made him tear up, as embarrassing as it sounded. She gave a loud squeak as he wrapped an arm around her waist and gave a tug that she collapsed on top of him, making her straddle his waist as he straightened up from his sitting posture, burying his head on her neck. Her body's reaction surprised her –she felt all the hairs on her arms stand up, and an electric tingle shot past her neck down to her feet when she felt his lips touch the exposed skin of her shoulder.

"T-Taichi…?" She asked in a small voice, his hair tickling her neck a little as she slowly felt herself turning red at the intimacy of their position, but she couldn't deny that she felt so at home and comfortable within his arms, just like that. It also made her wonder, in the back of her mind, what she would feel if Arata held her like this…

_What on earth are you thinking, Chihaya? Will you behave yourself?_

"It's your fault, Chihaya." She heard him say, his voice muffled through her shoulder and sending goose bumps rising from her skin.

"W-What?" She stuttered out.

"I said it's your fault."

"Excuse me?"

He sighed, again his breath tickling her skin and sending another tingle down her body. "I don't want to hope anymore." He chuckled dryly. "I hid from you for three years because I know how you will react once you find out what's been happening to me."

"Yes, as you have explained before, you-"

"I know how you will want me to fight." He cut her off, not seeming to notice her intervention, and which also quieted her down. "I know how you're going to pester me into facing my situation. But I'm so tired of hoping, Chihaya. It was exhausting, watching other people get what they want when all this time I've worked so hard to get there."

She stayed quiet, not knowing what to respond to that.

"It was tiring, to hope for something, to _wish _for it so badly, and still be disappointed in the end." He continued his monologue, not seeming able to stem the flow of words coming from his mouth. He couldn't stop it, and he isn't willing to. He felt that it was about goddamn time to get this off his chest, because tomorrow will be all or nothing already for him. "I don't want to hope anymore, because I am tired. I have nothing left in me to give myself, nothing left to convince myself that everything will _still _be fine after suffering another loss. As I've told you already, I'm not so optimistic like you. Or Kana-chan."

He lifted his head up to look at her squarely in the eyes. He didn't know what had gotten into him, what made him say all these things and make up his mind in just a moment as she had her arms around him, but he was _sick _of still running away from his feelings. There was a limit to how long things should be kept to oneself, and his chest felt that it was ready to explode out of all the feelings that he had felt for her since damn day one. Somehow, the sanctuary of his home offered him courage, and he couldn't keep it to himself any longer. Tomorrow will or will not change his life. Somehow, that thought, his situation, had driven him over the edge and finally made him cliff-dive.

Arata had already faced her and his feelings head on, the honest man that he is. And Taichi knew that he was right.

_That was being incredibly selfish of you, not telling her how you felt all this time._

_You were always the coward, after all._

He was done from running away. He was done from being a coward and a sneak. He hadn't schemed to have her in his unit with just the two of them, so he wasn't being a cheat and a sneak (technically,) and hell if he let this one chance pass again. It was as if Chihaya's words had been the catalyst, as if it had been the trigger. And once she had pulled the plug, she didn't have any idea what she had just let loose on herself.

"I'm done from hoping too much and being disappointed over and over again. That's why I had chosen to run away and just curl up in a hole to hide." He continued, watching her continue to stare at him, her lips slightly opened, as if inviting him to press his own against. But not now. There will be time. "I was too scared to hope that everything will be okay, Chihaya, because nothing had gone my way even before. I hadn't always gotten what I wanted. And I'm tired of it.

"But now, here you were. Telling me that everything will be just fine. Because I'm strong. Because I _can _do it." He smiled at her fondly. "You don't know how much that meant to me." He took another deep breath before plunging on again. "For so long, I guess all I really needed was some faith. Which I had lost years ago. It was easier to just give everything up and walk away before because I had nothing left to lose, because I was no longer hoping for things to change. But I guess, not having anything to believe in took it's _toll_ out of me. So now that I'm taking that surgery… now that I decided to face life one more time… I would hate to be disappointed again."

Chihaya listened attentively, and she was smiling once he finished. "Well, I'm glad that you still decided to take a chance, you know. As they say, as long as there is life, there is hope." She looked down to his hands shyly. "I-I meant what I've said, you know."

Taichi stared at her. His piece about his medical problem was done. There is only one more piece left that he had to tell her.

_All or nothing._

"I have one more secret left to share to you." He said, his gaze turning serious.

Chihaya didn't know what made her heart pound in her chest all of a sudden with the look he was giving her, her fingers dropping the silver pendant that she was playing with which he was wearing around his neck. "W-What… is it?"

Why did she feel as if everything was about to change?

He lifted up her left hand that was still around his waist to his lips, laying a soft kiss on her knuckles that she blushed furiously, feeling herself tremble with the sudden sweet gesture he had just bestowed her.

_May the best man win._

And as he looked at her eyes deeply, in their place which was practically on the floor, in that moment, Mashima Taichi threw away all his doubts and pinned all his hopes and wishes to the words he was about to say as he tucked a stray strand of her hair behind her earlobe and whispered in her ear:

"I'm in love with you, Chihaya. I always have, and I always will."

He promised Arata he will fight for her. And fight for her hard, he will.

* * *

Nothing like not being able to predict what will happen with his surgery to get him to finally move!

I am surprised with this one. I mean I also wasn't expecting for him to blurt it out like that to Chihaya, but who knew? Mashima Taichi is starting to be a little careless and spontaneous. I don't know if that was something good, since we all knew how much of an analyst he is. Just like a _freaking _girl. He should learn to be a little more go-with-the-flow kind of guy, who knew how to be a little careful and careless at the same time. Because with a girl like Chihaya, we all know that plans were usually rendered useless when it came to her, the unpredictable girl that she is. He should know that by now.

And, for this chapter, we get to glimpse the desire that Taichi feels for Chihaya. I'm excited at the fact that I _may _be writing a chapter showing this. Haha. I want to see how far he can go keeping those feelings to himself. *evil grin*

Yes it is not a challenge of the best man winning at this point, because he had a lot of things left to settle. But for him to start moving was already one major change don't you think?

So whaddya think? I'm waiting for your reaction. See you in the next chapter, my lovely readers! Ta ta!


	8. Chapter 8

Aaaaallllright!

Wow, am I once again here. Posting the eighth chapter, nonetheless.

I am so happy to see new reviewers! Thanks to Someone, Pat and MorethanSimplyWords for taking their time to leave reviews. Thanks so much! I hope I'll hear more from you guys.

And Anoninonim, I'll join you in praying that Suetsugu-sensei really would consider Taichi. I mean, it really will break my heart if he still doesn't get the happiness he so rightfully deserves. Thanks for finding my story good. I hope for your continued support.

Okay as for the chapter proper… this one felt like a filler chapter to me. I seriously hope it wasn't, but something is telling me that this chapter really serves as a bridge… for now.

But then I don't want to keep you guys waiting. Read on, and I'll keep my fingers crossed.

* * *

**VIII**

The alarm rang so noisily all throughout her room but she continued to be asleep, feeling as if she was just dreaming of the alarm clock ringing. She wouldn't have been able to get up had it not been for Chitose shaking her awake.

"What is wrong with you? Your alarm clock's ringing! Turn it off! And didn't you have somewhere else to go to today? Get up!"

That statement had been enough to get her awake. She bounced from the bed, and was about to rush off into getting into the bathroom when as immediately like air, thoughts began entering her head, her mind being flooded with memories from the last night.

"_I'm in love with you, Chihaya."_

That single statement alone had been enough to freeze her in her place, and immediately, the blood rushed from her neck to the roots of her hair. She fidgeted with her fingers as she looked down, not being able to stop herself from remembering everything else after that.

The moment he had said the words, it felt as if her world had been turned upside down. Her heart fluttered, and somehow, she felt lightheaded and indescribably happy. She felt like she was flying in the air, and she could stand on it, and it felt as if it was solid, and she didn't have to come back down.

But along with the happiness she had felt the confusion and doubt creep up on her. What was he saying? What _exactly _had he been saying?

She had murmured his name in surprise, her eyes wide as she watched him stare closely at her, gauging her reaction. He was still holding her hand, his thumb rubbing circles on her knuckles, unknowingly making her heart settle comfortably in her chest, the action alone enough to calm her down. She couldn't look away from his eyes, which shone with intensity and… love. It was evident, but she didn't know what to do with it.

Or rather, she didn't know what to make of it.

"_You didn't have to give me your answer immediately."_ He had told her, determined to give her as much time as she needed. _"I'm not in a hurry anyway."_

That was the exact words she had heard from Arata when _he _had confessed to her three months ago.

Chihaya's head ached. It seemed as if it was only now that it had sunk into her head the gravity of her situation. Arata had confessed to her months ago, and Taichi had just confessed to her last night, so now _both_ of her childhood friends had confessed to her, and she didn't know what to do with them!

_What should I do?_

"Argh!" She exclaimed to herself, totally forgetting the fact that her sister was still in her room. "I don't know what to do anymore!"

Chitose raised one perfectly arched eyebrow at her, immediately finding it weird that her sister was talking to herself so early in the morning. She had been used to her sister's weirdness and total addiction to karuta, but this was a first, even for her. "What's this? Early morning tantrums? Period blues?"

Chihaya looked at her older, always-beautiful sister, her auburn eyes looking lost. Chitose inwardly flinched and became worried, -why was her sister looking like that?

"'Neechan," Chihaya began, a pleading look on her face, which looked so out of place with her hair still sticking up in different tangles and directions, "What do you do when men tell you that they love you?"

Chitose didn't know if she had heard correctly that she ran to the window of Chihaya's room and slid the curtains open to look outside. What is happening? Why is Chihaya asking about this all of a sudden? What's going on?! "Is the sky falling?" She asked disbelievingly, trying to find out what had been truly happening.

She scratched her head at her sister's antics. Yes, she was weird and a certified karuta baka, but she had never seen her older sister act like that. It was so not her. "Um 'neechan? What are you doing? I need your help…"

"My help regarding what?" Chitose whirled around to fix her with a steady, still disbelieving gaze. "Was that something between life or death? I kinda need to hurry you know, since I still have a shoot later…"

At her response, Chihaya's face fell. "Um… never mind, then. I'll just try to ask mom…"

Her sister's reply had been more than enough to perk Chitose's curiousity. She approached her sister and gracefully sat down on her bed, holding one of her hands. "Hey. What's wrong? You seem to be carrying the world on your shoulders, you know."

Chihaya looked up to her, then sighed, looking down at her hands once again. "'Neechan, what do you do when two different men tell you that they love you?"

Her sister's eyes widened. "Two _different_ men confessed to you? Reeeeaaaaaallly? Oh my God! What happened?! Tell me!"

"Oneechan!"

But Chitose isn't backing down from not knowing the entire details of what had happened to her. And so with a furious blush and slight hesitancy, she recounted everything that had transpired between her and her two childhood best friends, who had just –yes, turned her world upside down.

Chitose was a good audience, -she had shaken her head and giggled all in the right moments, especially when she recounted how Taichi had made her aware of his feelings for her right from the start. Chitose couldn't stop clutching her cheeks –leaving nail marks on it that Chihaya had to stop her from doing it because she didn't want her sister to come in to the photo shoot with ruined cheeks because of nails, -or shaking Chihaya with her shoulders as she asked her to describe everything in detail. She couldn't stop herself from exclaiming "Oh my God!" at every possible moment that she had to shush her down or else either one of their parents will come up to check what the noise is all about.

"And what did you say? What did you tell them?!"

Chihaya sighed exasperatedly. "That's my problem. I haven't told them anything."

"_What!?"_

"Shhh! 'neechan!"

She began to explain as to why she practically left both of them hanging on to her response. "I mean… I'm not even sure if I'm attracted or not to either one of them. I-I'm not even sure if I understand what kind of love they were talking about." Chihaya's cheeks were flushed, as she looked down to her pajama-covered legs. "I'm… useless when it came to these things."

"Too right you are." Chitose harshly agreed, sounding frustrated as well. What was her sister doing, making those poor men wait for her response just like that? But she could understand as to why her sister was so confused, she grudgingly told herself. It was a no-brainer after all. Her sister, despite being bestowed with incredible beauty, had practically no experience with men. It was not because of lack of looks, (she had plenty of those, for crying out loud,) but because of her sister's own preferences. She had never cared what other people thought about her, and that had been something good, she guess, but that also meant that she was totally and helplessly clueless as to what they were thinking about her, and if that was the case with other people, then that meant that it was worse when it came to the opposite sex.

Chitose had to admit though, that she was not really surprised as to the identities of these men who had just turned her sister's world upside-down with their simple act of confessing to her. She knew them both, and she had not been caught off-guard when she heard of them finally doing it. She and Keiichi had sort of made a bet as to who will be the first to crack, and needless to say, Keiichi had won, him having placed his bet on Arata.

But as amusing as it is for them, she knew it was not going to be easy for Chihaya. She had already expected that one of these days she will be hearing this from her sister, but she hadn't expected that it would be a double headache for her. Chitose felt sorry for her, as much as she wanted to smack her in the head, for not noticing those two's feelings immediately. If she did, she would have been able to pinpoint immediately as to who she liked more and would have prevented them from confessing to her one after the other.

"'Neechan… if you were me, what would you do?"

As much as she knew that she was practically going to be late for work, she couldn't leave her sister like this. She had to at least, act like the older sister who was more knowledgeable and help to at least clear her head.

"Do you feel at least an attraction to one of them?" She asked her instead, in an attempt to dig in Chihaya's feelings and make her focus on to one of them.

Chihaya sunk into deep thought, and she realized that yes, she did. She was attracted to Arata. The way that he looked at her when he had faced her in the airport when he had gone for his travel internship, the way that she felt sad when she couldn't do more but just smile at him when they had met in matches back in high school… when he would call and she practically would trip over her own feet just to answer him… the way she felt when he had embraced her when he told her how much he loved her…

Then she frowned. Because she practically felt the same for Taichi.

She recalled how overjoyed she was to have found him again in the Sodai University Hospital, how she felt so heartbroken when she finally understood what had been going in with him for years, how her heart ached for him as he cried, how happy she felt just to see him smile again like he used to before…

How she felt so empty when he had disappeared from her life…

And how, when their gazes had locked last night, did she feel her stomach twist and turn, fluttering like there were butterflies in it, and her heart pounded in her chest when he held her close and told her how much he loved her, how she suddenly felt so shy when she had given him a kiss for just deciding to cook soba for her… how she felt so at home and safe in his arms.

But wouldn't that mean that she felt the same for the two of them!?

"I'm attracted to the both of them!" She exclaimed in despair, collapsing back on her bed and wringing her hands up in frustration. Chitose sighed, rubbing her temples.

"You have to choose which of them you're more attracted to!"

"I can't! It's impossible!"

Chitose wanted to strangle her sister. How was it possible to like two people at the same time?

Although as she thought about it more, it was not exactly impossible to like two people at the same time. However, one of them has to be more important to her, to weigh more in her thoughts than the other.

"Who was more important to you then?"

''Neechan they're both important to me." Chihaya responded helplessly. "I'd do anything for either of them, you know."

"Guess there's no helping it then. Listen, when two people like me at the same time, I do what every sane woman does."

"What?" Chihaya asked confusedly.

"I kiss them both and see who was the better kisser."

"N-Neechan!" Chihaya exclaimed, reddening furiously from her neck to the roots of her hair. Chitose sighed and smacked her on the back of her head, making her exclaim irritatedly, "Ouch!"

"Stop acting like a kid!" Chitose scolded, crossing her arms over her chest. "That's your problem, you _still _think like a kid. Well, girl, I've got news for you. You're no longer a kid, you're already twenty one. You should start seeing them as _men_. And not just as friends." She took a deep breath before continuing, "I know it's much easier said than done. But Chihaya, it's time for you to grow up and think about this seriously. You do realize they both just told you how much they love you, right?"

Chihaya was staring at her with wide, panicky eyes. "Y-Yes. But 'neechan… I'm not sure… I'm attracted to the both of them, but I don't know what kind of love they're talking about. W-What if their feelings were not the same as mine?" She looked down to her fingers. "W-What if the 'love' they're saying was different from mine? A-And besides…" Here she trailed off before taking a deep breath as well, "Realizing who it is I love more between them will make me _choose_ one from them. And that would mean hurting one of them… right?"

Chitose sighed as she saw her sister's dilemma. So she wasn't as airhead as she had always been. She was actually surprised that she managed to figure that one out, because it hadn't been a secret to anyone in their family that you couldn't exactly expect her to understand these things at first try. She guessed that her sister _did _grow after all these years.

She wrapped an arm around her shoulders as tears formed in Chihaya's eyes. "Yes, that would _undoubtedly_ hurt one of them. But you couldn't have them both in the same time, you know." She caressed her sister's messy hair. "They know that, and had still decided to take the risk. That's what love is, after all."

"I don't understand."

Chitose tipped up her chin to look at her in the eyes, wondering what she should tell her innocent sister to make her understand. "Love, Chihaya, is when you do crazy things just to make a person happy. It's when you make tough decisions, to hurt that someone because you _know_ it would be better for them, but you do it anyway because you _love_ them," she took a deep breath, smiling sadly, "it's when you choose to stay away from that person, because you don't want them to be hurt, despite it _killing_ you, because sometimes, it's better to stay away from her than to see her hurt because of you."

Chihaya looked up to her, her eyes still not hiding the lost expression she was wearing at the moment. "I-I'm still lost."

Chitose looked at her younger sister, and she couldn't help but chuckle at her. Well, her sister is starting to become a woman. She didn't know who to thank, -who knew she would be seeing this day?

"I figured you won't. At the moment." She comforted her sniffing sister. "Don't worry. You will understand everything in time. But if I were you, I will be thinking about this more seriously from now on. Love, after all, is not a game."

"B-But…" Chihaya began as Chitose finally stood up, "I-I can't decide which of them I like more! What if I _won't_ be able to decide?"

Her older sister smacked her on the head again. "Baka. You will be able to decide. Believe me, you will. Because one of them, undoubtedly, will weigh more in your thoughts than the other. Just one piece of advice though," she trailed off to make sure Chihaya is listening, "follow what you're feeling here." She rubbed Chihaya's left chest. "you will know who it is you're in love with just by listening to it. Whoever makes your heart flutter in happiness, _whoever_ makes you feel as if there is something twisting in your stomach, then that's him."

She winked at her karuta-addicted sister. "I hope you don't take too long, Chihaya. Both of them are such wonderful men, after all. Each of you deserves happiness with the other." Then her expression turned stern. "Now get dressed. You have somewhere to go to today, right?"

Chitose smiled to herself as she turned to gracefully exit the room, leaving Chihaya flustered and speechless, scratching her head.

_I hope you immediately realize it. I don't know how much longer he is willing to let you decide. I hope, for _your _sake, that you see it. You've made him wait for too long already._

_Oh, I'm so excited to see what happens!_

She had to _thank _the both of them. Her sister, after all, is, finally, growing up.

* * *

Taichi turned and got his clothes which were hanging behind the door of the bathroom located specifically in his hospital room, which was reserved solely for him. He had already changed into a hospital gown, which left him a bit uncomfortable since it felt a little itchy behind.

_Man, hospital gowns sure make you feel perpetually itchy._

Sighing to himself, he went out of the bathroom and proceeded to fold his clothes carefully into one pile. He was only waiting for the doctor to call him to proceed to the operating room, having finished doing some of the tests that he had to take before the surgery.

He tried to ignore the fact that he was feeling so nervous already.

A knock came on the door and he called "Come in," before it opened to reveal 'Mrs. Pressure' –his mom.

"Okaasan." He called in a greeting. His mom came to pick him up earlier to accompany him and assisted him with packing some of the clothes that he will need for around two months of stay in the hospital, and he had to admit, he felt grateful, if just a little, for the moral support that she was showing.

"Are you ready?" She asked, coming in and carefully closing the door. She was clutching her shoulder bag in one hand, which he knew was a sign that his mom is also nervous. The action was enough to quietly amaze him, because Mashima Rieko had never shown any nervousness or fear of the unknown. She always had projected this image of a strong, convicted woman, -hell, she had been a dictator and decision-maker, so seeing her like this was something new, even to her own son.

The stubbornness and ability to hide the fear had come from her. He knew he had inherited it, because it was one of the qualities that had made him so prideful. Truthfully he had always wondered the combination kind of personality he had- cowardice and pride. What an odd combination for a person like him.

_Coward? Hmmm. Let's see… I've already admitted my feelings to her, does that still count as _cowardice_?_

Well that was expecting too much from him if he would say he wasn't quite nervous with Chihaya's reaction to his totally out-the-blue confession. After all, people's personalities don't change overnight.

But it _is _a big change.

The moment the words had left his mouth last night, he felt strangely liberated. It felt as if a large weight had been lifted from his shoulders, like something which had been suffocating him for years had been finally removed from his chest. He didn't know whatever it is that had possessed him to finally, _finally _make her aware of his feelings, but he was thankful for whatever it is. At least, Chihaya wasn't as clueless as she was now.

Honestly speaking, until now he felt strangely in cloud nine, feeling as if he was so light, his feet off the ground. Despite of the fact that he was practically nervous with his surgery, he still felt like he was floating.

He guessed that there was something to be said about confession being good for the soul.

"I'm ready." He told his mom in response, plopping down on the bed and continuing to fold his clothes into proper piles. "I was just waiting for Ryuzaki-sensei to give me the signal." He looked at her. "Is Rika coming?"

"She's still at school, finishing a case study with her classmates. She'll be coming later on." His mom responded, and he smirked inwardly in response. _Case study my foot. I would bet my Lexus she's with her boyfriend_. He hadn't bothered asking about his father, because he was out of the country for a few days now, and it had been an agreement between him and his mom that they would keep it from his father in the meantime. They didn't want to risk giving the old man a heart attack.

"Really. Guess I'll have to pester her later then." He responded in a wry tone. His mother raised an eyebrow at him.

"Are any of your friends coming? I expect they have already known about this even before we did." She asked, sounding sterner like she used to be. Taichi glanced at her again, looking at her quite warily.

"I'm not expecting any of them today." He said, quite truthfully. It was true, anyway. He hadn't told any of his friends about his decision yet, -really it was better for them to find out about it in the end because he knew what a fuss they would make,- and now that he had told Chihaya what he felt, he expected she would need time to think about things deeply, and that would mean her avoiding them for a few days.

Or at least, that's what he expected, especially now, now that it was apparent that he and Arata had made it clear to her that they were _both_ in love with her, and that they _are _fighting for her hand.

"Even Chihaya-san?"

Why did it feel as if his mother didn't want to believe him?

"Why are you asking about her, mom? You haven't liked her, -then and now."

"I find it strange for her not to be here. After all, she had always held you in the palm of her hand." She said matter-of-factly.

His cheeks involuntarily burned. "What is that supposed to mean?"

His mother didn't get the chance to respond as, as that moment, a knock came on the door and it opened a crack to reveal Ryuzaki-sensei's face.

"It's time, Mashima-kun."

He nodded, and he and his mom stood up. After a meaningful look at him, he allowed her to step ahead of him and they both went out of his soon-to-be hospital room. He gave the room one last look before closing the door.

Before he could take a step further though, he was startled to hear someone calling his name. "Taichi!"

He whirled around and spotted Chihaya rushing over to him, and she wasn't alone. Arata was with her as well, and they were rushing to his direction. "Chihaya? Arata." He said, sounding surprised, as she stopped in front of them clutching her chest. Through his peripheral vision he saw his mom shake her head minutely, but it appeared as if she was… smiling?

_Huh?_

"I-I'm glad I caught you j-just in time. O-Oh, Mashima-san." She turned to his mother and bowed respectfully, still caching her breath. His mother bowed her head in response minutely.

"Chihaya-san. Long time no see." She then turned to him. "We'll just be waiting for you then." And with that, she nodded to Ryuzaki-sensei, who grasped him on the shoulder and proceeded ahead of him.

He was mystified by his mother's behavior. Normally she would act all polite and with a smile pasted over her face… but couldn't dwell on it now. "What are you doing here? I thought you weren't coming." He said, still surprised.

Chihaya frowned at him and swatted him on the arm. "What is that supposed to mean? We came here to give you support of course!" He noticed how she blushed at him when she said that. "I-I mean… right, Arata?"

"Of course." Arata seconded. "Did you think we're going to leave you alone?" He raised an eyebrow at him, as if to say _Duh._

"B-But what about your school?"

"We finished early." Chihaya replied, sounding close to being defensive. "We came here to see you as fast as we can. I'm glad we caught you."

"You didn't need to come-"

"Ah mou! Taichi no baka!" She smacked him on the head that he exclaimed "Ow!" Before she relented and rubbed the back of his head. He was glaring at her. _This woman…!_

"A-Are you going to the surgery room now?" She asked, fidgeting a bit with her fingers as she looked down to avoid his gaze.

He caught Arata's eye and he shrugged. "Well yes. You got any problem with that?" he jokingly asked, trying to ease her worry which was so clearly etched on her face. Before he could react though, he found himself wrapped in her arms, her breathing rugged against his chest.

"Come back well, Taichi." She said, her voice muffled against his chest. "You _have_ to hear well, again."

He glanced at Arata, wondering what was his expression seeing this, but all he saw in the other man's eyes was support and friendship. And he realized, then and there, that no matter what happened, no matter who Chihaya chose between them, they _would_ always be friends.

He hugged her back, appreciating the fact that she was still there to support him, despite of both of them knowing how things are different now. "I'll try. But don't expect too much please."

"Baka. Do it." She commanded haughtily, as she looked up to him, her dark eyes filled with unshed tears. "Please, Taichi."

He nodded, as much as he didn't want to disappoint her, he had to appease her, and he felt Arata grip his shoulder as well. He nodded at him silently, and placed a kiss on her forehead.

"Okay. Don't worry too much. Arata, look after her for me will you? I want to see her when I wake up." He then released her as she bushed again, looking at them both with sudden pride. "Wish me luck."

Chihaya and Arata nodded, and with that he turned away from them, trudging away from them with light footsteps.

_Kami-sama, I entrust everything to you._

* * *

Suffice to say, the surgery had taken long, -around six hours at least. Arata had to hold Chihaya's arm to stop her from wearing a path on the floor in front of the operating room, and when the doctor came out finally, it was to tell them that the surgery was over and he had done everything he could, and that as soon as Taichi wakes up, they will know the result.

Taichi had spent the past forty-eight hours asleep, still unconscious. The surgery, and the medications no doubt, had taken it's toll on him. His mom had watched over him for the past two days and his sister had come to substitute for his mom no doubt, and Chihaya had endured at least an hour of awkward silence with his family during the first day.

What was unexpected was that 'Mrs. Pressure' had tried talking to her the following day, had asked her how she was doing, and what was her plan after graduating. She was trembling as she responded to her questions, much to Arata's amusement, who had offered them both a cup of coffee at the time.

"And you, Wataya-san? How have you been doing?"

Like her Arata had responded to her questions politely, not in the least bit intimidated by 'Mrs. Pressure' that Chihaya had to admire him for that. Taichi's mom had nodded carefully with each of his responses, but what she had last said had to be the biggest surprise in her life.

"I will have to go home and attend a company meeting in his father's place. I might not be around when Taichi wakes up. Can you look after him in my stead, Chihaya-san?"

_That_ was, no doubt, the biggest surprise she had encountered. She had responded with a close-to-squeak "Yes!" and his mother nodded briefly and smiled one of her signature, make-you-tremble smiles before thanking her.

And that was how she left. Chihaya didn't honestly know what had gotten into 'Mrs. Pressure' that she couldn't help but wonder whether she wasn't Taichi's proud mother at all.

And so she was left there with Arata, looking after Taichi. The poor man is still asleep, and though Chihaya tried not to, her thoughts took direction every time to that night when he had confessed to her, and just how her stomach would turn every time she remembered it. She softly reached out to draw away some of the hair which had fallen to his face, trying hard not to stare at those slightly opened lips as he breathed calmly, before taking one of his hands in hers and playing with it gently. All the bandages that were wrapped around his head and over his ear made her nervous, but she told herself not to worry. She did not notice Arata's expression, who had slightly shaken his head.

_She still hasn't realized it then…_

"I'm goin' to get some food from the cafeteria. Do you want anythin'?" He volunteered, standing up.

"No thanks. I'm quite full."

"Chihaya. Not eatin' anythin' won't help. Do you think Taichi will be pleased once he finds out you haven't been eatin' anythin'?"

She took a deep breath and sighed. "I know. It's just that…" She trailed off, not knowing how to continue, though she knew Arata would understand it all the same.

Arata sighed as well in response. "Does ramen sound good? You have to at least get somethin' warm in your stomach, and we couldn't risk you eatin' too much all of a sudden."

She looked at him gratefully. "Yes, that sounds good. Thanks, Arata, and sorry for making you worry."

Arata ruffled her hair in response that she pouted and swatted his hand away in response. "Anythin' for you."

Now she reddened at that. She almost forgot. Arata had confessed to her as well.

How is she going to choose between one of them? She knew that what Chitose had said was true. Both of them are such wonderful men. Not choosing one from them would be totally unfair, not just for them, but for her as well.

But choosing one from them meant that she _will_ undoubtedly hurt one of them!

Before she could think about it further though, she heard a moan. Then she felt him squeeze her fingers that she felt as if her heart wanted to leap for joy.

_He's awake!_

"Taichi!" She exclaimed in happiness as his eyes fluttered open to finally reveal those beautiful amber eyes. He looked disorientedly up to the ceiling, then finally glanced at her. The smile she had on her lips was enough to blind him as she leaned forward. "A-Are you okay? Um… D-Does something hurt?" She tried asking, then mentally smacked herself as she remembered the bandages still wrapped around him. _Of course he wouldn't hear me clearly! T-That's not something bad… right?_ "I-I'll just… call Ryuzaki-sensei." She was about to stand up but something pulled her back, and she turned back to see him shake his head slightly, seeing something like fear flash in his eyes. His hand was gripping hers tightly, and she felt something melt inside her.

_He… is scared._ She took a deep breath, and it was only then that she remembered there was a button above his head which could be used to call the nurses. She sighed at her utter dumbness, and she smiled at him. "Okay. I'm staying."

He seemed to understand that, and he settled a bit more comfortably as she leaned over him to push the said button. Then she sat back down, nearly blushing furiously as she saw him staring at her. Her heart was pounding hard again as their gazes locked just like three nights ago.

_Don't stare at me like that…_

She didn't know how to contain the furious reddening of her cheeks. He was still staring at her, a calm expression on his face, probably just studying everything in detail. He was still holding her hand tightly in his, and was, again, rubbing his thumb in circles on the back of her hand. Remembering that she had offered to mail his mom once he woke up, she fished her phone out of the pocket of her purse and typed the mail, (his mom had conveniently left her her contact number,) and sent it.

He was watching her silently, a silent question in his eyes.

"I mailed your mom. She… had to go home to attend a meeting in your father's stead. She… She gave me her contact number." She explained, all the while wondering if he even understood her.

_Oh God… Please let him hear well again…_

Chihaya saw his forehead furrow, and one of his eyebrows raised as if to ask, 'What, you and mom are mail buddies now?'

She wondered if he understood her. Did that mean…?

It was then at that moment that the door burst open and Ryuzaki-sensei came in followed by a nurse. Chihaya had to move aside as they started checking Taichi's pulse, and all other essentials to be done when a patient just woke up from surgery. Ryuzaki-sensei turned to her.

"How long has he been awake?"

"J-Just a few minutes. He just opened his eyes a few minutes ago."

"We'll be removing the bandages later on. And let us hope against hope, that the surgery was a success."

Her eyes widened, and she swallowed. This is it.

The nurse started unwrapping the bandages over his ear, and into his head. Chihaya waited with bated breath that she almost didn't notice Arata come in, back from the cafeteria and all. He felt him grip her shoulder and squeeze it reassuringly, and she felt grateful that he was there.

As soon as the last bandage came off, Ryuzaki-sensei leaned forward. "Do you hear anything, Taichi-kun?"

Taichi didn't respond, his expression looking blank. Tears welled up in Chihaya's eyes as she watched him look up somehow blankly at Ryuzaki-sensei.

_Oh God… No… It couldn't be…_

Then his expression changed. He frowned. "I'm hearing popping noises. Is that even normal?"

Chihaya nearly leaped out of her seat in unexplainable happiness and joy. _He can hear! Oh my God, he _can _hear!_

Ryuzaki-sensei smiled in relief, and gripped Taichi's shoulder, all smiles. "Yes that's normal, Taichi-kun. You just came from an ear surgery after all." Then he straightened up and ruffled his hair gently before turning to everyone in the room. "You'll be experiencing that for a few days. I am happy to say that the surgery is a success."

Chihaya's tears fell from her eyes in happiness as she sobbed for him, and Arata smiled at him widely as he met his gaze.

"Don't cry, Chihaya." Taichi frowned as she sniffed heavily. "You heard sensei, right? Unless it's you who had suddenly gone-"

He was cut off as she stood up and took him in her arms, sobbing on his chest. "I'm… I'm so glad for you, Taichi. I-I'm so happy for you!"

Taichi chuckled gently as he stroked her hair and dropped a kiss on the top of her head. Thank Kami-sama then.

* * *

For days on end Taichi did his best to follow the procedure the doctor had strictly left on him. Soft diet, no heavy workload. Since he will be staying in the hospital for a few weeks, he jokingly told Ryuzaki-sensei that he really wouldn't _have_ any workload. At least, while he was here.

He had sent Chihaya home after learning from Arata that the only thing she had eaten so far was ramen. Her not eating was definitely something out of context, because it was so not like her that he joked she would weigh less than a hundred and eighteen pounds if she didn't eat normally, which resulted to her giving him a swat on the arm, forgetting that he just had a surgery.

"You mean brat!"

But since she had been worrying for him, he couldn't help but feel so light anyway.

Another reason why he had to send her home is because he didn't know what to make of the interaction occurring between her and _his _mother, of all people. Mashima Rieko had asked her to look after him, something that he _could_ not imagine her doing, of all things.

"What is going on, Okaasan?" He had asked cautiously, which made her raise an eyebrow at him.

"Nothing is going on, Taichi."

"You've asked Chihaya to look after me when you had to be in a meeting, and you _gave _her you contact number and she _mailed_ you. You haven't exactly liked her, then and now, Okaasan. I'm sure you understand where I'm coming from."

His mom fixed him with a laser-like gaze that he had always been familiar with. "I realized, Taichi, that Chihaya-san has always been a good friend of yours. I have started respecting her because of it. Didn't you want that?"

But it seemed that there was something more than that, Taichi thought inwardly.

He had to stay for a few more weeks in the hospital because Ryuzaki-sensei still had to observe his condition. He would have preferred to be discharged immediately, but Arata had pointed out (the sneaky bastard,) that he will drown himself with schoolwork immediately if he was left alone, something that he would have to stray off for now because he just came from a surgery. Chihaya had agreed, which finalized the decision to make him stay in the hospital.

If Taichi didn't know any better, Arata was making 'the moves' on Chihaya. Huh. He wouldn't be surprised if Arata had found a way to do so. After all, it was now apparent that neither of them were backing down when all came down to Chihaya.

That was the final reason why he had asked her to rest and stay home first. The past few days had her blushing at the both of them and an atmosphere of awkwardness and tension surrounded the three of them when they would be left alone to themselves. What felt as a stab was that Chihaya was friendly towards Arata as usual, but when it came to him… she almost wouldn't talk to him, except when he and Arata would initiate a talk regarding upcoming karuta matches for the both of them, or when he would need assistance in changing his ear dressing. He guessed that now that it was clear that he would be hearing again and that he was out of danger from going deaf his whole life, her priority as his best friend was starting to change, _to_ _evolve_, by the looks of it.

She was starting to think about the two of them _more _deeply now, in a manner of a woman thinking of the two men who had just caused a disturbance in her world by admitting to her that they were _both _head-over-heels for her.

He knew she needed space first, and despite of the fact he would certainly miss her, he and Arata had agreed that they would have to leave her alone first to prevent her from being overwhelmed by either of them. The last thing they wanted to happen was them losing her and her friendship at the same time.

"_I'd rather have her as a best friend if that's the case."_ He had told Arata when Chihaya had left to choose whatever she wanted to eat in the cafeteria the day before she had gone home.

"_Don't worry. I understand."_ Arata had agreed, before grinning at him all of a sudden. _"Though I'm surprised. You've changed, Taichi."_

"_It's too early to say that."_

"_It's not, and you know it. You've always seemed to think too much of things before, always preparing, always planning, always having a back up plan if the _back up plan _for your plan_ _didn't work. You were always so busy trying to think up of ways of hiding the disappointment you will feel once things did not go your way."_

"_That's not something bad."_

"_Except it restricted you from doing what you should do." _Arata countered, looking at him seriously. _"You're a proud man after all. You've always been not so confident when it came to Chihaya. When it came to her, you've always prepared a mask that you will wear once you lost."_

"_She's different. You and I both know that, Arata. The natural rules in this world didn't apply to her. It's intimidating, and you are aware of that."_

"_Of course."_

"_She needed space. From the _both _of us. We overwhelm her too much."_

"_Agreed."_

And so he came up with the decision to ask her, -no _order_ her,- to go home and rest first. She had disagreed, but when he casually threatened that she wouldn't be able to borrow some of his dvds again, she was out of the room before he could even complete the threat.

_She cares more for the dvds. That woman…_

This morning, he woke up earlier than usual to take a walk around the hospital, since he wasn't allowed to even exercise or jog. He was getting bored being alone for the past few days now that he felt like wanting to get out of the room first just to take in the sunlight and the air. He had told Ryuzaki-sensei that he would wander in the hospital garden for now, and if anyone chose to visit, they just needed to look for him there.

He had wandered around the garden, watching some of the other patients sitting or smelling some of the flowers, or some elders in wheelchairs being strolled around by some nurses or their grandchildren. He had to admit, it was peaceful there, and it gave him peace of mind.

"Tai…chi? Oh my gosh, is that you?"

He whirled around in surprise, hearing a familiar voice call. He saw a petite, blue-eyed woman standing behind him, her eyes widening once she confirmed that it really is him. "Oh my God! It _is_ you! Hisashiburi!" She exclaimed, before almost flying to his arms and embracing him tightly, and tiptoeing to give him a kiss on the cheek.

"Ruka?" Was all he could say as he returned the embrace. "W-What are you doing here?"

"I should ask _you _that. What are you doing here? I visited a friend of mine who was hospitalized just a few days ago." Then she noticed the dressing in his ears that he had. "D-Did you just come from a surgery?"

He was saved from further response when a movement behind her caught his eye. Then the color drained off of his face when he saw who it was.

"Chihaya." He breathed out, seeing her brows furrowed, and she was looking at the both of them with wide eyes. What caught his eye though was something like… hurt(?) had flashed in her eyes. Ruka turned to follow his gaze, and she giggled.

"Oh. Who's this? Introduce us, Taichi. Where are your manners?" She joked, giggling in a friendly manner at Chihaya, and she returned the smile, though Taichi could see it was a bit… hesitant.

He wanted the ground to open and up and swallow him. Why, oh why, did this have to happen to him? Now? As in right now?

"Ruka, this is Ayase Chihaya. My err… best friend and current Queen of karuta." Chihaya was looking at him with unblinking doe eyes, and he didn't know why he felt like she was accusing him of something. God, why did this have to happen to him?

"Chihaya, meet Kasanagi Ruka. My… ex-girlfriend."

* * *

Ahahaha.

Taichi is quite the lucky guy. Who knew he'll have to meet his ex-girlfriend again? And for Chihaya to catch them in that moment no less! Haha. Poor guy. I wonder how he's going to deal with both of the women who had a part in his life in one room. Well good luck.

As for Chihaya, well, she's beginning to make progress, though still… well, slow. It'll take a while for her to connect Chitose's advice to her feelings for the two men. Well, I hope they're up to wait for it, and for _her_ sake, I hope she realizes it, and soon.

Thank you for reading, guys. As always, please let me know what you think. I would love to hear more from you!

See you next chapter guys! Love lots!


	9. Chapter 9

Hullo, everyone!

My gosh! I am posting the ninth chapter. Wow. Have I really come a long way. From the time that I have been itching to publish this story, and now… haha. I still couldn't believe it! It's a dream come true.

Thanks to Pat, who after reading my story two hours after I updated it, came back to leave a review. To Gosia-Poland who had left a review for the seventh chapter but I hadn't seen it immediately! Haha. Thanks so much, guys. I hope you continue to enjoy this story.

I may be surprising everyone with this chapter since… really, I don't know what had gotten into me as well that I wrote it like this. I experimented a bit, and I hope it's something that you guys won't find… disturbing. I don't know if I should raise the rating to K+ though. Hahahaha.

Okay on to the chapter. You guys might kill me if I don't stop my rant. I hope you like it!

* * *

**IX**

Taichi didn't know what to do as he watched the two women he didn't know would meet and _wouldn't _have wanted to meet each other in the first place talk over donuts and coffee. Just a second ago the atmosphere felt tense, but now the two were chatting animatedly like they have been friends for a long time now.

Women are intriguing creatures, indeed.

They were exchanging stories of their high school lives, Chihaya explaining what karuta really is like. In all fairness to Ruka, she showed genuine interest and congratulated Chihaya for becoming the Queen, also expressing interest to learn how to play the sport. Chihaya invited her to the Shiranami society and told her she could come visit one of these days and watch them play.

"Haven't you watched Taichi play at all before, though?" Chihaya asked innocently, and he felt something stab at his gut. He was just there, sipping coffee and everything, occasionally speaking when prompted. He wanted to glare at her, but he couldn't do so. He was, after all, still in the middle of the two women who had nothing in common at all except maybe a connection to him.

Ruka laughed. "No, unfortunately, I haven't. Ta-kun here," she winked at him as she used the old pet name she had given him before, which had made his skin crawl admittedly, "has been too busy with studies and everything that he couldn't even take me to watch some of his matches before. After all, he's such a workaholic even when he was still in high school."

"That _workaholic_ can hear you, you know." He intervened, but he and Chihaya were looking at each other. She just stuck out her tongue at him sideways as she turned to Ruka once again.

"That's unfortunate. You should have seen him do weird swings."

"What?" Ruka asked in surprise as Taichi glared at Chihaya for real now.

"I do not have weird swings."

"Yes you do!"

The conversation turned into a teasing match. Ruka was laughing hard, despite of the fact that Taichi had the strange urge to wring Chihaya's neck.

_What the hell is this woman saying?_

Chihaya had excused herself for the moment to go take a break in a washroom, and Taichi was left with Ruka.

Ruka leaned over to him with a smile on her pretty face. Taichi had to admit, Ruka didn't look much pretty before back in their high school days, heck, if compared to Chihaya she might even look plain, but now she had developed into a woman and had that air of gracefulness that admittedly, he had yet to see in Chihaya.

"She's… cautious around me."

Taichi looked up to her. "What?"

Ruka raised an eyebrow at him. "You heard me. She's friendly… but she was… I don't know, guarded." She fixed him with a steady gaze. "What are you doing?"

He looked at her questioningly, pretending not to know. "I'm not doing anything."

His response earned him a swat on the arm. "Ow! What is it with you women and your hands? You are so fond of physically harming men when you don't like the way we talk or when we do something that displeases you somehow." He complained, and she rolled her eyes.

"Because you are idiots, and you deserve a lasting reminder." She said matter-of-factly, but then jokingly nudged him. "You like her, don't you?"

He blanched. This was _so_ not the topic that he would like to talk with an ex-girlfriend. Far from it, for Christ's sake. "Ruka-"

She raised her hands up in surrender. "I know what you're about to say, -I've got nothing to do with it. But really, Taichi, I can't help but notice the way you act when you're around her. You look… I don't know, lighter. As opposed to when we were together you know."

He sighed in defeat. "That obvious, huh? Man, am I that easy to read?"

She giggled. "No. It's just that I've always known how to read you. Even back then." She looked at him with appraising eyes, then laughed. "Oh, you don't just like her. You're in love with her, aren't you?"

That made his cheeks color. Argh, women. They can be such mind readers sometimes! This is why he didn't prefer hanging around girls like Oe-san and Hanano-san before. Women could be so sensitive.

And annoyingly accurate too.

"Yeah well… so." He muttered a bit uncomprehendingly as he met Ruka's eyes.

Ruka stared at him. "Well, I hope you've made your move. You can be such an easy mark at times, you know." She stirred her coffee carefully, missing the glare he had just given her. "Good news is, I think you actually have a chance."

"You don't know that."

"Oh I actually do." She countered, giggling at him. "You're still the same old Mashima Taichi I've known- and fallen in love with, before- aren't you? You never liked hoping too much."

"She's different, despite of the fact I knew her since childhood, I can wholeheartedly admit that even I can't understand her that well." He leaned back, looking up to the ceiling as he did so. "I've told her about my feelings yes, but that doesn't mean she may or may not be in love with someone else. I've given her space and time to think about it, but really, I'm… not all that positive that she feels the same way for me."

"I already told you that she does."

"You only just met her ten minutes ago, Ruka."

"Have a little more faith in me will you?" She narrowed her eyes at him. "You know what, that has always been your problem you know. You're afraid to trust women."

"You know that's not true. I wouldn't have asked you out if that's the case."

"Maybe, maybe not. You asked me out because _I_ asked you to go out with me, remember?" She teased. "But the point is, believe me when I tell you that she _does_ have feelings for you as well. I could see it in her eyes, Taichi. Why else would she put up her guard in front of me?"

"You've lost me there." He said, sipping his coffee. Somehow, he shivered at the taste of the pure black he had gotten from the vendo. It made him itch to prepare his own coffee. Hey, it tasted a lot better than this.

"Oh come on. I know you understand what I'm saying." Ruka insisted good-naturedly, determined to make her pep talk work. It felt a lot like it right now. "Ayase-san may be different, but she's still a girl, like _me,_ Taichi. And I know how it feels to meet an ex of the man I like, you know."

"Enough to make her cautious huh."

"The thing is, just because you told her about your feelings doesn't mean you'll leave her alone to decide." Ruka said seriously. 'I'm not telling you to go around and pester her, but try and make her feel that she's special to you. Believe me, it works. And it'll greatly help us decide whether we like you at all or not, you know."

Taichi couldn't help but chuckle. "And you're telling me this, why?"

"Well, I'm getting tired of seeing you doing nothing at all. You should learn to be a bit more aggressive."

"You do _not_ mean that, woman." He retorted indignantly.

Ruka laughed. "I actually do, Taichi. Sorry." She gave him a peace sign. "I'm kinda jealous, though. For you to have loved her even when you were kids… that was just… romantic."

"More like hopeless."

"So then that meant that even when we were together, you were actually in love with someone else. I don't know what I'm supposed to feel about that now. It just meant that my instincts had been right." Ruka said thoughtfully that Taichi felt a bit defensive.

"I did love you, Ruka."

"Not in that way, Taichi, and we both know that now." Ruka said, giving him a gentle squeeze on his left hand. "I'm not hurt by it. Don't worry too much." She was still looking at him thoughtfully. "You thought before that I broke things off with you because karuta has been taking up too much of your time, right? But honestly, Taichi, I broke up with you because I could feel that you… your heart weren't in it, you know."

He stared at her. "What?"

"It just felt like you were there because… you felt the need to be there. For me." She elaborated, and Taichi's face drained off it's color once again. "For a while that worked, but then I realized that… well, that's not enough for me. I need you to be there because you wanted to, not just because you _felt _that you had to be there, Taichi."

He couldn't believe what he was hearing, -heck, he didn't even know how to react to it, but he could understand what she was getting on to. "And I'm only hearing about this now because…?"

"Well we haven't exactly broken up in amiable terms, you know?" Ruka chuckled. "And I guess I've been too prideful to admit that even over the phone that time. That was my ego talking, back then." She swatted him on his arm again but more playfully this time. "But all I know Taichi, is that if you really love Ayase-san… then do something. You _have_ to make her see that you're serious about her." She gripped his hand and gave a gentle squeeze. "Women wanted to see that in all men who had just told her that he's head-over-heels for her."

Taichi couldn't help but let out a snort as he squeezed her hand back in thanks. "Why has it taken us five years to have this conversation?"

Ruka laughed as she finished her donut. "I know right? But I really wish the best for you, Ta-kun." She joked that he coughed into his donut as well.

"You know I haven't really liked that nickname you've decided to give me before."

"You do realize you've just hurt my feelings, don't you?"

"Oh sorry. But it's true you know?"

* * *

It was almost two in the afternoon when Ruka had excused herself to finally be on her way. She had winked at Taichi and wished him good luck when Chihaya had turned her back on them for a minute and they both saw her out. She waved enthusiastically before getting into her car.

And left them alone with each other.

And so there they were, back in his hospital room, watching a television show which he wasn't even sure if they _were_ both watching avidly, -if they even knew what the show is all about.

It was calm, but just like the calm before when they had first argued after so many years, this one felt very akin to a calm before the storm.

Chihaya was unusually quiet as she peeled apples off for him. He had declined earlier since he can do it himself, but she said she wanted to keep her hands busy, and he felt that he should let her do it, -there was something so intense in her tone earlier when she told him so. Taichi didn't know what to say or if he should even ask her what the problem is, but there was something… different with the way she held her mouth closed, as if stopping herself from saying something she would regret.

The silence is killing him, making him feel jittery. Chihaya had always been weird, but even now he had to admit that this behavior is first, even for her.

"Is there any problem?" He gave up after ten more minutes of agonizing silence. He couldn't help it, -for him not to see her for so many days felt terrible already for his part, but for her to show up again after many days and not talk to him at all felt utter torture.

Her head snapped up to look at him, her auburn eyes boring into his amber ones. "What? No. Nothing's wrong. Why?"

"You're not talking to me at all, you know. If you're not yet ready to see me then you don't have to force yourself to visit." He said as gently as he could, even when his fists unconsciously clenched at how painful that statement was.

_I really am such a masochist. Dammit._

"Why would I not be ready to see you? I wanted to visit, I'm not forcing myself to do so." She sounded exasperated as she continued peeling apples off.

He then stretched out from his sitting position on his bed and plucked a slice from the bowl that their fingers bumped into each other's. He saw her flinch at the contact, and blood rushed to her cheeks to cover it into a rosy blush. He had to use all his remaining self-control not to brush his knuckles gently along those cheeks, good Lord, he missed her so much already that he wanted to really just… wrap her in his arms and not let her go.

_Don't think about that now, dammit._

"You're doing it again." He said instead frustratedly.

"Doing what?" She sounded exasperated as well.

"Keeping quiet. For Christ's sake Chihaya, I've already heard too much silence in the past few days. Won't you at least talk to me since you're here and all?" He sounded as if he was already begging.

Chihaya stared at him, her dark eyes boring into his again. And then… as if hit by a sudden thought, she smiled, -in a way that made Taichi feel that there is something different with her.

"I was actually thinking about you and Kasanagi-san." She said, which nearly made Taichi spit out his slice of apple. He looked at her with wide, amber eyes.

_Me and Ruka? What?_

"Why… are you thinking about us? And _us? _There's no us anymore, you know." _Keep it cool, Taichi. Don't panic._ Though he honestly didn't know what was going on now.

"I know that." She turned back to her task, sounding casual, though inside she was anything but. Why is it that she couldn't stop her mouth? Or rather, _why_ is she even asking about this?

Was she scared?

If so, of what?

"I didn't realize you two were on good speaking terms." She teased lightly, managing to smile. Taichi's cheeks colored a little, and despite of the air conditioner, he didn't know why he suddenly felt warm.

"Uh… yeah. I didn't think so too." He rubbed the back of his neck, lowering his gaze to the ground. Chihaya was making him uncomfortable with the sudden topic. _What made her bring it all up anyway?_

"Really?" Chihaya asked, still smiling innocently, which made shivers run down his spine. How was it that a smiling face could be so reminiscent of a scowl? "You… seem kinda sweet."

"I'm not sure if that's sweet. I guess we're good friends." Taichi snorted, trying to keep calm, to keep his wits about him. Whatever that had gotten into her, he should just treat it as something that a normal Chihaya would say. "Though I wouldn't have expected it of her. You do remember how we broke up."

Even if it seemed that it was so out of character of her to be talking about something like this, of all things she could think of asking, -he knew he shouldn't make too big a deal out of it.

_But it's disturbing!_

"Yes, yes. You surprised all of us. You always seemed to be a little too blunt for your own good. " She waved a hand airily, then suddenly inched closer to him. "Now that I think about it though, I haven't really asked you back then how you two actually met." She wiggled her eyebrows knowingly at him.

The warning bells started ringing in the back of his mind, and he moved a space back. He looked at Chihaya with narrowed amber eyes. "No."

"No?"

"I'm not going to tell you anything about that, Chihaya."

Chihaya stared him down, meeting his suddenly stern gaze head-on, pouting all the while. "Well, why not, then?"

Taichi returned her stare with an even gaze. "Because it's all a part of the past now. Why bother bringing up something that will do you no good?"

She raised an eyebrow at him. "I don't find anything wrong about wanting to know how my best friend actually met his ex-girlfriend, you know. Unless you just don't want to tell me anything that you just want to keep to yourself."

That hit a nerve. He felt his temper spike but he did his best to remain calm. He took deep breaths, clenched his fists together and narrowed his eyes minutely again at her. "Care to tell me what is that supposed to mean?" He said through gritted teeth, wanting to get to the bottom of her strange and mystifying behavior.

Why did it feel so much as if she _was_ investigating?

She still had her eyebrows raised at him, a disapproving expression on her face. "I don't seem to get your reason for suddenly acting all defensive at such a simple question."

"Asking about other people's past relationships is not that simple, Chihaya."

"So is there a need to act like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like you're too busy protecting yourself from something." She responded matter-of-factly, lowering her gaze to peel off what seemed to be the fourth apple already, sounding sterner than she meant to.

He stared her down, unsure where all this insistence is coming from. "Is it wrong to just leave it in the past altogether?"

"Exactly. If it's all in the past now then you should be able to actually talk about it now, right?"

"You don't know what you're talking about, Chihaya." He was starting to get seriously irritated. What is all this sudden determination to find out the story behind his and Ruka's _past_ relationship?

Emphasis on the word _past_.

And where was _that_ determination coming from anyway?

"Oh don't I?" She asked in a challenging voice, raising her head to look at him straight in the eyes. "I may be a karuta baka, Taichi, but I'm not exactly blind to practically everything. If it's nothing for you already then there should be no problem talking about it."

He was beginning to be exasperated. "I didn't realize my past relationship would matter so much to you." He hedged, trying to understand what was making her say all of these things. Somehow, hearing her lecture him about his relationship before felt like a punch in the gut.

"I surprise people like that. I thought you would have moved on already."

"I _have_ moved on already, Chihaya. For crying out loud, I've been seeing her as a _friend_ for the past five years now. Hell, I broke up with her over the phone."

"And you're still not bothering to tell me how you actually met each other."

He felt the blood rush into his head. "Why all the sudden interest in my love life, Chihaya? Or rather, the lack of it?" He demanded, and it was then that Chihaya looked at him with sudden fierceness in her eyes that he nearly jumped a space back.

"You want to know why? Because I wanted to know the kind of man my best friend is who just told me that he loved me a week ago." She said bluntly, in a straight, no-turning-back tone, furiously willing herself not to blush.

That brought him up short. So, she had been thinking about it. He didn't know how he was supposed to feel about that. Glad, he supposed, but that also meant that she had been thinking of Arata as well.

Taichi realized that not responding, -and _acting_ all defensive to her _simple_ request had been sending anxious signals for her. He sighed and rubbed his temples. "What do you want to hear?" He had no choice but to back down and let her have her way.

"How you met each other, Taichi." She reminded him in a matter-of-fact tone, suddenly turning all smiles again.

Biting the bullet, he took a deep breath. "…Right. So I met her during the final year of my middle school."

"Mmmhhmm."

"We were both part of the group assigned to clean the classroom at closing time. She was freaking out then as well, because she had lost a ring. Turns out it had belonged to her grandmother who had passed away and had given it to her as a family heirloom."

She felt sorry for Ruka. "Go on."

"Since I'm a classmate, I helped her find the ring. But it was already nearing the time for the gates to be locked, and we still couldn't find it. She was ready to cry." He was gauging her expression carefully, looking for any signs of displeasure. To his relief, there is none. "Then I remembered to search the trash bin out in the back. And there it was."

"And…?" She prompted, knowing there is more to the story but he still felt unwilling to share.

He sighed, and decided to ride this train wreck to the end of the tracks. "She was so happy she threw her arms around me and kissed me. Hard. On the mouth." He averted his gaze from her, trying very hard not to relive that memory again. Imagine his surprise and terror when a girl he barely knew just about stole his first kiss. "She asked me if ever I would consider going out with her… and then _I _asked her if she would go out with me."

Chihaya's eyes widened at the unexpected statement, and she felt the blood rush to her head. She had to contain the uncomfortable feeling of –yes, she realized what it is now,- jealousy.

Irritation.

She felt possessive all of a sudden that tears pricked her unconsciously behind her eyelids. "So how come I'm only hearing all this juiciness now?" She asked with more sharpness that Taichi flinched.

"Well you haven't been exactly interested with these kinds of things, Chihaya, and you never seemed to have cared about anything more than karuta and Arata back in high school." He couldn't help but sound sarcastic.

"Are you saying I didn't care about other people? About the team?" She felt her temper rising uncontrollably, and she was helpless against it. Her fists were starting to shake.

"Whoa, whoa. Slow down. I didn't say anything like that." Taichi tried to rein the situation in. The warning bells sounded louder now in his mind, but he wondered as to why Chihaya had suddenly gotten irritated.

"Some friend you are."

"Care to tell me straight what that meant, Chihaya?"

"Some friend you are for not telling me y-your story and… and everything." She averted her gaze from him, unwilling to look him straight in the eyes now. Somehow she started to regret asking him about his past. She felt as if she had just dug her own grave.

"My love life has never been your interest, Queen." Taichi said in a more irritated tone now.

_Argh! Why the hell are we even talking about this, anyway?_

"And your condition? Did she know about it as well?" She asked in a small voice now.

"I think so. I never bothered telling her, -I only found out about it during our senior year, - though I wouldn't be surprised if she _did _know about it. She has her own ways of finding out."

Chihaya's head snapped up to look at him. "So you mean to say she _knew _about that? _So_ you were still in contact with her through the past years?"

He raised an eyebrow at her. "I don't know if she _knew. _As for the contact, I don't know if you would count hearing about her from your friends as _contact_. I would hear about her once in a while. The usual, them telling me she's in a new relationship, or how rotten her new boyfriend was…" He answered her question with the patience of a saint, plucking another apple slice from the bowl, trying to sound casual even if her questions was making him stomach turn over uncomfortably already.

Chihaya's next question suddenly turned everything upside down. She didn't know what made her say it, but then it's as if her mouth had a mind of it's own already. "So had you known she was still single you would have gone back to her?"

Taichi felt the apple slice go down the wrong pipe that he choked. He scrambled for the water bottle and chugged it down and as soon as his mouth is clear he looked at her incredulously. "What!?"

"You heard me." She stood her ground.

Taichi was torn as to whether he should yell at her or laugh at her utter ridiculousness. "Why in the world would I go back to her?"

"Well… you looked like you missed her a lot earlier." She shrugged, even when it felt as if she wanted to throw something far away from her. "If…anything, even, would you mind if she even knew about your condition?"

Taichi couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Is this some sort of truth or consequence question, Chihaya? Really I just don't get why you're asking me all… this?" He _really_ is irritated now. He had just told her that he loved her a week ago! Practically poured his heart out to _her_! Didn't she understand that? Or was it really just all about karuta for her? "If she knew about it, I probably wouldn't have minded so much." He said through clenched teeth.

Her eyes narrowed. "So, assuming that you were still together, you _would _have told her what you're going through, is that it?" Her eyes were in danger of disappearing into slits. "Let me ask you then, and again, Taichi. What is love? Did that mean keeping the truth from the person you '_love'_?"

He felt something in him snap and he threw his hands up in the air. Where are all these crazy questions coming from, dammit? "What do you want me to say, Chihaya? What more do you want me to do?" He gazed at her despairingly. "I don't like her. I've never been in love with _her _like I was head-over-heels for you! I never told you about this because I _cared_ about you so much. I _loved _you too much that I hadn't wanted to see you hurt because of what was happening to me and Harada-sensei. That's what love is." He grabbed her right hand in his and laid it over his chest that she reddened furiously. "Feel that? This thing has always beaten just for _you_, Ayase Chihaya." He forced her to look at him, holding her gaze again. "You ask me what love is, and now I'm giving you the answer. It's when you choose to stay away from the person you love despite of hurting her and _yourself_, because you want her to remain happy. It's when you don't have fun with that person when you were together, but nonetheless you love her with all your being and you wish you were with her."

His chest was heaving up and down, his voice trembling, unused to bearing the weight of so much emotion. He couldn't stop the flow of words coming from his mouth, because it felt as if a dam opened and the water came rushing in. "You irritate the hell out of me most of the time, if not always. You move around a lot, not acting like a lady at all. Men who meet you the first time crush on you. You _give_ your number to a stranger who meets you for the first time and _asks_ for it because you're scared that it won't happen again. You sleep like a log _with_ your eyes open. You never savor the chocolates I buy for you. You _don't_ know how I would die of jealousy every time you talk about Arata. Or every time I try to ask you out but you don't realize I'm already making advances." He paused to catch his breath, and she reacted, wringing her hand from his grip.

"Well excuse me for being incredibly slow and acting unlady-like." She said acidly, but he grabbed her hands again and leaned his forehead against hers, letting his cool breath touch her nose. She didn't back away, and he was grateful for it.

"That time when I wasn't seeing you I thought I was doing quite well with my life. But when you showed up here in Sodai, you smacked it hard in my face that the past few years of my life had all been a farce. I was living a _lie_. I was just existing the past three years, and it was only when I saw you again that I started to live once again." He ran a hand over his hair, still breathing heavily as if he had ran miles and miles. He looked down, feeling his hands begin to tremble out of sheer frustration. "How much longer are you going to be cruel to me, Chihaya? How much longer are you going to make me long for you? " He asked quietly, his voice soft and small.

Chihaya licked her lips nervously as another blush coated her cheeks. And then suddenly, like a sun coming out from behind the clouds, she recalled Chitose's words with perfect clarity.

_Love, Chihaya, is when you do crazy things just to make a person happy. _Chitose's voice rang in her mind. _It's when you choose to stay away from that person, because you don't want them to be hurt, despite it killing you, because sometimes, it's better to stay away from her than to see her hurt because of you._

The realization was so astonishing that she practically froze. Because finally, _finally_, she understood.

"Say it." She suddenly said, looking at him with pleading in her eyes.

"Say what?" He muttered, sounding peeved.

Her eyes narrowed, sudden fire springing in her auburn eyes. "Your confession. You told me you love me a week ago. I want to hear it again."

Taichi stared at her, wondering what she was getting at. She wanted to hear it, she said. That wasn't being selfish of her… right? He sighed and met her eyes head-on, straightening up from leaning his forehead against hers.

"I love you, Chihaya." He said, his amber eyes pinning her with a heated gaze, as he let all his emotions flow into the words that Chihaya felt the sincerity and the love from merely listening to it, "I hadn't gotten over you the moment you beat me in that match supposed to be between me and Arata. I _never _got over you even when I was with Ruka and I was practically in a relationship with her." He sighed, smiling weakly. "And I don't think I ever would- because you're just plain cruel like that." He teased lightly, with no real meaning behind the last three words.

She felt an electric shock run through her, and if she hadn't been sitting she would have lost the strength of her knees. And as she felt it, another of Chitose's words ran through her mind.

_Whoever makes your heart flutter in happiness, that's him. Whoever makes you feel as if there is something twisting in your stomach, then that's him for you._

She could feel it now. Again. Her heart fluttering in happiness. Her insides twisting and untwisting into a knot. And as she felt it, Chihaya realized one thing.

_It's him._ She understood all of a sudden, the second realization enough to freeze her entire being, her eyes widening. Her questions from earlier… why she had felt so jealous as she saw him and Ruka share a laugh easily… when she had seen them squeeze each other's hands in reassurance and comfort as she had just seen when she came from the washroom…

How it incredibly made her possessive when she learned how Kasanagi-san had just… kissed him.

The third realization struck her within a few minutes. She had been asking him those questions because she wanted reassurance that Taichi no longer felt anything for Kasanagi-san. She felt the same for Arata when she asked him whether he had been seeing anyone before as well, she now knew that. But as she listened to him casually tell her the same confession again as he did when they had been left to themselves the first day that Taichi was unconscious, she hadn't felt this… lightheaded.

Her mouth opened and closed again that made Taichi wonder as to what was going through that head of hers.

Chihaya then placed the bowl of apples and the knife aside, feeling herself go red, opened her mouth and asked him in a commanding voice, her face as red as a tomato now. She wasn't backing down from it, no matter how embarrassed it made her feel. She was determined to feel it.

"Kiss me." She said in a stern voice, her dark eyes boring to his once again.

And everything stopped. Froze. Taichi felt as if he was again, deaf on both of his ears. She didn't realize how his skin tingled at what she had just said. Had he… heard correctly?

"What?"

"You heard me." She hedged, as he slowly lowered their hands, placing her hand gently on his lap, lowering his head, his eyes hidden under his thick hair. "I-Isn't there supposed to be a kiss when y-you tell a person that you love her? If so, where was it?" She asked in a demanding voice, unwilling to back down despite of the fact that she felt her arms beginning to tremble. "You tell me that you love me. And even then Kasanagi-san had kissed you too. If you really-"

She was cut off as he wrapped an arm around her waist and tugged her towards him, making her fall into his chest. And she felt her breath hitch as he tipped her chin up and brought his lips onto hers.

Chihaya felt a thousand different sensations run through her as their lips met, and her hand crept up to grip the collar of his shirt as her eyes slipped closed.

His lips were warm on hers, and she had been right in thinking that they were soft. The kiss had started out as a slow one, but she gasped as he nibbled gently on her bottom lip, and it took nearly all of Taichi's self control not to push her too hard and rush things.

The first kiss was chaste, almost shy. He pulled back for a moment to stare at her and her eyes opened, their eyes meeting each other's, auburn colliding with amber. It was just a short kiss, but both of their breathing was already ragged, as they gauged each other's expression, measuring each other's reaction, looking for any signs of displeasure.

They found none.

As if having one thought, their lips found one another's again. She scooted a little more closer. He moved forward even more. Her arms found their way upwards, unconsciously wrapping her arms around his neck as she felt her knees turn to jello.

Thank Kami-sama that she was sitting, otherwise, her knees would have buckled.

The confidence kicked in. Taichi kept waiting for an interruption to happen and ruin the moment, making it end, but it continued. He heard her moan when he again nibbled lightly on her bottom lip, his teeth grazing it softly, playfully nudging the plump part. Even when he knew this wouldn't go anywhere, he wasn't ready to let the moment end.

And by the looks of it, neither was she.

Her fingers tangled in his hair, as she began to kiss him back, if a little clumsily. In tune with her emotions, he felt her hesitate for a moment, and he felt slight embarrassment pour off of her.

A shiver ran down her spine as she considered the possibility that he had been waiting for this for so long, and she felt warmth pool in her stomach, her insides twisting again as she recalled his perfectionism.

He hadn't always allowed himself to be mediocre in one thing and had always strived for perfection. The thought that even with… this simple gesture he had polished his ability and skill made her lips tingle with his kiss and heat pool in her stomach, making her shiver in his arms.

He leaned forward and his fingers found their way to her waist. She gasped as his mouth's angle changed- his head leaning over to the left. The way that his lips gently continued claiming her own was enough to make her confidence grow and her lips parted for him.

She shivered at the first touch of his tongue on her lips, and another moan escaped her.

_Whoa, boy._ Taichi felt as if someone had unceremoniously kicked him in the gut. _Slow down. Slow down._

He retracted his tongue back into his mouth and gave her one last kiss before slowly pulling back, his eyes slipping open as he did so. Her eyes opened as well, and she was looking at him a bit disorientedly.

They stared at each other, both breathing heavily and feeling as if the temperature in the room had risen a few more degrees.

Chihaya felt the blood rush into her cheeks, as she fanned herself unconsciously to cool down the heat she knew was still rushing in her body. The way that he was staring at her, -his eyes still intense and heated- made her lips continue tingling as she slowly lowered her arms from being wrapped around his neck.

Taichi did his best to cool his stare down. He could still feel the desire rushing through his body, his stomach tense. God, he began wondering if that had all been a dream, but she had felt so real and solid within his arms, and he could still feel his own mouth tingle from the kiss he had just given her earlier, and as she licked her lips, which was _swollen _from his kiss, he couldn't help but feel lightheaded and cemented his belief that it was all real.

She was avoiding his gaze though.

"Sorry." He suddenly muttered, which made her head snap up to look at him.

"What? What for?" She asked confusedly, the blush diminishing.

"Well for just kissing you like that." He said, feeling his heart clench painfully somewhere in his chest. "That was supposed to be your first one and I didn't –"

"Don't." She cut him off, her auburn eyes narrowing at him dangerously. "I didn't have you kiss me just to have you apologize for it, Taichi."

"But I didn't-"

"I said don't. You're ruining the moment, and you're making me feel as if I… I wasn't… g-good." She stammered in the end, suddenly averting her gaze from him, her voice small.

_What?_

"What are you talking about?" He grasped her shoulders as she turned away from him. "Chihaya look at me."

She was determined to avoid his gaze, and she felt her stomach twist uncomfortably all of a sudden at the thought that she… well…

Taichi was her first kiss. And she had no experience at all in that area.

"Did I hurt your feelings?" He asked, sounding surprised. Chihaya reddened again as she turned to look at him, her eyes confirming what he just asked.

She knew it was irrational, but yes, she recognized the feeling inside her as insecurity. She had already been feeling it earlier when she had met Kasanagi-san, and why it had suddenly made her grill Taichi with those questions she never knew she would ask someday _and _would even feel the need to ask it.

Taichi saw her expression, and he didn't know if he should be happy about it or not. Despite of her suddenly being too aware, it suddenly felt as if he had decimated her or something. Without any forethought though, he drew her slightly to his chest, letting her pillow her head somewhere where she could feel his heart pounding. "Baka." He murmured above her head, finally chuckling at her behavior.

"What?" She asked indignantly, though it was muffled.

"I said you're an idiot. You asked me to kiss you and here you go all of a sudden feeling embarrassed. Women." She felt his shoulders shake with silent laughter. "Do I kiss that good to make you suddenly feel like that?"

Chihaya raised her head and swatted him on the arm. "You do not!" She exclaimed peevishly, but her cheeks were so red that it just contradicted her statement altogether.

"Really…"

"Why are you apologizing then?" Chihaya inquired in a small voice as he looked down to her, his cheeks also reddening all of a sudden.

"Well I'm sorry if I'm a gentleman and it felt as if I kissed you without permission, seeing as it was your first." He realized, as he was saying the words, that all of this is real. This is really happening. God, is the sky falling or something?

Chihaya glared at him. "I told you to kiss me. Isn't that permission enough?" She said pointedly, sounding annoyed.

_Well, whatever. She wouldn't understand that it's just hard for me to believe that this has _really _happened because she's been oblivious about these kinds of things like… forever._

Taichi stared at her all of a sudden, his mood turning serious, his gaze turning intense once again. He didn't want to ask her this now, but he knew that one way or another they would get to it. Their relationship couldn't continue balancing on the point of a knife. They would fall off into one edge or the other.

And seeing as they had just kissed, he knew it was just about time to ask her.

"So what now?"

Chihaya flinched as she met his gaze again, her heart beginning to pound once again as she realized what he was asking. She knew she owed him a response- and not just him, but Arata as well.

She was sure this time though. It had been greedy of her to ask him to tell her once again his feelings a week ago, but she knew, -finally- of her feelings.

She understood it better now.

And after days of being left alone to herself, after all this soul-searching, of trying to make sure she wasn't making a mistake and just going on with her emotions, a smile bloomed on her face, a smile which Taichi had to admit, had been the prettiest smile he had ever seen on her.

"I love you, Taichi."

He felt the tears prick his eyelids as he bowed his head and felt his lower lip tremble, feeling the rush run from the top of his head down to his toes.

Hearing her, the _only _woman he had loved his entire life, finally tell him that she loved him as well, that she spent days sorting her feelings for him and his rival, that she wasn't guessing her feelings… well, it gave the phrase 'dream come true' an entire new meaning.

Ah shit, he was getting too emotional about this…

"A-Are you sure…?"

Leave it to him to ruin the magical moment. As already said, people's personalities don't change overnight.

Chihaya pouted, but she scooted closer to him and wrapped her arms around his waist, leaning into his chest and sighing contentedly like a cat. He had always been used to her tackle-formed hugs, so this gentle embrace, like a soothing caress, made him feel lightheaded.

"I love you too, Taichi. And yes, I'm sure." She glanced up at him to meet his gaze. "I'm sorry. I've kept you waiting long enough."

He ruffled her hair as the tears fell from his eyes and he did his best to hide them from her. He was laughing through the tears.

It was then that he felt that all the years he had waited for her, his life having been practically placed on hold when he had chosen to disappear from _her_ life, all the time that he had spent thinking of her and what would make her happy, had all been worth it.

"Hell yeah, you did." He agreed, managing to chuckle and admit it wholeheartedly.

* * *

And Chihaya finally realizes it! _Finally!_ It's a miracle.

I had fun while writing this chapter. This is probably the chapter I found most enjoyable writing, despite of the difficulty I had been experiencing (I had one major writer's block attack the last week,) but I persevered with this. Whew! Now I've done it.

So that's one major problem down. The question is, how will Arata react? And how _will_ they get their act together? Hahaha. And I really will be showing Taichi's major desire for Chihaya. I can't wait for it!

I may be ending things the next chapter already. It has been fun writing this story, and I definitely will be writing more fictions about these two from now on. Hey, Mashima Taichi deserves a break, doesn't he? My brain and God permitting, I will be ending this the next chapter. If not, I may write an epilogue.

_Please_ let me know what you think. Like it? Weirded out? Tell me! I'll be waiting for it!

See you the next chapter everone! Toodles! Muah.


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